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Old 11-13-2018, 02:01 AM
 
Location: Eugene, Oregon
8,134 posts, read 2,598,628 times
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I regretfully had to raise myself. The people who were supposed to be my parents, did no actual parenting at all. Does that count?
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Old 11-13-2018, 03:36 AM
 
Location: 60630
12,030 posts, read 17,533,686 times
Reputation: 11219
Quote:
Originally Posted by VexedAndSolitary View Post
I do most heartily regret reproducing, despite the fact that all 4 are productive citizens (youngest two still in college, one freshman at Purdue other 3rd year at UNC).

None gave me a speck of trouble and all are bragworthy to varying degrees however, I am so ill suited to the emotional, nurturing aspect of motherhood that all 4 suffered from being raised in an emotional vacuum.

I did very well in all practical areas of childrearing; they were raised in a highly structured household in very nice middle class sections, younger two had private schools, I was always home when they got in from school, their lives were filled with wholesome activities and enrichments.

What they never got was love. I functioned much like a nanny, an old school British nanny not a young fun loving type of nanny. I never played with them nor had any fun with them; I am incapable of that and in fact don't enjoy children at all.

All 4 are quite emotionally stunted as a result of their rearing.
So are you saying your kids as lacking normal human feelings and emotions.
I hope they don't have kids themselves is this is the case.

Last edited by glass_of_merlot; 11-13-2018 at 03:53 AM..
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Old 11-13-2018, 05:34 AM
 
Location: NY>FL>VA>NC>IN
2,316 posts, read 877,626 times
Reputation: 4896
Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
So are you saying your kids as lacking normal human feelings and emotions.
I hope they don't have kids themselves is this is the case.
Yes all 4 are pretty emotionally crippled. The eldest two, ages 36 (m) and 35 (f) have 1 and soon to be 3 children respectively.

Both are far more loving to their children than I was to them; my son's wife is an angel with a huge, gentle heart and is very loving to their son luckily and my daughter actually plays with hers.

Their emotional detachment manifests more in their relation to peers/sig others/their sibs. We're all iike polite acquaintances in our interactions (though two of my daughters do tell me EVERYthing and more than I wish to know about their lives). None have ever been "in love" and the eldest two married partners that suited them in practical ways. All of us are incapabale of empathy for peers/adults but all are deeply affected by animal welfare issues.
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Old 11-13-2018, 06:17 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,618 posts, read 4,363,826 times
Reputation: 20043
Yes and no because the last time I answered this question honestly in another thread I was attacked so that is all I'm going to say.
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Old 11-13-2018, 09:02 AM
 
1,394 posts, read 1,062,955 times
Reputation: 4572
Quote:
Originally Posted by VexedAndSolitary View Post
I do most heartily regret reproducing, despite the fact that all 4 are productive citizens (youngest two still in college, one freshman at Purdue other 3rd year at UNC).

None gave me a speck of trouble and all are bragworthy to varying degrees however, I am so ill suited to the emotional, nurturing aspect of motherhood that all 4 suffered from being raised in an emotional vacuum.

I did very well in all practical areas of childrearing; they were raised in a highly structured household in very nice middle class sections, younger two had private schools, I was always home when they got in from school, their lives were filled with wholesome activities and enrichments.

What they never got was love. I functioned much like a nanny, an old school British nanny not a young fun loving type of nanny. I never played with them nor had any fun with them; I am incapable of that and in fact don't enjoy children at all.

All 4 are quite emotionally stunted as a result of their rearing.
Thank you for your honesty, I don't think that you are alone but most people who do regret having children are afraid to admit it.
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Old 11-13-2018, 09:20 AM
 
Location: NY>FL>VA>NC>IN
2,316 posts, read 877,626 times
Reputation: 4896
Quote:
Originally Posted by ccc123 View Post
Thank you for your honesty, I don't think that you are alone but most people who do regret having children are afraid to admit it.
One of the perks of having little emotion is the ability to be realistic about oneself and in general.
Emotions obscure logic.
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Old 11-13-2018, 02:02 PM
 
5,269 posts, read 1,774,516 times
Reputation: 8341
Quote:
Originally Posted by citylove101 View Post
The teenage years were very rough with our kids, especially for one of them. Yet with a lot of hard work on all out parts, this kid managed to make it through to young adulthood pretty much healthy and sane. So did his sibling. Yes, we would have had a lot more money and a financially easier life without kids, but we would have had it for what purpose?

To me, nothing compares with the plain amazement of watching squirming helpless babies ultimately turn into interesting people with their own thoughts, ambitions, desires, and behaviors. That they do, is to my way of thinking, one of the miracles of the world that only parents can fully appreciate.

I wouldn't trade the whole experience for anything.
I think the people who put the context of life without kids = 'more money for MEEEEEEEE' will never get it.

No comparison. If anyone thinks there is a comparison? Please don't ever have kids. Ever. EVER.
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Old 11-14-2018, 05:30 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,618 posts, read 4,363,826 times
Reputation: 20043
Some parents are blessed with children who were a joy to have and who made a nice life for themselves. Other parents not so much. Some people have a child who sucks the life out of them, is always in trouble or always makes bad decisions despite having a heart of gold. They may have other children who are fine so it's not always bad parenting that causes the one kid to always screw up. So for those who have great kids be thankful and don't judge those who choose not to have any or who found parenthood less than they had hoped.

And for those who deliberately chose NOT to have children because they knew it wasn't the right choice for them, for whatever reason, I applaud your bravery.
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Old 11-14-2018, 08:48 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,831 posts, read 29,841,422 times
Reputation: 22168
It saddens me greatly to see how parenthood has affected a very dear friend of mine. Once he was a vibrant, fearless man never afraid to face change or challenges head on. He had great dreams and plans for his future.

After having a child 5 years ago I have watched him slowly change by degrees. First he gave up the dream of owning his favorite car, a Camaro because it was not a "family car".

One thing after another has fallen away and now the only thing the thinks about or talks about is his kid. Essentially the friend I had has died and all that remains is a body. I mourn for the incredible spirit and enthusiasm he once had for life.
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Old 11-15-2018, 12:22 AM
 
1,910 posts, read 1,049,372 times
Reputation: 4324
Our only regret is that we couldn't have more than two children. We're retired now and very busy, but wish we had more kids.
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