Out of Control 3 Year Old (punishing, teens, teaching, divorced)
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Structure! If he's not in daycare, set up an in-home one kid daycare/nursery school routine for him. Make it fun and make him look forward to the "surprises". Tell him that starting in a day or two, you're going to have lots of surprises for him.
Then make it happen. Start out with outdoor activities. If you can't take him to a playground, get a cheap big ball for him to roll and kick and toss back and forth to you. Praise his efforts. Burn off some of that excessive energy. If you can, get a gym set or even put an old fashioned rope and board swing in a tree. Get him a Big Wheel or a trike - they often show up at thrift shops or yard sales. A little red wagon - stuffed toys can go for a ride and he can pull them, then you can pull him. Traditional toys are best at this age.
After the outdoor "surprise", it's time to come in for a quick snack. Juice or apple slices are plenty. Then it's time for arts and crafts - get him crayons, modeling clay, construction paper and glue sticks, cut out stuff in advance for him to stick together. If you can, have story time just before the craft and let the craft relate to the story. Engage him in the story - point out things in the illustrations, ask him what he thinks is going to happen, and so on. Read with expression and encourage him to repeat some of the lines (some books work better than others for this, especially those in rhyme).
Participatory activities: sing, recite nursery rhymes, dance around, act out traditional activities that go with them. London Bridge, Farmer in the Dell. Fingerplays, hand shadows to be thrown against the wall...old stuff, but tried and true and no screens or elctronics required.
Take him to free public library programs - children's librarians are old hands at dealing with wild toddlers and he may accept guidance more readily from someone whom he doesn't know as well as he does you and Mommy. Having other kids on hand as role models doesn't hurt. Then pick out a stack of picture books to take home - ask the librarian for suggestions. You will need to supervise his use of them at first - make sure he doesn't rip or damage them or color on the pages and that he understands how library books work, that he will have them for a while then exchange them for new books.
Lunch time. Keep it simple and nutritious. Nap time follows. Then, outside again. Free play in the yard. Fall is here, time to dig holes and plant bulbs. Pick up leaves and talk about their colors. Glue the leaves onto a construction paper crowns that he can wear. Get a little rake and let him rake leaves into a pile, then jump into it.
Once back inside, imaginative play - you participate with little spontaneous scenarios that he directs. Stuffed toys, toy cars, dolls, miniature toys like little dishes, etc. are great props. This will make him use his imagination and build his vocabulary and creativity. If he gets into this, he can play by himself this way for a while - you don't always have to be engaged though of course you'd stay within earshot. Cardboard boxes of various sizes are wonderful traditional toys for kids. He can make a little bed for Teddy bear out of a shoebox, make a playhouse for himself if it's a refrigerator box. Have him color boxes with crayons. TinkerToys and building blocks help with small muscle development at this age and are also imaginative and creative toys.
Transitions from one activity to another can be difficult, so get used to telling him "It's almost time for …(whatever the next thing is) and helping him make the change painlessly. Help him clean up after crafts or other messy activities, again saying "Let's pick this up so we can...(do whatever the next thing is)" Be enthusiastic and encouraging, so you won't have to tell him "No" and "Stop" all the time. Try "Let's do this instead - wow, this is going to be fun!"
Good luck - hope you'll check back in. Oh, and while you're at the library, get some books for you and his mom on typical child development in toddlers and how to work effectively with helping them learn and become civilized. Books about additional activities for toddlers would also be great.
Last edited by CraigCreek; 10-08-2018 at 04:50 PM..
My 3 year old grandson and his mother live with us. My grandson is out of control and I'm going crazy. Heaven forbid I should have to go to the bathroom when I'm watching him because I'll come out to find my 4 footstools piled on top of each other on my coffee table and him trying to climb to the top. Or he's angry because he wants to be in the bathroom with you and he's kicking the door to be let in the entire time. If you give him a snack and it's in a wrapper you will find the wrapper on the floor - no matter how many times he's asked to put it in the garbage. And if you don't to what he wants RIGHT NOW he will scream and a pitch a fit until you either want to scream back at him or heaven forbid think about slapping his mouth. Sometimes even though he's acknowledged when he talks to you he repeats himself over and over and over and after you've answered him over and over and over trying to not get annoyed he keeps going. My furniture is being destroyed - I accept that with an active child there will be some dents and scratches, such is life. But when he's purposely destroying my things because I won't give him a piece of candy or a cookie and he's striking out - sometimes he will take a swing at you because he's not getting his way.... Could use some advise before I go nuts....... I'm exhausted.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Your daughter sounds lucky to have you! Can you give some details about what your watching him looks like in terms of time? Are you the caregiver when your daughter is at work? What does discipline look like when your daughter is home? Are you willing to share what discipline was like when your daughter and any possible other kids were young? These would help form what I hope would be helpful advice.
The Three Year old is not a violent, demanding year. Something is amiss. Several posters have already mentioned the absence of the father. I'm no Yale expert but I have researched the differences in growth and personality of the young child and his behavior is a-typical and is understandable if the father is not in the home. There's no mention here about how long it has been that the child has broken off seeing his father or living with him.
No matter what the politically correct views are today, the absence of a parent can bring tremendous changes to the human personality and sense of safety, stability and self image in the young child. It is DAMAGING and can cause LASTING problems. The idea that "children today are more resiliant" is nonsense.
Don't be putting labels on him and trying to get doctors to prescribe medications like ritalyn to take the place of parenting and discipline.
He is at that age where he is testing to see what he can get away with and if anyone will actually discipline. At that age, some children will do whatever you will allow them to do. I was one of them. He needs his ass whipped. He needs quick swift discipline until he gets it in his head that there are going to be consequences for his actions. He may be like I was and it will require you putting the fear in him. No amount of those silly discipline techniques like time out or standing in the corner or quiet time or any of that silliness ever worked on me. If you put me in a room by myself as punishment, it only gave me time to come up with a plan of action to make your life a holy living hell the rest of the day. Only good swift whippings worked and my dad had to make a believer out of me.
1. Is the father in the picture?
2. Is the mother on her phone/watching TV/out of the house while grandma or grandpa (unclear to me OP's gender) are attempting to raise this savage?
In my opinion, it is high time that the PARENTS who brought the kids into this world take 100% responsibility for raising them.
My 3 year old grandson and his mother live with us. My grandson is out of control and I'm going crazy. Heaven forbid I should have to go to the bathroom when I'm watching him because I'll come out to find my 4 footstools piled on top of each other on my coffee table and him trying to climb to the top. Or he's angry because he wants to be in the bathroom with you and he's kicking the door to be let in the entire time. If you give him a snack and it's in a wrapper you will find the wrapper on the floor - no matter how many times he's asked to put it in the garbage. And if you don't to what he wants RIGHT NOW he will scream and a pitch a fit until you either want to scream back at him or heaven forbid think about slapping his mouth. Sometimes even though he's acknowledged when he talks to you he repeats himself over and over and over and after you've answered him over and over and over trying to not get annoyed he keeps going. My furniture is being destroyed - I accept that with an active child there will be some dents and scratches, such is life. But when he's purposely destroying my things because I won't give him a piece of candy or a cookie and he's striking out - sometimes he will take a swing at you because he's not getting his way.... Could use some advise before I go nuts....... I'm exhausted.
Child psychologist.
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