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Old 10-23-2018, 12:45 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,980 posts, read 23,165,411 times
Reputation: 17843

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Go to a Therapists office.
Never, would I come to a forum to call out my adult child as a loser.
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Old 10-23-2018, 03:29 PM
 
2,419 posts, read 1,340,096 times
Reputation: 4884
Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
Go to a Therapists office.
Never, would I come to a forum to call out my adult child as a loser.
Sometimes, it is warranted.

I know a couple who have two children, a 41 yr old male son, and a 37 yr old daughter. They were our neighbors growing up, I went to school with the son, and we went to the same college too.

At 41 years old, their son has never been gainfully employed for longer than 6 months at a time and usually much longer periods go by where he is not working at all. His parents have tried everything over the course of the last 30 years to get him to be a productive, functioning member of society. It's certainly not their fault, their daughter turned out just fine and is happily married with 2 kids of her own now, has a good job, she and her husband own a very nice home, etc.

But the son... he is a huge disappointment to his parents. He'll never accomplish anything in his life, unless you count staying up 18-20 hours playing a video game an accomplishment. If it weren't for his mother, his father would have disowned him a long time ago.

When his grandmother died, he went to the funeral wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and flip flops. His father was livid that he showed up that way. Had he known, he would have told him to stay home. And yes, he lives with his parents much of the time. About every other year or so, they get sick of him being there and they get him an apartment and pay his rent for him... until he inevitably spends too much and they make him move back home.

His parents are very well off, they live in Preston Hollow, the same neighborhood where former President George Bush lives, so he's had tons of opportunities that most people will never have. But their son is such a complete embarrassment to them they would certainly not mince words when asked if he is a loser or not.
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Old 10-23-2018, 06:36 PM
 
Location: Texas
7,482 posts, read 2,772,657 times
Reputation: 15932
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katana49 View Post
I know a couple who have two children, a 41 yr old male son, and a 37 yr old daughter. They were our neighbors growing up, I went to school with the son, and we went to the same college too.

At 41 years old, their son has never been gainfully employed for longer than 6 months at a time and usually much longer periods go by where he is not working at all. His parents have tried everything over the course of the last 30 years to get him to be a productive, functioning member of society. It's certainly not their fault, their daughter turned out just fine and is happily married with 2 kids of her own now, has a good job, she and her husband own a very nice home, etc.

But the son... he is a huge disappointment to his parents. He'll never accomplish anything in his life, unless you count staying up 18-20 hours playing a video game an accomplishment. If it weren't for his mother, his father would have disowned him a long time ago..
Video game addiction is a cause of unemployment for many adults. I know several parents who have adult children with the same issue: video games. None of them work for very long, and they live at home with their parents.
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Old 10-23-2018, 06:44 PM
 
401 posts, read 98,959 times
Reputation: 936
So, the picture I'm getting here is that there is no such thing as a loser, because everyone is someone's kid. Or is it ok to call other people's kids losers but not your own? Maybe that's the problem here. Too any parents who can't admit that they raised a lazy user. Maybe the "not MY little darling" attitude is what created them in the first place.
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Old 10-23-2018, 07:39 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,918 posts, read 22,233,413 times
Reputation: 45880
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fullofdispair View Post
I know this sounds awful, and it probably is but no matter how much I have tried to help, my 36 year old daughter really is. She graduated HS but has dropped out of college 3 times always with excuses; I just can't learn, I just don't like it, I think it's stupid, it's too hard etc etc etc I have heard it all. Even the boyfriends she has had have dumped her because she won't get a job and she constantly goes back and forth between living with friends who eventually get sick of her.

She has had menial jobs but only ever lasts a few months at most. I have offered to pay for counseling but she refuses. Thankfully she doesn't have any kids and I don't give her any money or allow her to move back in. On the other hand I have a 31 year old son that is very successful and is married with a great wife and son. Of course I don't want this, but it's the reality. And as far as I know she doesn't have any drinking or drug problems. Am I being a bad mother for saying this?
I think this whole post is increably sad. Maybe unconditional love would help.

Maybe she has a low sence of self esteem. I can not imagine why
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Old 10-23-2018, 07:45 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,918 posts, read 22,233,413 times
Reputation: 45880
Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
Go to a Therapists office.
Never, would I come to a forum to call out my adult child as a loser.
THIS. Call me old fashioned, but I do not believe in labeling people with juvenile terms such as "Loser".
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Old 10-23-2018, 08:00 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,980 posts, read 23,165,411 times
Reputation: 17843
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katana49 View Post
Sometimes, it is warranted.

I know a couple who have two children, a 41 yr old male son, and a 37 yr old daughter. They were our neighbors growing up, I went to school with the son, and we went to the same college too.

At 41 years old, their son has never been gainfully employed for longer than 6 months at a time and usually much longer periods go by where he is not working at all. His parents have tried everything over the course of the last 30 years to get him to be a productive, functioning member of society. It's certainly not their fault, their daughter turned out just fine and is happily married with 2 kids of her own now, has a good job, she and her husband own a very nice home, etc.

But the son... he is a huge disappointment to his parents. He'll never accomplish anything in his life, unless you count staying up 18-20 hours playing a video game an accomplishment. If it weren't for his mother, his father would have disowned him a long time ago.

When his grandmother died, he went to the funeral wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and flip flops. His father was livid that he showed up that way. Had he known, he would have told him to stay home. And yes, he lives with his parents much of the time. About every other year or so, they get sick of him being there and they get him an apartment and pay his rent for him... until he inevitably spends too much and they make him move back home.

His parents are very well off, they live in Preston Hollow, the same neighborhood where former President George Bush lives, so he's had tons of opportunities that most people will never have. But their son is such a complete embarrassment to them they would certainly not mince words when asked if he is a loser or not.
Sad. Something happened. You don't wake up one day unable to function in society.
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Old 10-23-2018, 09:57 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,343 posts, read 3,811,640 times
Reputation: 14080
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
THIS. Call me old fashioned, but I do not believe in labeling people with juvenile terms such as "Loser".
So if your child did nothing but sit around all day, lived off of you and couldn't hold a job, what would you label them? A productive member of society? A wonderful adult child? A child to be so proud of?

While I don't like the idea of calling a person a loser either, what IS the correct term for them in the "old fashioned sense?"
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Old 10-23-2018, 10:13 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,980 posts, read 23,165,411 times
Reputation: 17843
Quote:
Originally Posted by gouligann View Post
So if your child did nothing but sit around all day, lived off of you and couldn't hold a job, what would you label them? A productive member of society? A wonderful adult child? A child to be so proud of?

While I don't like the idea of calling a person a loser either, what IS the correct term for them in the "old fashioned sense?"
Snark speaks volumes.
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Old 10-23-2018, 10:23 PM
 
2,419 posts, read 1,340,096 times
Reputation: 4884
Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
Sad. Something happened. You don't wake up one day unable to function in society.

He didn't wake up one day like that. He's been like that his entire life. Nothing his parents did could instill in him a sense of responsibility, or a work ethic.
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