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Old 10-10-2018, 12:16 PM
11,229 posts, read 9,228,214 times
Reputation: 14654


Originally Posted by don1945 View Post
My results were a little more instantaneous than yours ! Look, there are two schools of thought on the issue of spank vs no spank, and kids can come out ok in either scenario.
I suppose that is true if "ok" is all you are aiming for.
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Old 10-10-2018, 12:43 PM
11,229 posts, read 9,228,214 times
Reputation: 14654
It looks like the OP is long gone. But it remains a source of disappointment to me that a little 3 year old human is so baffling that folks think they need to hit them.
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Old 10-10-2018, 01:09 PM
9,667 posts, read 7,638,989 times
Reputation: 17505
I have no problem with an occasional, get-one's-attention swat from the hand on the clothed rear to keep a child from obvious danger - running out into traffic is the obvious example. A child who bites another child or deliberately hurts an animal or younger child would be another example. The message, though, needs to be "Stop that, it's not acceptable", not "Stop that, I am bigger than you and will beat you up!"

But to allow normal conditions to reach those described here, with a small child running around tearing up the place, and then resorting to severely beating a small child with a belt is child abuse.

There is absolutely NO reason to do this, and what's worse, it appears that some who are advising it are getting a bit of a charge out of proving to that little brat who's in change by beating them into submission and showing them who's really in change. Makes you who advocate this feel real big, right? Never mind that beating a child can result in life-long damage and completely destroy the parent-child relationship. Yes, the child may sit down and shut up - is that your actual goal, or do you want to raise a happy, successful, thoughtful child? Obedience should not be the result of fear but of the desire to please.

Folks, there are better ways that can result in a happy, reasonably obedient child. Do not expect perfect submission at this age - or any age, for that matter. Not gonna happen with a normal child. But you can use common sense, learn more about how little ones operate, and plan and practice accordingly by setting up some structured time, as I described in an earlier post.

Avoiding unnecessary confrontation and threats, consistency, and keeping things fun for both adult and child is key to childhood learning. I have over 28 years of experience of daily working with small kids, and I know what does and doesn't work. All kinds of small kids, not just selected well-behaved ones. Structure, clear expectations, and keeping them interested and engaged is the key.

I'd also advise watching episodes of "The Nanny" that I think can still be found on YouTube. Nanny Jo has a LOT of common sense, compassion for both parents and children, and is practical and kind in her approach as well as verbally and physically firm when required. But she is never, ever physically abusive to a child - she doesn't need to be.

Child development and child rearing need to be a mandatory course in high school. It would help avoid much tragic child abuse and misery and frustration. If only...
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Old 10-10-2018, 03:38 PM
886 posts, read 177,125 times
Reputation: 1202
Originally Posted by don1945 View Post
Those are the truest words ever printed on this forum. Good child behavior starts at birth, babies are never too young to learn that there are rules and how they should behave. I see so many parents who want to be "friends" with their children, and they consequently are lax in their parenting duties. I am best friends with my two sons, always have been, but I was also DAD, and was very strict and watchful over them.

When my twin sons were about a year old, I took them out for the day while my wife got to sleep in for a change. We went into a restaurant, and I set them up in their little car seats, and we sat there eating. After a little while, about 3 or 4 waitresses came over to the table and said, "What have you done to these two babies, they are quietly sitting here and eating !" I said " That is what they are supposed to do !"

Don't get me wrong, there was no more loving, kind Father in the world than me, but I also wanted them to learn how they should behave and act from the beginning. No one likes an unruly, out of control child. I see parents all the time who have no control over their children and then they wonder what happened. What happened was, you were lax in your parenting duties, that's what.
The threshold for being a good parent by today's standards is out of reach for most.

90% of the people who have had kids in the past 25 years should not have. Our planet can't take anymore anyways.
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Old 10-10-2018, 04:00 PM
8,218 posts, read 8,498,682 times
Reputation: 10183
Could be a matter of bad parenting or a developmental problem. I'm sorry that you didn't include information about his mother. That may be the problem you have to tackle first.

What would happen if you started by cutting out all snacks, all sugar, and all caffeine?

I don't have a problem with low-level corporal punishment, but with a small child, I think a smack on a well-cushioned bottom is preferable to a slap on the mouth.
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Old 10-10-2018, 06:58 PM
2,084 posts, read 793,432 times
Reputation: 4055
Originally Posted by Caballera3 View Post
My 3 year old grandson and his mother live with us. My grandson is out of control and I'm going crazy. Heaven forbid I should have to go to the bathroom when I'm watching him because I'll come out to find my 4 footstools piled on top of each other on my coffee table and him trying to climb to the top. Or he's angry because he wants to be in the bathroom with you and he's kicking the door to be let in the entire time. If you give him a snack and it's in a wrapper you will find the wrapper on the floor - no matter how many times he's asked to put it in the garbage. And if you don't to what he wants RIGHT NOW he will scream and a pitch a fit until you either want to scream back at him or heaven forbid think about slapping his mouth. Sometimes even though he's acknowledged when he talks to you he repeats himself over and over and over and after you've answered him over and over and over trying to not get annoyed he keeps going. My furniture is being destroyed - I accept that with an active child there will be some dents and scratches, such is life. But when he's purposely destroying my things because I won't give him a piece of candy or a cookie and he's striking out - sometimes he will take a swing at you because he's not getting his way.... Could use some advise before I go nuts....... I'm exhausted.
Kids have a lot of excess energy and need more physical activity and fresh air than a lot of parents have them do nowadays. That's what playgrounds are for. Keeping them indoors under constant scrutiny and "don'ts" repeatedly can't be good for any little boy. He would learn better in day care part time. He needs to be tired at the end of the day.
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Old 10-10-2018, 08:48 PM
Location: S.W. Florida
1,691 posts, read 665,871 times
Reputation: 4603
Provided there are no mental or physical issues contributing to his behavior, and since it is a mortal sin to spank the little angel, I would give mom 90 days to find a new home for herself and little Adolph. And that’s being very generous.
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Old 10-10-2018, 08:53 PM
Location: New Yawk
8,652 posts, read 4,786,033 times
Reputation: 14011
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
+1. It’s a rough year; with my older two it was basically a 365 consecutive day tantrum. The first couple of years, they’re so busy learning about the world around them, and then at three they are trying to figure out how much control over their world. It’s frustrating and confusing, especially when life isn’t as predictable and structured as they’d like it to be.

Three is the reason preschool was invented.
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Old 10-10-2018, 10:22 PM
Location: planet earth
2,897 posts, read 1,017,878 times
Reputation: 6602
Originally Posted by dijkstra View Post
Your other one that tore the room apart if put in time out sort of sounds like me. If you put my in a room by myself and I was mad, there was going to be hell to pay. I was very intelligent and would develop a plan of action to drive my parents insane when I got out of that room. At the age of 3 I knew just what buttons to push. The last time they put me in my room by myself like what is now called "time out," I pooped and smeared it all over the walls. Why did I smear poop all over the walls you may ask.....because I was smart enough to know that if I did that and they had to clean it up, they would never ever put me in my room unattended as punishment again. Guess what, I was right. lol

I agree. The belt is in order. If this type of behavior is not corrected at this age, they learn they can get away with what they want later.

You better be glad you did not have a child like me. You would have hated life. The one and only thing that worked with me was a belt to the rear. I'm not talking about a little spank either. I am talking about a straight out butt whipping to the point of crying. I had to have the fear put in me to where I feared a whipping. Some kids are just like that and I was one. You can toss all that babble around about not striking a child and all that but you obviously did not have a kid like me. I honestly think some of these nutty kids that commit school shootings probably did not have the proper discipline growing up. Sometimes a kid just needs his butt whipped.
Are you still a psycho?
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Old 10-11-2018, 02:14 AM
192 posts, read 109,967 times
Reputation: 740
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
It looks like the OP is long gone. But it remains a source of disappointment to me that a little 3 year old human is so baffling that folks think they need to hit them.
Completely agree. This three year old child was let down by the people who were supposed to teach him how to behave. Hitting him will teach him nothing about why his behaviour is unacceptable; only that people who are bigger and stronger than you can hurt you to make you do what they want. I think we can do better.
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