U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-13-2018, 12:06 PM
 
Location: Orlando
1,828 posts, read 2,431,156 times
Reputation: 6596

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by bus man View Post
OP, if I am reading your situation correctly (and please correct me if I'm not), there are a total of 9 children involved: 1 that's fully yours; 1 that you share with your ex-partner; and 7 that your husband (and you) share with his ex-partner. So, depending on how the custody arrangements are set, you could have anywhere between 1 and 9 kids living with you at any given time; and your husband's ex could have between 0 and 7 kids living with her at any given time.

Given this situation, I not only understand why she would not want her son to play on a travel team, I agree with her. There is simply no way that she could possibly manage it. If she had to take him to any of the games, she'd have to leave her other 6 kids home unattended, or else drag them along (at additional expense). And while I understand that you have said that you and your husband would handle all the travel logistics, she might not believe you; or she might believe you in theory, but worry about what might happen some weekend when you find yourselves unavailable and the duty falls into her lap.

Moreover, any weekend that her son is traveling is a weekend that he is not spending with her. And maybe, just maybe, she WANTS to spend time with him. His being on a travel team would rob her of that opportunity.

I would not allow my family's life to be held hostage to some travel team. And it's quite possible that she feels the same way.

I think the best thing to do is have your husband explain to his son that, he's sorry, but he and his mother could not come to an agreement regarding the travel team, so he (the son) will not be able to participate. The boy will be sad, I'm sure, but it'll be a good life lesson for him: sometimes, you don't get what you want.
I have to say I agree with this post. In addition to Busman's reasoning, I think of friends whose kids or grandkids participated in travel teams. They said the experience is just not worth the sacrifice, in terms of money, time, and family cohesiveness.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-13-2018, 01:07 PM
 
Location: Plainfield NJ
115 posts, read 29,501 times
Reputation: 285
Quote:
Originally Posted by bus man View Post
Are you sure about this? I'm no expert in this field, but it seems to me that if the OP's husband and his ex have a custody agreement, just arbitrarily deciding that the boy can come live with them would be breaking that agreement. I would think that the ex could drag them to court, prove that they have willfully violated the terms of their custody agreement, and get them into a heap of trouble. She may even be able to wrest full custody from them.

Again, I'm no expert. But I would tread very, very lightly when talking about deliberately going behind the judge's back and violating the court's order.
So we have a LOT of experience in family court. This has not been a nice divorce/custody/family situation. We would not have him move in with us officially without court approval because we cant. We couldnt do anything with school without physical custody. That being said, if at his age he comes to our house and refuses to leave there is nothing that can be done until we go to court. We have done this before. He is a willful child and if he refuses to return we wont wrestle him into the car and force him, he usually relents on his own. But we have also called the police to speak to him and a social worker to ensure we arent violating the law. Additionally the court only rules if the parents cant agree so one of the options is trying to get her to agree to it so that we can file a consent order which basically says neither party objects.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-13-2018, 01:13 PM
 
4 posts, read 616 times
Reputation: 11
Default well..

Quote:
Originally Posted by turkeydance View Post
"...she is refusing to let him play..."
he is already playing. is she refusing to let him travel?
He might just be referring to recently
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-13-2018, 01:15 PM
 
Location: Plainfield NJ
115 posts, read 29,501 times
Reputation: 285
Quote:
Originally Posted by bus man View Post
OP, if I am reading your situation correctly (and please correct me if I'm not), there are a total of 9 children involved: 1 that's fully yours; 1 that you share with your ex-partner; and 7 that your husband (and you) share with his ex-partner. So, depending on how the custody arrangements are set, you could have anywhere between 1 and 9 kids living with you at any given time; and your husband's ex could have between 0 and 7 kids living with her at any given time.

Given this situation, I not only understand why she would not want her son to play on a travel team, I agree with her. There is simply no way that she could possibly manage it. If she had to take him to any of the games, she'd have to leave her other 6 kids home unattended, or else drag them along (at additional expense). And while I understand that you have said that you and your husband would handle all the travel logistics, she might not believe you; or she might believe you in theory, but worry about what might happen some weekend when you find yourselves unavailable and the duty falls into her lap.

Moreover, any weekend that her son is traveling is a weekend that he is not spending with her. And maybe, just maybe, she WANTS to spend time with him. His being on a travel team would rob her of that opportunity.

But this, right here, is the main reason why I agree with the ex:



I would not allow my family's life to be held hostage to some travel team. And it's quite possible that she feels the same way.

I think the best thing to do is have your husband explain to his son that, he's sorry, but he and his mother could not come to an agreement regarding the travel team, so he (the son) will not be able to participate. The boy will be sad, I'm sure, but it'll be a good life lesson for him: sometimes, you don't get what you want.
First and foremost what works for your family may not work for mine and vice versa.

Second, while I know this may be hard to believe I KNOW that wanting to spend time with him is not her motivation. Neither is not planning her life around him. He is her black sheep. When he misbehaves she abandons him, sometimes on the side of the road and my husband has to pick him up or call him an uber. She leaves him home by himself when she takes her other children on day trips. And almost every single weekend he is at our house. "Our weekends" he is there the whole weekend and on her weekends there is always a fight or disagreement which results in him coming to our house. She texts my husband and says come take him. Then the next day says my husband causes problems. They dont get along her and her son. He is strong willed and thinks for himself. He doesnt follow her lead. I dont think that once hes an adult he will even speak to her. Her motivation is purely selfish and not wanting him to do something that is for him without her that she doesnt control.

And she notified my husband yesterday that he can do the team but she wants nothing to do with it. She doesnt want to go to his games she doesnt want to hear about it and most importantly she isnt paying anything for it. So I guess her intentions are clear. She wants nothing to do with her 14 year olds baseball dreams as long as it saves her money
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-13-2018, 03:26 PM
 
516 posts, read 124,807 times
Reputation: 1109
Quote:
Originally Posted by LO28SWM View Post
First and foremost what works for your family may not work for mine and vice versa.

Second, while I know this may be hard to believe I KNOW that wanting to spend time with him is not her motivation. Neither is not planning her life around him. He is her black sheep. When he misbehaves she abandons him, sometimes on the side of the road and my husband has to pick him up or call him an uber. She leaves him home by himself when she takes her other children on day trips. And almost every single weekend he is at our house. "Our weekends" he is there the whole weekend and on her weekends there is always a fight or disagreement which results in him coming to our house. She texts my husband and says come take him. Then the next day says my husband causes problems. They dont get along her and her son. He is strong willed and thinks for himself. He doesnt follow her lead. I dont think that once hes an adult he will even speak to her. Her motivation is purely selfish and not wanting him to do something that is for him without her that she doesnt control.

And she notified my husband yesterday that he can do the team but she wants nothing to do with it. She doesnt want to go to his games she doesnt want to hear about it and most importantly she isnt paying anything for it. So I guess her intentions are clear. She wants nothing to do with her 14 year olds baseball dreams as long as it saves her money
Yeah, this boy needs to be living at your house full-time, ASAP.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-13-2018, 08:36 PM
 
3,495 posts, read 3,347,958 times
Reputation: 8964
And I am quite sure he will be, soon. It will be better for him, and for his mother's household.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-13-2018, 09:28 PM
 
Location: Mesa AZ
159 posts, read 43,994 times
Reputation: 491
A little off topic advice here from a former catcher. I was quite good at a young age, possibly too good for my own good. Played with the older players most of the time and did very well, probably would have been drafted if I had someone to keep me focused and out of trouble. I was blessed with a very athletic body and had "all the tools" my coach told me, he was a former minor league player. Only God knows if I would have made it to the big leagues.
It is very grueling to keep advancing and hopefully he is slightly thicker and stronger than other people his age. Teach him about nutrition and proper rest to help prevent injury and illness and probably the most important thing is how bad does he want it, how much of his social life is he willing to sacrifice. There are many players that want it so bad that their entire life evolves around advancing to the next level. A large percentage of minor league players never see the big leagues but you will never know unless you try.
I was a mail carrier many years ago in my early 20's and had a certified letter from the Red Sox to a young man, it was his minor league contract. It was a very strange feeling thinking it could have been me if I had made a better effort.
I wish your stepson all the best and hope to see you post someday about the team that just drafted him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-14-2018, 04:29 AM
 
Location: Plainfield NJ
115 posts, read 29,501 times
Reputation: 285
Quote:
Originally Posted by Farmer Larry View Post
A little off topic advice here from a former catcher. I was quite good at a young age, possibly too good for my own good. Played with the older players most of the time and did very well, probably would have been drafted if I had someone to keep me focused and out of trouble. I was blessed with a very athletic body and had "all the tools" my coach told me, he was a former minor league player. Only God knows if I would have made it to the big leagues.
It is very grueling to keep advancing and hopefully he is slightly thicker and stronger than other people his age. Teach him about nutrition and proper rest to help prevent injury and illness and probably the most important thing is how bad does he want it, how much of his social life is he willing to sacrifice. There are many players that want it so bad that their entire life evolves around advancing to the next level. A large percentage of minor league players never see the big leagues but you will never know unless you try.
I was a mail carrier many years ago in my early 20's and had a certified letter from the Red Sox to a young man, it was his minor league contract. It was a very strange feeling thinking it could have been me if I had made a better effort.
I wish your stepson all the best and hope to see you post someday about the team that just drafted him.
We know the chances are slim by why not try, right? When you're a kid foy have every possibility open to you and not trying is dumb to me. Hes good. And he really loves it. Everyone wants to be the pitcher but he just wants to catch. In 5 games he only let 2 balls through. He can throw incredibly accurate to any spot on the field. Hes 14 years old and 5"11 and 180 lbs of muscle. He also hits a .750 which I know its little league but that's pretty dang good. And sports is the only way we are going to keep him out of trouble.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-14-2018, 08:09 AM
 
3,495 posts, read 3,347,958 times
Reputation: 8964
LO, you are wise to realize that keeping him in the sport he loves is the key to keeping this oppositional young man out of trouble. He probably won't play major league, but he will probably make varsity, and maybe get a scholarship to college. Is he still growing?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-14-2018, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Mesa AZ
159 posts, read 43,994 times
Reputation: 491
Quote:
Originally Posted by LO28SWM View Post
We know the chances are slim by why not try, right? When you're a kid foy have every possibility open to you and not trying is dumb to me. Hes good. And he really loves it. Everyone wants to be the pitcher but he just wants to catch. In 5 games he only let 2 balls through. He can throw incredibly accurate to any spot on the field. Hes 14 years old and 5"11 and 180 lbs of muscle. He also hits a .750 which I know its little league but that's pretty dang good. And sports is the only way we are going to keep him out of trouble.
Thanks for your response you put a big smile on my face. I was also about 5" 11 and 180 at the same age and that is an ideal size to play catcher. I was told many times that playing a tough position like catcher makes it much easier to advance. Many players that start pitching early in baseball stress their arms to the point that few can make it very far. Many big league pitchers did not start pitching until later in their baseball life.
I am now dealing with hip issues in my late 50's and wish I had known about using boron much sooner, it is a critical supplement to treat and prevent arthritic problems. It has been miraculous for all my aches and pains. Read up on how much it helps with almost every part of your well being. Boron is what is in all the hot springs where people go to get healed of many health issues, you will be amazed at what it does for your body.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top