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My son just turned 13 and his best friend is 14. His friend is 1 year 3 months older but they are both in 8th grade. They are both small for their age but his bf is going thru the puberty growth spirt thing. My son doesn't care how he dresses and wants nothing more to do than play video games. Up until last month is bf was the same way, but now the kid is concerned with girls and looks.
For the past 5 years they spent every weekend together, took the kid on family vacations, basically inseparable and we considered the bf part of the family and we are close with his parents.
The boys planned on going trick or treating together this halloween. I dropped my son off at his bf house and they stayed in his neighborhood. My son called me an hour later to go pick him up. His bf met up with some other kids and ditched him alone, so my son went out by himself and then back to the bf house where he just waited for me. When his bf came back the bf blew my son off completely. My son says the bf doesn't sit with him at lunch anymore either. The following weekend the bf was suppose to come to our house (as usual for the past 5 years), but walked past my son to his bus and went home completely ignoring him. When I picked my son up he was just there alone.
It's very sad to see this as the two boys were so close. I think the bf is going thru the "hang out with the cool kids" syndrome.
Has anyone dealt with this and what advice can you give. It's very hurtful to see your child have his feeling hurt like this. I'm really surprised how the bf is acting.
I'm so sorry your kid is going through this! It is so hurtful...but unfortunately, not unusual.
The only advice I have (and I'm not necessarily sure it's good advice) is for your son to act like it's not phasing him, and concentrate on making new friends. Middle school absolutely sucks.
It's a life lesson . . . people move on . . . it hurts sometimes. Tell your son to find new friends (plural) and not to put all of his eggs in one basket. Diversify!
One thing I just thought of is that this is kind of typical of that age. Way back when I was in Jr. High (not middle school) and this happened to me, my parents had no clue about it.
I think parents are doing their kids a disservice to be so overly involved in their personal lives. These are lessons that need to be learned on one's own! This is real life stuff. It's how people grow and evolve - through overcoming challenges and realizing stuff for themselves.
I can't even imagine if my parents were projecting their ideas onto my reality. It is intrusive and a violation of boundaries and privacy.
My daughter went through something similar with her friends at that age. She went out trick-or-treating and some of the friend group ditched her. It absolutely is heartbreaking. Kids can be cruel. However, he needs to deal with it in his own way.
My daughter now older won’t put up with anyone treating her terribly. She is the opposite of me, where I hate confrontation, she’ll face things head on. She amazes me every day with the young woman she’s becoming!
I arrange for my daughter to go trick or treating every year with just one friend. Not that it matters, but we've never had this problem of ditching on Halloween.
I would tell my child to start talking and getting to know other kids and forget about the former friend, who wasn't a real friend. Ignore/avoid the former friend completely.
I know it won't be easy, but I would avoid making it an issue between yourself and the other boy's parents. Kids recover from disappointments and hurt feeling much faster when parents don't get involved. That doesn't mean you can't offer a consoling hug or a sympathetic ear, just let him know friends move in and out of our lives no matter how old we are.
I do understand how much it hurts , unfortunately sometimes childhood friends grow apart due to different interest, puberty etc... Sounds like the young man is maturing and outgrowing your son for now. Encourage your son to make new friends that has the same interests as he does. Possibly in the future they might renew their friendship.
Don't take it personally against your son, his friend is a year older and now the age difference is showing and boys and girls going through puberty are learning to deal with their bodies changing.
Unfortunately that’s life. It sucks, but it happens, especially at that age. Encourage your child to make new friends by joining a sport or club. He’ll be fine.
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