Mother/Son Separation Anxiety??? (baby, support, parents, married)

[kittytoes2006]

I don't know what else to call it. I have been promoted in my job and will be moving this weekend from 45 minutes east of Dallas to Houston...about 4-1/2 hours away. I know it's not THAT far, but I am going to miss being so close to my son. A lot of you might think I'm just plain being too sentimental, but I've never been that far away from him before. Even now I don't see him real often even though we only live 20 minutes from each other, but it's just knowing he's 20 minutes down the highway that is soothing to me. He is married and has his own beautiful home and has a lot of responsibilities. He came over tonight and we went to dinner and when he left I bawled like a baby and he was getting a little misty himself. Why in the world am I feeling so sad? I've just been given the opportunity for a significantly better salary, found a nice home to live in and have everything going for me, but I'm sad. I wish I could get over this. Am I abnormal or something? I'm beginning to think I am.

[PencilMeIn]

Oh...I understand. My sons are living in FL and I am in WA....so far away. My daughter is living out where I am so I'm close to her which is great. But I do miss my sons so much. Even though they are grown and on their own, I think sons and moms have a special bond and it sure does tug at your heartstrings. Just remember that the distance is only in miles.

[Nowletsbehonest]

I am almost 55 years old and I have never felt such emptyness that I did when my daughter left home to start her own life. Depression set in so quickly, I made a bed on the sofa and slept day and night and I did NOTHING for almost 2 years!
Then my husband and I were gifted her new min pin puppy who broke its leg and was brought home to mom and dad for surgeries and healing. And then my husband and I rescued a retired race horse, a grandson of Seattle Slew. I miss her every day and beg her to come home, but I am off the sofa and trying to start my life again as she has done. Its not easy to see your child go off into the big world and its not easy to start over but when we do, our children don't feel as guilty about leaving and they take on a new respect for us, that we can wander around in this big world and find something to do.

[Robhu]

Your son is grown with his own family, home, and daily responsibilities.
He isn't your "little boy" anymore that needs your everyday closeness to feel his affection for you.
You and him will be fine. A little distance doesn't break bonds.
I have 6 kids and some of them live hundreds of miles away.
Do I miss them? Sure I do.
I know as long as they are doing well everything is alright.
We all must live our lives in whatever location we feel gives us the best opportunity to achieve what we are looking for.
It sure makes the visits very meaningfull. We all love each other. Jobs took some away. Want of a better climate took one away. I respect their decisions that they made. They are adults and have the right to go where they want or feel they might be more satisfied with the enviornment. The military took one 6,000 miles away for awhile. That was rough.
I imagine you and your son are very close from the post you made.
A little distance won't change that.
And if you have cell phones, you can talk every night after 9:00 pm and all weekend for free if you so desire.
Let him fly. He grew wings years ago. You can still be the wind beneath those wings. He won't crash as long as you are supporting him.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by kittytoes2006

I don't know what else to call it. I have been promoted in my job and will be moving this weekend from 45 minutes east of Dallas to Houston...about 4-1/2 hours away. I know it's not THAT far, but I am going to miss being so close to my son. A lot of you might think I'm just plain being too sentimental, but I've never been that far away from him before. Even now I don't see him real often even though we only live 20 minutes from each other, but it's just knowing he's 20 minutes down the highway that is soothing to me. He is married and has his own beautiful home and has a lot of responsibilities. He came over tonight and we went to dinner and when he left I bawled like a baby and he was getting a little misty himself. Why in the world am I feeling so sad? I've just been given the opportunity for a significantly better salary, found a nice home to live in and have everything going for me, but I'm sad. I wish I could get over this. Am I abnormal or something? I'm beginning to think I am.

Well, for the good of you and your son, you really need to cut the cord. You have a life, and he has a life. It is just the nature of things that the two of you part ways and begin developing your own happiness. And as much as you love him, you really need to be apart in your togetherness.

[MaggieZ]

The move will do you good, it's probably not easy at all to go live far away though. Even though 4-5 hours is not much.
You can still visit call or email eachother. There's nothing abnormal about feeling that "empty nest" feeling. It's just how you deal with it now. You have to tough it out and it won't be easy at first but sooner or later it'll be OK.

[kensgirl]

Perhaps you're feeling the way you do because YOU'RE the one moving a greater distance away from him. It sounds like you've done a great job raising your son to be a responsible person, and no distance is going to change that. Relax and enjoy your new opportunity. In this age of instant communication, you won't lose touch, and it might even make your already close relationship better, because you'll have so much more to share with each other. Good luck!

[sgresident]

I can empathize with you! my son went away to college this past fall and it was very traumatic for me. We live near chicago, he is in st. louis. it is a 4 1/2 hour drive and we don't get to see him much. It does improve with a little time. as he adjusted and made his new friends, we knew he was ok. we talk often and email! that is important. sometimes just a little email note is great. It really is just a growing experience for everyone. there is comfort in knowing that someone is close by and cares about you and loves you and can be there quickly if you need them. 4 1/2 hours is close, but not quite the same. admitting your sadness is a good first step. move, get situated and then he and his family will have a great place to come and visit!!!

[Cruikshl]

I understand how you feel there is a certain love between a mother and son. My daughters joke that no matter what their brother does it's alright. Even though he is 30 and has 4 kids of his own we share something special he respects me and I miss him terribly for he is in Iraq. Be glad he is happy and has a good life it's all we can hope for our children as parents.

[Bette]

When my daughter went off to college (14 hours away), she would come home for summer and all the holidays. She was home on Thanksgiving and my husband was out of town. I took both my kids (daughter 19, son 14) to dinner. We laughed and had so much fun that night. I still hold that memory close b/c it was just a moment but I felt for just a moment like they were still my little kids just for that moment. Our daughter is now 23, living in NYC after graduating from college and our son is now 19. He goes to community college. I will always cherish whatever time we have together. They both are just so much fun to be with and I just enjoy them - both 2 very different kids, alike in some way, very different in others.

You are not abnormal. Good luck with your move, enjoy your new home and your new job!! You know, make new friends but keep the old, some are silver and some are gold!