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View Poll Results: Do I say something about how I feel?
Talk to her in private 17 33.33%
Talk to him in private 2 3.92%
Talk to both of them 0 0%
Say nothing 32 62.75%
Voters: 51. You may not vote on this poll

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Old Today, 07:12 AM
 
3 posts, read 770 times
Reputation: 20

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After reading all the comments, I have a lot to think about. I have been keeping quiet because I truly believe that if my daughter loves him I should trust her judgment. I don't particularly like him but I can live with that, as long as she's happy. What I can't live with is my daughter feeling like she can't show affection for anyone but him. I have found out a few things and would like to clarify a few things. They are both in their early twenties and this is the first "serious" relationship for both of them (moving in together). My daughter has told me just yesterday that her boyfriend is on medication for depression and he has told her that he's worried about her leaving him. She has always hated seeing couples all over each other in public but she's afraid to say anything to him about his public displays of affection. His family (mother, step-dad) does not show any affection at all so maybe he finds it weird how close our family is. I have not directly addressed my concerns with her but I am seriously leaning in that direction. I will not be saying that I don't like him but that I am concerned that he doesn't want her showing her family affection. Also, someone mentioned the movie "How to lose a guy in ten days" - one of her all time favorite movies We may have to watch it together again. I also love the idea of a girls' night! My birthday is coming up so I have requested a girls weekend as a gift. Thank you all for the input!
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Old Today, 01:27 PM
 
522 posts, read 185,132 times
Reputation: 1662
You're daughter is still young. I would talk to her privately. I would say something like this "You seemed uncomfortable when XYZ told you to hug him instead of your sister. Are you comfortable with the relationship?" Make it about your daughter's feelings and not yours.

When my daughter was in college, she dated a man who was manipulative and very controlling of her. He acted jealous of her close relationships (parents, friends, etc) and got mad at her when she went out with her friends. My daughter has always been very independent.

After a while, I laid it out on the line for her. I told her I did not like how she was behaving. It was counter to how she normally acted. I was concerned and she needed to examine this relationship and whether it had long term potential. I explained the importance of thoroughly evaluating how his behaviors would negatively impact her life if she chose him as a long term partner.

We had a few rough months. We remained close, but it was really hard to watch her date this guy. When we talked, I always focused on her and not him. I told her it was not my job to chose her partner, but if I saw someone treating her in a way that is potentially abusive, I am going to tell her. And I did. I tried to not harp on it either. She lived at college, so we mostly talked on the phone. She told me I needed to trust her. She told me the reasons she stayed in the relationship longer than she should have - grief over the death of a best friend and he was always making her feel guilty about leaving him.

She later thanked me. She said our conversations helped her to see the truth about him. He did so many nice things for her that it took her a little while to sort it all out. She did. I have no regrets about talking to her about it.
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