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Old 12-24-2018, 10:43 PM
 
356 posts, read 216,501 times
Reputation: 613

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Quote:
Originally Posted by AJNEOA View Post
I don't see why being honest requires a nasty label. I'm lucky to have parents that would never label me as a loser if I didn't function as well as I should. It's fine to be honest about their drug use and other challenges, but the label just isn't needed.

very true. But out of frustration one thinks and says the worse. Putting her thoughts in a public forum was probably a bad decision. It would've been better for her to either keep her thoughts to herself or vent to a close, non judgemental friend/family member. She should have seeked help much earlier on.

I feel badly for this parent, and for her daughter. I haven't read all the posts, but I'm quite sure there is either a physical or mental reason why her daughter is this way. Hopefully the reason will be discovered, and help given.

Last edited by Marble cake; 12-24-2018 at 10:58 PM..
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Old 12-24-2018, 10:49 PM
 
607 posts, read 149,952 times
Reputation: 622
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fullofdispair View Post
I know this sounds awful, and it probably is but no matter how much I have tried to help, my 36 year old daughter really is. She graduated HS but has dropped out of college 3 times always with excuses; I just can't learn, I just don't like it, I think it's stupid, it's too hard etc etc etc I have heard it all. Even the boyfriends she has had have dumped her because she won't get a job and she constantly goes back and forth between living with friends who eventually get sick of her.

She has had menial jobs but only ever lasts a few months at most. I have offered to pay for counseling but she refuses. Thankfully she doesn't have any kids and I don't give her any money or allow her to move back in. On the other hand I have a 31 year old son that is very successful and is married with a great wife and son. Of course I don't want this, but it's the reality. And as far as I know she doesn't have any drinking or drug problems. Am I being a bad mother for saying this?
Kids who have parents who have the ability to even apply that term to them, well they may be more likely to not turn out as well. No this doesn't make you a bad person. Hang in there

Last edited by BumbleBeeHunter; 12-24-2018 at 10:59 PM..
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Old 12-25-2018, 05:54 AM
 
108 posts, read 29,227 times
Reputation: 216
Full of despair,

Your note is imitately familiar to me in several ways. 1 of my 3 adult children is a complete terror, so much so, that i am replying on christmas day. Yes I think it's sad that a parent can give 110% to a child that routinely takes advantage of a parents love. We tried everything too...counseling, kicking him out, enlisted friends to help, etc. This drama is approaching a decade, and only now are we starting to see progress, I reiterate STARTING.

Why the progress? I have no clue, maybe it's maturity, though he is 25. Or maybe having to tell his own pathethic story has become embarrassing to explain(for the haters out there...he was not abused!!). I have been present when he is questioned by visiting family members on the 15+ jobs lost or fired, i simply turn to him and listen to the spin. Maybe those powerful moments were helpful. Who knows!! I truly don't know anymore. My point is, trust me, my wife and I totally understand the frustration.
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Old 12-25-2018, 06:48 AM
Status: "The days are getting longer" (set 13 days ago)
 
8,038 posts, read 10,361,436 times
Reputation: 11829
I can't imagine calling a child a loser. Even if I thought it, it's one thing you would never utter. It's subjective anyway. People struggle along the way, why label them? I heard someone I know call her children "idiots." It was a gut punch and I don't even know them. Whoa. Family issues to be sure.
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Old 01-03-2019, 12:29 AM
 
108 posts, read 70,748 times
Reputation: 336
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Most depression looks like "lazy". Again. I would not even use the word "lazy".
Some serious medical illneses also present in lethargy.

I'd bite my tongue and take my loved one to see a professional.
After reading pages of replies this is the first one that has mentioned that perhaps she has some sort of depression. I agree that "laziness" can really be a form of depression. Perhaps she has had low grade chronic depression most of her life and it comes out as not doing much to be a successful person over the years.

She also probably has low self esteem which can also make one feel depressed too. Finding the right therapist could help.
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Old 01-11-2019, 03:46 PM
 
Location: Illinois USA
309 posts, read 159,649 times
Reputation: 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fullofdispair View Post
I know this sounds awful, and it probably is but no matter how much I have tried to help, my 36 year old daughter really is. She graduated HS but has dropped out of college 3 times always with excuses; I just can't learn, I just don't like it, I think it's stupid, it's too hard etc etc etc I have heard it all. Even the boyfriends she has had have dumped her because she won't get a job and she constantly goes back and forth between living with friends who eventually get sick of her.

She has had menial jobs but only ever lasts a few months at most. I have offered to pay for counseling but she refuses. Thankfully she doesn't have any kids and I don't give her any money or allow her to move back in. On the other hand I have a 31 year old son that is very successful and is married with a great wife and son. Of course I don't want this, but it's the reality. And as far as I know she doesn't have any drinking or drug problems. Am I being a bad mother for saying this?
have you sought psychiatric help for her ? dont mean to be rude but she may have underlying psych issues which leads to poor motivation like ADHD subclinical depression bipolar etc

she needs to get pregnant with a guy who has a good job then she is set for life
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Old 01-11-2019, 05:23 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,301 posts, read 8,475,542 times
Reputation: 9902
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ergriz View Post

It's pretty clear the OP's daughter is one. Of course people go straight to "Oh, she must have some cognitive problem" "Oh, she didn't get the help she needed" etc. This is one thing I really hate about today, nothing is ever someone's fault, just others. Lots of people are just a waste of space and will never amount to anything. Thankfully this woman doesn't have children!
Bingo! Are you like me and also sick of hearing the word anxiety? I know it's a really problem but what a cop out word these days.
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Old 01-11-2019, 05:51 PM
 
Location: Illinois USA
309 posts, read 159,649 times
Reputation: 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by NDak15 View Post
Bingo! Are you like me and also sick of hearing the word anxiety? I know it's a really problem but what a cop out word these days.
very true and best way to see if its real anxiety or laziness is trial by fire

take away all the support networks and put them out on the street and see how they respond , historically starvation, lack of shelter and watching your children cry from hunger were pretty good motivations for people to work and earn.And kids came if you had sex like it or not

but now we have all kinds of help from the govt so sometime those with no ambition can still have it better than working poor

if we were NOT living in a welfare state a lot of those who are like OP's daughter will be forced to get their act togather or drift into a world of crime

that being said I understand as a parent how hard it is to hear this, im far from a perfect parent myself and i fear for my 4 yo

welfare state and caring parents can sometime turn children into ungrateful entitled narcissistic individuals who blame everyone else for their failure and its not their parents fault

Last edited by Dad01; 01-11-2019 at 05:59 PM..
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Old Yesterday, 10:37 AM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,301 posts, read 8,475,542 times
Reputation: 9902
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad01 View Post
very true and best way to see if its real anxiety or laziness is trial by fire

take away all the support networks and put them out on the street and see how they respond , historically starvation, lack of shelter and watching your children cry from hunger were pretty good motivations for people to work and earn.And kids came if you had sex like it or not

but now we have all kinds of help from the govt so sometime those with no ambition can still have it better than working poor

if we were NOT living in a welfare state a lot of those who are like OP's daughter will be forced to get their act togather or drift into a world of crime

that being said I understand as a parent how hard it is to hear this, im far from a perfect parent myself and i fear for my 4 yo

welfare state and caring parents can sometime turn children into ungrateful entitled narcissistic individuals who blame everyone else for their failure and its not their parents fault
This is so true. Seeing as how I've lived on my own for many years and that was the only realistic option, I literally could not afford to have anxiety. If I did my choice was to cowboy up and deal with it.
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Old Yesterday, 07:39 PM
 
8 posts, read 5,518 times
Reputation: 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by NDak15 View Post
This is so true. Seeing as how I've lived on my own for many years and that was the only realistic option, I literally could not afford to have anxiety. If I did my choice was to cowboy up and deal with it.
Thank you! Seems as if just about everyone today has "anxiety" or "depression". Seriously, can you imagine how these people would have coped back in the pioneer days, or really any time before modern times?
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