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Old 03-02-2019, 06:38 AM
 
Location: Long Island
6,412 posts, read 2,786,786 times
Reputation: 4592

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostnip View Post
When I told my mom I didn't intend to have kids, she told me she supported that decision, and that she wished that had been an option when she was young, because she'd never wanted kids. So that was...candid. Explained a lot, in retrospect.

As a person without biological children of my own, I've had a surprising number of people quietly confess to me, "of course I love my children, but if I could go back in time..."

I think there are a lot of people who, while they might not feel comfortable saying they regret it, as that's like wishing their kid out of existence, would make a different choice if they had a second go-around at the childbearing years. I think there are also a significant quantity of people who frankly do regret it, but have to keep that to themselves.
I agree. I always wanted kids but it's not for everyone. I think things have gotten better in terms of people feeling able to be honest about their decisions, but there is still a ton of pressure in people to procreate. Every child should be 100% wanted.
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Old 03-05-2019, 05:20 AM
 
36,304 posts, read 13,916,370 times
Reputation: 22979
I have absolutely no regrets about raising our kids. If we hadn't spent our money on them, we would have spent it on something even more foolish.

However, we put off having children for years as both our parents were "uneasy" parents.

From time to time, my mother would say that if she never had kids, she wouldn't have missed them. She was an odd duck. My father was a distant man. Husband's father was an alcoholic and his mother struggled with mental illness, not always successfully.

So, with no parenting role models to speak of, we worried that it would turn out no better for us.

Fortunately, it turned out just fine. We have great kids. Some have children of their own and are terrific parents. Far better than we were. Loving being grandparents.

So glad we decided that children would be part of our journey through life.

However, I know several people who regret having children because they turned out to be a ton of trouble. Two no longer speak to their grown children.

Last edited by GotHereQuickAsICould; 03-05-2019 at 05:38 AM..
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Old 03-11-2019, 12:45 PM
 
32 posts, read 5,003 times
Reputation: 66
I adore my son, but if I had this life to live over I would not have had children. Parenting in the early years was a difficult slog for me. We both worked with small, self-owned businesses and I was often very depressed, very tired and even resentful that I had no time for anything. My son was a difficult child and had dyslexia so school was always a battle. There were so many crises and issues just to keep our family afloat for many years. We are in a much better place now, but given a different life, I would have chosen to be child free.

Once my son hit 13, miraculously he became much easier to manage (I know, right? Who says that about a 13 year old.) Getting some success with sports really helped him. He is a great kid and we love him to pieces. I can't say I regret being a mother but I would be fine without the experience if I am fully honest with myself. Both the hubs and I come from big families, and we have plenty of exposure to kids. I don't think our lives would have been shattered if we hadn't had one of our own.
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Old 03-11-2019, 01:24 PM
Status: "I don't have to agree." (set 9 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
8,244 posts, read 3,087,912 times
Reputation: 17320
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonlightserenade View Post
I adore my son, but if I had this life to live over I would not have had children. Parenting in the early years was a difficult slog for me. We both worked with small, self-owned businesses and I was often very depressed, very tired and even resentful that I had no time for anything. My son was a difficult child and had dyslexia so school was always a battle. There were so many crises and issues just to keep our family afloat for many years. We are in a much better place now, but given a different life, I would have chosen to be child free.

Once my son hit 13, miraculously he became much easier to manage (I know, right? Who says that about a 13 year old.) Getting some success with sports really helped him. He is a great kid and we love him to pieces. I can't say I regret being a mother but I would be fine without the experience if I am fully honest with myself. Both the hubs and I come from big families, and we have plenty of exposure to kids. I don't think our lives would have been shattered if we hadn't had one of our own.
This is probably going to be terribly offensive to a lot of people, but I don't envy those who are childless.

There. I said it.
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Old 03-11-2019, 01:38 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,984 posts, read 3,394,449 times
Reputation: 9768
Oh, how much easier my life would be if we hadn't had children! I can't imagine the carefree life of not being worried about growing children. It must be so liberating... but of course, the childfree don't know how liberated they truly are, because they haven't experienced how it feels to have your heart walking around outside of your body.

Regrets? None. Wistful thinking? Sure, sometimes. We would have so much more money and we'd have been able to travel more. But I'd also be missing an enormous amount of fulfillment (which, admittedly, I would not know I was missing).

So no, I'm not regretful that I took the path I took. I am thankful that I had the kids early; I don't think I'd want to be in my early 40s with young children. Mine are older teens and within 10 years, they will (hopefully) be out of the house and established in their own adult lives and I'm looking forward to that while also enjoying the few years we have left with all of us living together under the same roof.
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Old 03-11-2019, 03:19 PM
 
1,395 posts, read 1,067,251 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
This is probably going to be terribly offensive to a lot of people, but I don't envy those who are childless.

There. I said it.
Why would that be offensive? Envy is a useless emotion anyway.
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Old 03-11-2019, 03:49 PM
 
517 posts, read 223,482 times
Reputation: 1172
The ONLY regret I have is their mother. I wish I would have seen the warning signs much sooner especially listening to my parents about staying away from that person.
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Old Yesterday, 09:21 PM
 
2,777 posts, read 4,030,983 times
Reputation: 6607
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
The father of the Newtown shooter regretted that his son had ever been born. But the father had had a good relationship with the child, until the divorce and the crazy mother keeping the young man from getting help for his mental illness, and giving him access to firearms, and training him in their use. I always wanted to write to the father and tell him that despite the horrible crime that his son had committed, he should cherish the memories that he had of parenting the young boy. Despite what the boy wound up as (and it seemed that it happened in spite of the father's best efforts to intervene, not because of the father), I felt that the father should try to focus on the happy memories he had of being with his son when he was young.
Please.... ridiculous to blame the mother for all of this. No way would a 'good' father have left his child in the hands of a 'crazy' mother. If he had been any kind of father he would have had some ba**s and stepped up and demanded custody. If I remember correctly the father hadn't had contact with his son in years.... that is not a good father. I guess it's pretty easy to blame the other parent when you abdicate your responsibility to your kid.
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Old Today, 03:31 AM
 
5,535 posts, read 2,517,208 times
Reputation: 14093
I regretted HOW I raised them or some actions I made concerning them. Having them and being able to be called their Mom is truly an honor I take to heart.

TBH I never was without children in my entire life....From childhood onwards...babysat my neighbors kids, or in the summers had to be Big sister to some kids...It was as natural as could be that I would someday parent. Little did I know that these ones I couldn't hand back to the owners...I was the owner! (LOL!) Not that they were property...as I'm sure some are giving the raised eyebrow on that comment. Instead I was fully accountable 24/7 for their well being....BIG Difference.
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Old Today, 01:19 PM
 
Location: NJ
23,360 posts, read 29,469,075 times
Reputation: 15263
i have 2 girls, 9 & 4. i have to say that the amount that those kids add to my life is immeasurable. i was a pretty happy guy before having kids so you figure how much happier can i be. well, a lot happier i guess. sure, its more work but its work with my two favorite people in the world.

id like to have more kids but my wife isnt on board. people think i would want a boy, i want more girls. why change what is working for me?
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