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Old 11-11-2018, 07:45 PM
 
Location: Plainfield NJ
74 posts, read 10,960 times
Reputation: 96

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Also, yes there are a lot of children but I refuse to hold one or more of them back because the others dont have the same ability or inclination. They are different people with different needs.
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Old 11-11-2018, 07:55 PM
 
635 posts, read 323,225 times
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It’s not just about the expense. A travel team is a big commitment time-wise, especially for the family. Perhaps she’s already overwhelmed with the schedules of 7 kids and she just can’t put any more on her plate right now.

Have you and your husband thought about which parent will be the one to travel with him? Are you or your husband prepared to take him to all of his games and practices? You’re not just asking her to let him participate, you’re asking her to commit a substantial amount of her own limited time to help get him to and from practices and away games. I assume she has a job and can’t just travel with him at a moments notice and be a slave to his sports schedule. But that’s exactly what a travel team is. If no one can travel with him, that means he has to travel with the team without a parental chaperone. It’s a huge time commitment for the parents and, these days, a potential safety risk for the son, with zero guarantee that he’ll play professional sports. I know quite a few parents whose kids played on travel sports teams. Meanwhile, the entire family’s lives revolved around the travel team schedule. They couldn’t even take summer vacations because it interfered with the travel team. None of these kids ended up playing professionally. Travel teams are a huge money making racket, so being picked by one doesn’t really mean anything. The travel teams plays it up like the kid actually has the potential to become a professional player. They don’t. The odds are abysmally low that it will lead to a sports career.

A travel team requires the cooperation, commitment, and sacrifice of all parents involved. It also means a sacrifice of the time she has for her other 6 kids and also for herself. There’s probably not a lot of time in the day left for her. Parents, especially one with 7 kids, need to have balance and down time to be good, effective parents. A travel team isnt just some fun activity like playing with a high school team or in a community league. It’s a hard core, serious, time-sucking commitment.

Maybe she’s thought about all of this but can’t articulate it. Or maybe there’s no way for her to say it without sounding selfish, or like the other kids are more important, thereby creating resentment between siblings, so she’s offering other excuses.

Personally I would never let my kid play on a travel team. With 2 kids, I just don’t have that kind of time to devote to one child’s sport. I can’t even imagine how much less time I’d have with 7 kids.

Last edited by FairMindedLL; 11-11-2018 at 08:04 PM..
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Old 11-11-2018, 08:08 PM
 
Location: Plainfield NJ
74 posts, read 10,960 times
Reputation: 96
I'm not quoting because so much. But I understand what you're saying. We already know parents who are in the same league. The oldest son was offered 4 full ride scholarships in college. Most kids never play professional ball but offsetting college costs with 9 kids is a big deal. We told her if we do it we will take the responsibility of taking him to and from practices. We've already spoken to our friend who has a son that plays at a higher level and he will also take to and from, like a baseball carpool. We made it explicitly clear that we dont require her to do anything extra nor pay anything extra. So she doesnt have to worry how she comes across by denying him. She comes across as childish and immature by taunting a 14 year old and goading him into getting upset so she can use that as an excuse to further berate him.
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Old Yesterday, 04:59 AM
 
11,533 posts, read 5,949,473 times
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I sure hope this kid is getting straight A’s. Not many kids end up as professional baseball players.
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Old Yesterday, 07:17 AM
 
Location: Plainfield NJ
74 posts, read 10,960 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
I sure hope this kid is getting straight As. Not many kids end up as professional baseball players.
He does not. And I know he wont make the majors. But he believes and it makes it work hard and try to improve himself. So I'm not going to tell him hes not. And we've recently explained that if there are 5 spaces in college and 100 baseball kids they will base it on grades so he better start working a little harder
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Old Yesterday, 08:30 AM
 
3,372 posts, read 3,293,119 times
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It IS important for them to have something that they're really good at, that they work hard at, when they're adolescents. After all, what would he be doing with all that time on his hands, if he weren't playing baseball? Hate to say it, but the best you could hope for is playing video games, worst case scenario is getting high and getting some girl pregnant, maybe even criminal activity. So I wholeheartedly agree with you about the travel team.

Even if he doesn't make the majors, if he's really good, he is likely to get a very substantial scholarship to college for playing baseball. And if he plays on this high level travel team, he's going to get better, be more likely to make the high school varsity team.

I've seen kids who had to drop the thing that gave them pride and self-esteem, because of an injury. They get really depressed when they lose the thing that made them feel good about themselves. So I think that you should do everything possible to encourage him.

Mom may not want to drive, which is totally understandable with all those kids she's raising, so if you guys offer to do all the driving, it may help. Mom may just see it as, ex and his wife say yes, so I'll oppose it. So DO try to get the coach to talk to her about the importance of it. And as a last resort, tell the kid what's up. He is a 14 yr old boy. LOTS of teenagers switch the parent they live with. No court is going to force him to live with his mother, when he says that he wants to live with his father. In this case, it makes all the sense in the world for him to live with the family that supports his very healthy involvement in baseball, as opposed to the parent who doesn't. He can live with you, and see his mom on occasional weeknights for dinner, and on occasional weekends when he doesn't have a travel game.

When it comes down to it, if she realizes that he is going to switch his home to his father's house over this, she will let him play travel team. You'll still get stuck with the driving, though.

I can only imagine what that poor woman's life must be like, raising all those kids alone. And you and your husband must be paying a LOT in child support. Two sets of triplets? I cannot believe it! Even with clomid or IVF, that shouldn't have happened, and if it happened naturally, they should be the subject of medical research!
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Old Yesterday, 08:39 AM
 
Location: Plainfield NJ
74 posts, read 10,960 times
Reputation: 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
It IS important for them to have something that they're really good at, that they work hard at, when they're adolescents. After all, what would he be doing with all that time on his hands, if he weren't playing baseball? Hate to say it, but the best you could hope for is playing video games, worst case scenario is getting high and getting some girl pregnant, maybe even criminal activity. So I wholeheartedly agree with you about the travel team.

Even if he doesn't make the majors, if he's really good, he is likely to get a very substantial scholarship to college for playing baseball. And if he plays on this high level travel team, he's going to get better, be more likely to make the high school varsity team.

I've seen kids who had to drop the thing that gave them pride and self-esteem, because of an injury. They get really depressed when they lose the thing that made them feel good about themselves. So I think that you should do everything possible to encourage him.

Mom may not want to drive, which is totally understandable with all those kids she's raising, so if you guys offer to do all the driving, it may help. Mom may just see it as, ex and his wife say yes, so I'll oppose it. So DO try to get the coach to talk to her about the importance of it. And as a last resort, tell the kid what's up. He is a 14 yr old boy. LOTS of teenagers switch the parent they live with. No court is going to force him to live with his mother, when he says that he wants to live with his father. In this case, it makes all the sense in the world for him to live with the family that supports his very healthy involvement in baseball, as opposed to the parent who doesn't. He can live with you, and see his mom on occasional weeknights for dinner, and on occasional weekends when he doesn't have a travel game.

When it comes down to it, if she realizes that he is going to switch his home to his father's house over this, she will let him play travel team. You'll still get stuck with the driving, though.

I can only imagine what that poor woman's life must be like, raising all those kids alone. And you and your husband must be paying a LOT in child support. Two sets of triplets? I cannot believe it! Even with clomid or IVF, that shouldn't have happened, and if it happened naturally, they should be the subject of medical research!
He knows the situation. He told her yesterday that he is going to live with us and she told him the judge will laugh in his face. The way I see it is children need the best place for their wellbeing, happy safe etc. Right now for him that's us. It's not a one size fits all situation. And by the end of the school year he will be 15. He should get to decide. They were clomid babies. She said "if one dose means I might get a baby then 3 doses should guarantee a baby" and she did that twice. Lmbo and child support is quite a lot. My husband pays more in child support than the average US family household salary. They've been divorced for 5 years and she just got a job for the first time this year!
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Old Yesterday, 08:52 AM
 
3,372 posts, read 3,293,119 times
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Unless your husband is a monster who has no legal custody because he is a criminal, the boy will be allowed to live with his father. And if he's fighting with his siblings, his mother's house will be more peaceful. Just sign him up, and let him come live with you. The judge won't oppose it, if she goes to court. The kid has more power than he realizes in this situation. The judge is not gonna put him in prison for living with his father. And he can simply move over to you, or refuse to go back to his mother's after a visit with you. You don't have to go to court to get permission first. If it's a done deal, and going well, by the time you get into court the question will be moot. No judge is going to force a teenage boy to live with his mother instead of his father, unless his father is unfit.

Last edited by parentologist; Yesterday at 09:08 AM..
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Old Yesterday, 08:56 AM
 
Location: Plainfield NJ
74 posts, read 10,960 times
Reputation: 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
Unless your husband is a monster who has no legal custody because he is a criminal, the boy will be allowed to live with his father. And if he's fighting with his siblings, his mother's house will be more peaceful. Just sign him up, and let him come live with you. The judge won't oppose it, if she goes to court. The kid has more power than he realizes in this situation. The judge is not gonna put him in prison for living with his father.
I think we are going to meet with our lawyer next week. We tried for custody of him in 2014 but were denied (but he was only 10 then) because the judge felt he needed to be with all his siblings. But the same issues have been going on for years and years and now at 14 he can stand up for himself and say. And we've talked about the likelihood of the judge forcing him to go home to her when hes as old as he is.

Also she is the parent of primary residence and he is the parent of alternate residence but they share jointly legal custody
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Old Yesterday, 10:24 AM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,122 posts, read 8,268,164 times
Reputation: 9535
Quote:
Originally Posted by LO28SWM View Post


Me and my husband have 9 children between us. 7 from his previous marriage 1 from my previous marriage and 1 together. And co-parenting with a jerk is the hardest thing I've ever done.

This particular instance is our oldest boy (14) wants to play professional baseball as a catcher. Hes team captain and hes really good. So we found an awesome travel team that regularly has scouts attend games. But it's expensive. We are willing to pay for it out of pocket ourselves and she is refusing to let him play on the grounds that we are "spoiling him". Its so monumentally frustrating.

Anyone have any experience with impossible co-parenting and have advice??
If you put the amount of money you would blow on your son's traveling team expenses into a savings plan you could probably send him to college and he would graduate debt free. Just do the math on how much you would spend on gas, food, and lodging. What are you going to do with the other eight kids during those times you're traveling? Seriously, get the calculator out and do the math. I don't know if I would call a traveling team spoiling but I sure as hell wouldn't shell out that kind of cash. Especially if I had eight other kids.
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