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Old 10-24-2018, 12:05 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,347 posts, read 3,811,640 times
Reputation: 14080

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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
I would never "label" my child anything. If they sat around all day, I would get them professional help.

Old fashioned as in "polite' "kind" "thoughtful". Calling names is mean and vulgar.

The term would be "my son or dughter".

I would also not lable a child who was doing very well "a winner". Labeling is not a part of parenting, and parenting is part of the lifelong relationship between a mother, or father and their child.
I don't agree with labeling either. I was just asking what DO you call them?

So what kind of professional help is there for a lazy person who has no motivation to work or do much of anything?
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Old 10-24-2018, 12:25 PM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
9,736 posts, read 13,630,686 times
Reputation: 20678
So, does anyone think it possible that ambition can be taught or instilled?
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Old 10-24-2018, 02:22 PM
 
Location: The mountain of Airy
5,191 posts, read 5,096,708 times
Reputation: 3457
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
So, does anyone think it possible that ambition can be taught or instilled?
Work ethic can. That's usually a building block of ambition.
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Old 10-24-2018, 03:15 PM
 
2,579 posts, read 4,554,568 times
Reputation: 6326
Quote:
Originally Posted by gouligann View Post
So if your child did nothing but sit around all day, lived off of you and couldn't hold a job, what would you label them? A productive member of society? A wonderful adult child? A child to be so proud of?

While I don't like the idea of calling a person a loser either, what IS the correct term for them in the "old fashioned sense?"
Unmotivated, underachiever, etc.
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Old 10-24-2018, 03:43 PM
 
5,199 posts, read 5,004,252 times
Reputation: 12104
I did not read the replies.

I do not think you are a bad parent for calling her a loser. You are frustrated and want better for her.

Best of luck
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Old 10-24-2018, 09:13 PM
 
8,576 posts, read 4,692,669 times
Reputation: 9043
my mom thinks im a loser compaired to my brother.

i have held the same job 35 years, never been divoice, never been arrested, dont drink, dont smoke, dont gamble, dont have extra kids running around, never in debt, never borrowed

But im the black sheep.
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Old 10-24-2018, 09:48 PM
 
Location: Upstate NY
32,217 posts, read 9,537,968 times
Reputation: 30531
Quote:
Originally Posted by dysgenic View Post
She is not a loser. She is still plenty young enough to turn things around. And i shouldnt be the one defending her, you should.

^^
This.

When parents start thinking of and referring to their children, even adult ones, as losers, we are in trouble, indeed.
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Old 10-24-2018, 10:15 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
1,421 posts, read 562,979 times
Reputation: 3335
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delahanty View Post
^^
This.

When parents start thinking of and referring to their children, even adult ones, as losers, we are in trouble, indeed.
I disagree.


It's a matter of being honest and accepting that there isn't anything more that you can expect from your offspring.


My son is a loser. That's not being judgmental. It's a description of his life (drugs, criminal record, can't tell him anything) and it's not going to change because he WON'T change. He is destined to die a homeless pauper and, try as I might, there is nothing I can do about it. He's going to be 50 next year.


If you've never experienced the tragedy of your child's wasted life, you don't know what you are talking about.
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Old 10-25-2018, 12:33 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,929 posts, read 22,233,413 times
Reputation: 45897
Quote:
Originally Posted by gouligann View Post
I don't agree with labeling either. I was just asking what DO you call them?

So what kind of professional help is there for a lazy person who has no motivation to work or do much of anything?
Most depression looks like "lazy". Again. I would not even use the word "lazy".
Some serious medical illneses also present in lethargy.

I'd bite my tongue and take my loved one to see a professional.
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Old 10-25-2018, 07:59 AM
 
Location: The mountain of Airy
5,191 posts, read 5,096,708 times
Reputation: 3457
Quote:
Originally Posted by adjusterjack View Post
I disagree.


It's a matter of being honest and accepting that there isn't anything more that you can expect from your offspring.


My son is a loser. That's not being judgmental. It's a description of his life (drugs, criminal record, can't tell him anything) and it's not going to change because he WON'T change. He is destined to die a homeless pauper and, try as I might, there is nothing I can do about it. He's going to be 50 next year.


If you've never experienced the tragedy of your child's wasted life, you don't know what you are talking about.
I don't see why being honest requires a nasty label. I'm lucky to have parents that would never label me as a loser if I didn't function as well as I should. It's fine to be honest about their drug use and other challenges, but the label just isn't needed.
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