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Old Yesterday, 12:01 PM
 
1 posts
Reputation: 10

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I am a mother of 2 kids - a 23 month old and a 9 month old.
Their grandparents were with them when they were born. Part of the reason why they are spoilt now and have clingy sleeping habits.

My older one (toddler) is clingy and sleeps only when someone is sleeping with him preferably dad. Even after he has slept, one cannot leave him as somehow he figures out and starts to cry.

Currently, the infant is sleeping with me in a separate room on one bed. Dad and toddler in a separate room.
Reason: The infant DOES NOT sleep through the night. Has a habit of sleeping with the milk bottle in the mouth therefore dad and toddler sleep in a different room.

Because of the above our life has become hostage to our kids sleep and this is affecting our relationship with each other. In fact me and my husband have not slept together for the last 2 years.

I am really suffering and need my life back. Any suggestions will be highly recommended.
I need to:

1. Transition the infant from co-sleeping to his crib in the same room as mine.
2. Make the toddler sleep independently (alone) in a separate room.

Please help.
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Old Yesterday, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Austin
7,098 posts, read 16,988,804 times
Reputation: 9550
The toddler is almost 2 years old. I would make him cry it out. He's too old to need someone sleeping with him. Maybe get him a brand new stuffed animal and can be told is his "big boy friend" to keep him company at night. You can't give in. It needs to stop cold turkey. Read a book, tuck him in, leave the room.

Infant doesn't need to be in the same room as you either because he is almost a year. It's different than if 5-6 weeks old... Do not give the milk bottle in the crib, that's easy. Feed outside the crib, and put baby in there without anything, except maybe a pacifier. I always put about 4-5 pacifiers in the crib because one always needed to be in arm's length at that age. They pick it up and insert themselves.

If you want a life, put the crib in another room.

Also, never let them get in your bed! That's a huge rule that I stuck to and never had issues like my friends with the kids wanting to sleep with me. They are 11 (today) and 8 (next week). If they have a nightmare, you get up and walk them back to their bed. Never invite them into yours.
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Old Yesterday, 12:29 PM
 
15,350 posts, read 16,941,239 times
Reputation: 15069
Quote:
Originally Posted by seekrohit View Post
I am a mother of 2 kids - a 23 month old and a 9 month old.
Their grandparents were with them when they were born. Part of the reason why they are spoilt now and have clingy sleeping habits.

My older one (toddler) is clingy and sleeps only when someone is sleeping with him preferably dad. Even after he has slept, one cannot leave him as somehow he figures out and starts to cry.

Currently, the infant is sleeping with me in a separate room on one bed. Dad and toddler in a separate room.
Reason: The infant DOES NOT sleep through the night. Has a habit of sleeping with the milk bottle in the mouth therefore dad and toddler sleep in a different room.

Because of the above our life has become hostage to our kids sleep and this is affecting our relationship with each other. In fact me and my husband have not slept together for the last 2 years.

I am really suffering and need my life back. Any suggestions will be highly recommended.
I need to:

1. Transition the infant from co-sleeping to his crib in the same room as mine.
2. Make the toddler sleep independently (alone) in a separate room.

Please help.
Do it gently.

https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-...sition-how-to/

Quote:
Give notice. Talk to your child about why you'd like them to sleep in their bed. ...
Get prepped in the day. Offer Special Time and physical play during the day. ...
Go slow. ...
Stay and listen. ...
Offer calm support and comfort. ...
Wait it out. ...
Keep making space.
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Old Yesterday, 07:32 PM
 
Location: Plainfield NJ
93 posts, read 16,943 times
Reputation: 141
I agree with be gentle. A 2 year old shouldnt need a parent to sleep with him but since he does you have to wean him off it. Cold Turkey is going to disrupt his life and make his edgy and agitated and very tired. He is already in his pattern. I agree to make a big deal out of it. You'll be tired for a few days but lay him down and cuddle him. Leave the room. When he cries go back in and do it again. Keep repeating. Eventually he will stop. And the baby you do need to stop co sleeping. And stop giving milk in the bed. Repeat the same as above with a crib. Children are naturally attached to their parents your job is to teach them that they are safe even if you aren't right there.
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Old Today, 02:26 AM
 
3,408 posts, read 3,305,959 times
Reputation: 8719
You have a lot of reasons to want the children sleeping independently, and most certainly without a bottle at night! Mostly, you and your husband deserve your life back! And the bottle will rot your baby's teeth, fast, when they come in.

You can get them sleeping independently. But it's not going to be easy. Before you do anything, you and your husband have to have a discussion about this and get on the same page about how you're going to do it. I'm assuming the grandparents aren't living with you any more.

I recommend an excellent book by a psychologist with a sleep specialty, called "Sleeping Through the Night". Author is Jodi Mindell. It's available on Amazon.

Basically, we all wake up at night every 90-120 minutes. We put ourselves back to sleep. But let's say that we always fall asleep with a pillow. After we've fallen asleep, say someone comes in and gently sneaks that pillow away. When we wake up, we're gonna go looking for the pillow! So if the baby or child is used to falling asleep with a human teddy bear, and/or with a bottle in his mouth, when he wakes up and they are gone, he's going to cry until someone reproduces the conditions under which he fell asleep, which in your case means human teddy bear, and for the 9 month old, a bottle.

The quickest way to get that 9 month old sleeping independently is to first wean him OFF milk at night. Do this by diluting the milk with water. First 3/4 strength for say 3 days, then 1/2 strength 3 days, then 1/4 strength 3 days, then all water. Try to get as many calories of formula and solids down him during the day, so that he won't be hungry at night. Once he's on all water in the bottle for a few nights, at least you know he's not hungry. Also, simultaneously, promote a relationship with a love object, like a teddy bear, or maybe one of those combination blanket/stuffed animal things - they are soft, silky, have a stuffed animal head. But you want something that he cannot stand on to climb out of the crib.

Next, have his crib set up in his own bedroom with the crib bed set down as low as possible, no bumpers, no pillows, just the aforementioned love object that isn't big enough for him to make the great escape. If you are home with him, and have the time, start trying to put him down for his nap when he is tired, fed, clean diaper, with the love object, and leave before he falls asleep. If he cries, call out ONCE, from outside the room, out of sight, "Baby, it's nap time. Go to sleep. I'll be back after your nap." And then DO NOT GO BACK IN! He will cry until he falls asleep. Go get him immediately when he wakes up. If you go back in, he will understand that he just has to cry until you give up and come back in. Using the Ferber method, (go back in at increasing intervals), you can theoretically train him to cry for hours on end. You need to win the first time! He's clean, fed, has a love object, he's tired, he's definitely ready for his nap, and you are not going to hold him through it. You need a break, and he needs that nap. This is the best thing for both of you.

Once he is falling asleep independently for his nap, it's time to do the exact same thing at bedtime. Assuming he's already been falling asleep on his own for his nap, he'll probably give in more quickly when he sees you are doing the same thing at bedtime. Again, DO NOT GOT BACK IN when he's crying for you at bedtime, for the above-mentioned reason. Your problem is going to be that when he wakes up in the middle of the night, he's going to expect service from you. ONE TIME, call out from your bedroom, "Baby, it's the middle of the night. Go back to sleep. We'll see you in the morning." DO NOT GO BACK IN TO CHECK ON HIM! If he sees you come back in when he cries in the middle of the night, you are back to square one. If he cries and it's dawn or later, go get him. He has a right to wake up at daybreak. Get the entire household on an early schedule, to fit the circadian rhythm of infants and toddlers. Look forward to the day they become teens and sleep until noon. Of course, by then, YOU may be waking up at the crack of dawn, or earlier!

With the 9 month old, this will go pretty quickly, since he is so young. BTW, if the crib is in your bedroom, you are scrxxxxw'd There is no way that you can sleep train a kid not to cry for you, when you are right there in front of him. If you don't have at least 2 bedrooms, you cannot accomplish this. And you really need three.

Your bigger problem is the toddler. He is older and smarter, and knows that Daddy is his human teddy bear. He is NOT going to want to give up that teddy bear. It's going to be harder to transfer that sense of security and warmth to a stuffed animal, when he has had a real live one for such a long time.

If he is taking naps, first try to get him falling asleep for naps independently, under conditions that HE can reproduce independently in the middle of the night on his own. THat means no videos, music recordings, etc, unless you have them on endless loop all night long. Most kids will not need this. So explain to him that he needs a nap, that he can lie there quietly with his stuffed animal and blanket, looking at picture books, until he falls asleep on his own. Explain to him that you have made a present grab bag, and that after his nap, and he really MUST fall asleep during that nap, and that you will know if he has, then when he wakes up, he gets to pick a present out of the present grab bag. Get a whole bunch of infant/toddler safe, non-chokable little toys from a family with elementary school aged boys who are ready to get rid of the toddler toys. Wrap them up individually, and place them in a big present grab bag. If he has napped, you let him take a wrapped present out when he wakes up. If he hasn't napped, no screen time for the rest of the day. If he is a hyperactive child who sleeps very little and doesn't need a nap, have enforced quiet rest time, which means staying in the bed with lots of toys and books, and leaving you alone for 1-2 hours, as you see fit. He can play or sleep, it's up to him, and he gets the gift if he stays on the bed and leaves you alone for the 1-2 hrs that you've decided on.

Once he is napping independently, then you're ready for bedtime. Explain to him that mom and dad need their sleep. He is going to sleep just as he does at naptime, and he is staying in the bed all night, except perhaps for one bathroom visit. If he cries for you in the middle of the night, do the same call out from your room, "Toddler, it's nighttime. Everyone is sleeping. Go back to sleep. See you in the morning, and if you are quiet and go back to sleep, in the morning you get to pick a present from the bag! Good night.

Hopefully, this will work. If he gets up anyway (other than for a necessary bathroom stop), guide him silently and with no affection straight back to bed, over and over if necessary. In the morning, if he asks for the present bag, tell him calmly, "That's for when you stay in bed and don't wake us up, but don't worry, you get another chance after naptime! You get another chance tonight!

I wish you luck. If you have a 3 bedroom, this should be easy. If you have a 2 bedroom, it's gonna be harder, since you cannot train both simultaneously. If you only have a 2 bedroom, train 2 yr old first in the bedroom, Dad and you and 9 month old in the master, with 9 month old in crib right next to your side of the bed, maybe holding his hand, until 2 yr old is trained. Then move crib into kids' bedroom, and train infant, with 2 yr old perhaps sleeping on a pallet on the floor in your room until 9 month old is trained, then put 2 yr old back in his bed in the kids' room.

I guarantee you that if you are utterly consistent, and kindly, gently, but immovably firm as a rock, this will work quickly. The only other way is to let them cosleep with you until they move out of your bedroom on their own. That's fine for some. But it's not what you want. Good luck!

BTW, if the kids are in daycare, they're probably taking long enforced naps to give the staff a break. Then at home they are not tired, often are up until midnight. If this is the case, look for a different daycare setting that lets kids who have this issue go without a nap.

Last edited by parentologist; Today at 02:41 AM..
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