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Old 11-15-2018, 12:25 AM
 
1,930 posts, read 1,052,484 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
It saddens me greatly to see how parenthood has affected a very dear friend of mine. Once he was a vibrant, fearless man never afraid to face change or challenges head on. He had great dreams and plans for his future.

After having a child 5 years ago I have watched him slowly change by degrees. First he gave up the dream of owning his favorite car, a Camaro because it was not a "family car".

One thing after another has fallen away and now the only thing the thinks about or talks about is his kid. Essentially the friend I had has died and all that remains is a body. I mourn for the incredible spirit and enthusiasm he once had for life.
He sounds like a great parent who really enjoys his child. I can't find anything wrong with that.

If a silly car is all he has to sacrifice, that's so minor compared to the joy of having a child. They make you laugh every day and they love you like no one else ever can. And it works the other way too.

Sounds like your friend grew up and is enjoying his life with his family.
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Old 11-15-2018, 07:14 AM
 
1,080 posts, read 728,058 times
Reputation: 3839
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
It saddens me greatly to see how parenthood has affected a very dear friend of mine. Once he was a vibrant, fearless man never afraid to face change or challenges head on. He had great dreams and plans for his future.

After having a child 5 years ago I have watched him slowly change by degrees. First he gave up the dream of owning his favorite car, a Camaro because it was not a "family car".

One thing after another has fallen away and now the only thing the thinks about or talks about is his kid. Essentially the friend I had has died and all that remains is a body. I mourn for the incredible spirit and enthusiasm he once had for life.
He is still vibrant, has incredible spirit, enthusiasm and if his child is in any danger I'm sure he would be fearless. He grew up and now his priorities has changed and I'm sure he wouldn't change a thing. Your friend grew to a man.
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Old 11-15-2018, 07:22 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,419 posts, read 22,625,620 times
Reputation: 36346
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
It saddens me greatly to see how parenthood has affected a very dear friend of mine. Once he was a vibrant, fearless man never afraid to face change or challenges head on. He had great dreams and plans for his future.

After having a child 5 years ago I have watched him slowly change by degrees. First he gave up the dream of owning his favorite car, a Camaro because it was not a "family car".

One thing after another has fallen away and now the only thing the thinks about or talks about is his kid. Essentially the friend I had has died and all that remains is a body. I mourn for the incredible spirit and enthusiasm he once had for life.
Parenthood does change people and their priorities. As it should. *shrugs*

Not to mention, presumably parenthood is something he chose- or at least chose not to avoid. Nothing says he can't have that Camero later in life.

To address the OP, I can honestly say I've never regretted being a parent. I've regretted how I've handled certain situations and certainly been tired and frustrated more often than I'd like to admit, but regret? Never.
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Old 11-15-2018, 10:02 AM
 
Location: Colorado
10,717 posts, read 6,762,260 times
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I often wonder how my life would have been, if I'd chosen a different path. I sometimes wish there were some way to upload the entire contents of my brain to some sort of sophisticated simulation program, which also has in it all the data we have on the conditions of the world during my lifetime, and run an operation where if I changed some factor, I could get, via probabilities, a simulated outcome of how my life likely would have gone. I have a curiosity about what other things I could have done if I had not done what I did. I think it's fairly normal to contemplate one's life history and wonder how it could have been, had any number of choices been made differently.

And certainly my having kids, and more significantly the man I allowed to father them, was one of those things, I wonder how it could have been if I'd chosen differently.

But regret? No. Regret is too strong a word.
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Old 11-15-2018, 10:48 AM
 
Location: SoCal
11,431 posts, read 5,499,011 times
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No not really. But my kids didnít give me any trouble. Not terrible twos, nothing. I might have a different answer if they did.
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Old 11-15-2018, 11:24 AM
 
Location: Forest bathing
1,539 posts, read 850,076 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rodentraiser View Post
My parents regret that they had to have children before birth control was available. Neither one of them wanted kids. My mom said if the pill had come along a year earlier, she never would have had my brothers. She always said she wished she never had kids and told us that or a regular basis. I'm sure her first reaction at finding out she was pregnant was "Oh, s**t!"
My mom was tbe same way. She frequently told us she never wanted us 3 girls. Yes, we have still have issues. It hurts. I wanted my daughter and even though she is on the high functioning autism spectrum, love her muchly. She was a handfull to raise but i woukd never have chosen not to be her mom.
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Old 11-15-2018, 12:34 PM
 
Location: Madison city, alabama
253 posts, read 301,948 times
Reputation: 332
Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
[/b]

I am sorry for being dense. But are you thankful you didn't have children because your wife contacted dementia and you had to care for her like a child?
Or was this a decision you made from the very beginning when you first met?


And what does this have to do with other people not being great parents? I mean, I agree. Many people shouldn't be parents. I'm just confused how you use you and your wife's situation as an example .


Idk. I'm just confused I guess.


By the way, It sounds like you would be a great parent had you decided to go that route.
I understand his point totally, he is dealing with enough already with his wife's sickness and having children in the mix would have just made it much worse. More adults need to look deep into their decisions and actions about the what if's and can I handle it. I respect his decision totally.
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Old 11-15-2018, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Madison city, alabama
253 posts, read 301,948 times
Reputation: 332
I find that my childhood of not being wanted or needed by my own parents made my life as a parent very difficult. I went out of my way to try and give my children the true love and attention I thought they needed. I went and spoiled my children which I should never have done. It's not about the money because we never had any. Emotionally overdoing it makes children weak and sheltered.

I do regret having children before I was emotionally stable enough. I love my children and they have come into their own and very proud of them. It took me standing up and saying no and being real with them for me to be happy about having them. that is the only regret I have about it.
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Old 11-15-2018, 01:18 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,046 posts, read 1,470,327 times
Reputation: 8999
There have been published polls on this (maybe Dear Abby or Ann Landers), and the results are always around 70% would not have had children. That number seems high to me.

I am glad I had my kids, though it has made my life very difficult. My belief system is one in which I think I came here to "expand" my consciousness, and the experiences I have been through have resulted in that, for sure.

If I had not had children, I would have remained very immature and one-dimensional. They gave me lots of "content" and depth.
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Old 11-15-2018, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
25,745 posts, read 61,283,957 times
Reputation: 28846
Regrets no. I do run various scenarios through my head at times. What i we had no kids? We would certainly be quite wealthy, but sad and lonely? How would it impact our marriage? What if we had stopped having kids after the twins were born? Would they be better off without siblings? They certainly would have had more financial resources available to them. What if we had moved back to Michigan earlier? Or not moved? or not gone to California at all? what about having another kid or two? I like to think through different possibilities and imagine what it might have been like. It is fun to do, but I do not recall it ever resulting in regrets. The only one that is really a big regret is moving so far away form my parents and siblings and depriving them and our kids of the family relationship. that is a definite regret. Nothing else really is though just interesting possibilities to think about.
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