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Old 11-09-2018, 04:52 PM
 
Location: Central New Jersey
2,209 posts, read 836,612 times
Reputation: 3873

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OP needs to back off. If the mother doesn't want to introduce you as her boyfriend or whatever, that's because she knows there will be so many so called "uncles" in her life. The girl is young and most definitely confused right now. She has a father in her life and the last thing she needs right now is to be introduced to a new father figure. If its meant to be, it'll happen. Just don't force it especially to a young, immature, confused and I'm sure hurt 9 year old.
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Old 11-09-2018, 05:15 PM
 
9,576 posts, read 3,761,419 times
Reputation: 23994
OP, I think the term "playing her mom" is misleading.

She is trying to get her mom and dad together, to make her world secure again, and is doing the best she can to keep her boat from tipping over in rough waters.

She has a right to a stable and predictable life, and she's just doing what she can to calm the storm.
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Old 11-09-2018, 05:27 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,847 posts, read 30,130,134 times
Reputation: 22320
Oh boy.......

I will NEVER understand a world where children dictate the whys and wherefors and coming and going of their parents' lives. Nine year old little girls need to concern themselves withdoing their homework and getting good grades in school and the little dramas associated with their little friends. They need to not worry about their mother's love life or friendships and they DEFINITELY don't need to be involved in any decision making process.
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Old 11-09-2018, 05:38 PM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
36,697 posts, read 45,027,234 times
Reputation: 61035
Your future is in the hands of the girls mother. Until the daughter expresses the wish that you become a part of the family, Iím afraid you are doomed to wait.

Iím not saying this is right, but itís complicated. It is good that your gf puts her child first. She should. But it is not good that your gf puts her future in the hands of a 9 year old. I wish you luck.
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Old 11-09-2018, 06:29 PM
 
Location: Hockey Rulez, Texas
736 posts, read 225,639 times
Reputation: 1177
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
Oh boy.......

I will NEVER understand a world where children dictate the whys and wherefors and coming and going of their parents' lives. Nine year old little girls need to concern themselves withdoing their homework and getting good grades in school and the little dramas associated with their little friends. They need to not worry about their mother's love life or friendships and they DEFINITELY don't need to be involved in any decision making process.
Just curious... Do you have children?
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Old 11-09-2018, 06:32 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,847 posts, read 30,130,134 times
Reputation: 22320
Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterShipWreck View Post
Just curious... Do you have children?
No, but having been one, I feel qualified to reply. (I have been married to men who have them BTW)
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Old 11-09-2018, 11:43 PM
 
1,381 posts, read 342,723 times
Reputation: 2627
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huskerdu68 View Post
she still hasn't introduced me to as her boyfriend for the sake of the 9yo little girl (LG).
It isn't what you said in your post, it is what you didn't say in your post. You didn't talk about how this woman treats you and it doesn't sound like a two-way street of a relationship. It sounds like you are simply there, and after 9 months she doesn't think enough of you to make you "the boyfriend" for whatever the reason and is using a 9 year old girl as an excuse. If the young girl thinks her parents might get back together, perhaps that is because her father and mother have been discussing that and trying to work it out, which might be what the counseling is really for.

I think it is a waste of time for you to continue to compete with her ex-husband and for his daughter's attention all in attempt to elevate your relationship with this woman. After 9 months, I don't believe this is going to change and she knows it. I think you should break it off now, because she is stringing you along and this is only going to end up hurting you.
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Old 11-10-2018, 09:48 AM
 
Location: Hockey Rulez, Texas
736 posts, read 225,639 times
Reputation: 1177
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
No, but having been one, I feel qualified to reply. (I have been married to men who have them BTW)
Well. I hear what you are saying. But trust me... one looks at things differently once you have your own child. There is something that changes and grows inside of you - emotionally - once you have your own child. I feel like I did not finish growing emotionally until my son was born.
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Old 11-10-2018, 10:05 AM
 
3,492 posts, read 1,546,958 times
Reputation: 13103
Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterShipWreck View Post
Well. I hear what you are saying. But trust me... one looks at things differently once you have your own child. There is something that changes and grows inside of you - emotionally - once you have your own child. I feel like I did not finish growing emotionally until my son was born.

Also there is understanding the fear and sense of vulnerability a child feels and respecting the importance of stability and consistency in their lives.

I agree with others that the OP needs to back off and just continue to be a positive presence in the life of this child. Also important is to understand that whatever the OP thinks about the ex husband, or the girlfriend feels about her x, he is the child's FATHER and she loves him. She doesn't need a replacement, or to see him negated or undermined or competed with.
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Old 11-10-2018, 10:08 AM
 
3,492 posts, read 1,546,958 times
Reputation: 13103
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
Oh boy.......

I will NEVER understand a world where children dictate the whys and wherefors and coming and going of their parents' lives. Nine year old little girls need to concern themselves withdoing their homework and getting good grades in school and the little dramas associated with their little friends. They need to not worry about their mother's love life or friendships and they DEFINITELY don't need to be involved in any decision making process.

Maybe you need to read up on Child Development and how divorce/trauma affects developing minds of young children.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...nd-adolescents
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