U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old Yesterday, 10:57 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,821 posts, read 38,352,704 times
Reputation: 75130

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post

How tragic that they put off their own desires for 20 or 30 years and often are too old to fully enjoy what thet wanted to do. What child is worth that? Pfffft not in my book. You have ONE LIFE.
Honestly, this is just ignorance. You aren't in the situation, so of course you don't understand it.

Many people would wonder why a woman would stay with a man who barely speaks to her, but everyone knows that people have their own reasons for doing what they do.

I know lots of childless people who think kids always look like a total nightmare, but obviously they aren't or else none of us would be here.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old Yesterday, 10:59 AM
 
Location: Florida
4,319 posts, read 3,146,604 times
Reputation: 8867
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Seriously, who is tied to their kids for 30 years, unless they have special needs? Even if an adult child moves back in, you can certainly do your own thing on weekends and travel without them at that point. Mine are 13 and 15 and even now, I more or less come and go as I please. I do go to their games, and drive them to and from practice and other activities, but I'm able to have plenty of "adult fun" at this point, and for the last few years. I would say sacrificing my own time lasted about 12 years, for the most part. Traveling in the off-season is the next thing I'm looking forward to. That's about 14-15 years total, covering the time they are in K-12 school.
This has been my experience as well (kids are 15 and almost 18, gulp!). I've traveled for my own hobbies, I go out when I want, my husband and I go out in the evenings when we want to. We might choose to do something that the kids aren't interested in on a weekend day and we'll offer to let them come along or to stay home. Usually they'd rather stay home, which is perfectly fine.

It's crazy to me how fast 18 years has passed by though. I don't feel like I've given up much of anything... it's been like the blink of an eye to raise children from infancy to legal adulthood. I see pictures of them when they were small and I can hardly believe it's been 10 or 12 or 15 years since it was taken. Doesn't feel like a sacrifice at all, to be honest. I've gained so much more than I've "given up" in terms of "adult fun."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 11:00 AM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,662 posts, read 29,439,643 times
Reputation: 21695
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
What kind of "adult fun" do you think people are missing out on? Examples? Just curious.

Perhaps if you had a child of your own, you'd understand. If not then thank goodness you don't have any.
Adult fun would be going to the beach, laying around, taking a nap, strolling hand in hand, spending a lovely evening having a quiet dinner, followed by some adult beverages. Possibly taking in a great performance of a locally produced play or musical.

All the things that are impossible with a 5 year old in tow. My pity runs deep. Lol

No, I don't have kids because the investment of my life is not worth the payoff. A sentiment shared by more and more people, I'm discovering....especially men. And more women like myself as well.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 11:04 AM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,662 posts, read 29,439,643 times
Reputation: 21695
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Honestly, this is just ignorance. You aren't in the situation, so of course you don't understand it.

Many people would wonder why a woman would stay with a man who barely speaks to her, but everyone knows that people have their own reasons for doing what they do.

I know lots of childless people who think kids always look like a total nightmare, but obviously they aren't or else none of us would be here.
By the time you realize they are a nightmare its too late to do anything about it except grit your teeth.....if you are a decent person, that is. People with lesser integrity have been known to abuse, abandon and even murder their kids to get out from under the spectre of parenthood. Drastic measures to be sure.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 11:06 AM
 
Location: Florida
4,319 posts, read 3,146,604 times
Reputation: 8867
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
Adult fun would be going to the beach, laying around, taking a nap, strolling hand in hand, spending a lovely evening having a quiet dinner, followed by some adult beverages. Possibly taking in a great performance of a locally produced play or musical.

All the things that are impossible with a 5 year old in tow. My pity runs deep. Lol

No, I don't have kids because the investment of my life is not worth the payoff. A sentiment shared by more and more people, I'm discovering....especially men. And more women like myself as well.
Yeah, that sort of thing is only difficult for the first handful of years. And there is this thing called babysitters that some people use. And grandmas and aunties and uncles. When we lived close to family, we could occasionally leave the kids with them to go do those things. When we moved, we hired a sitter a few times or switched off with friends. And now we regularly do that sort of stuff because my teens can stay home. Sometimes we can do those things WITH the kids. For example, I have taken my daughter to the theater many times, since she enjoys it, and we did take them to some nice restaurants when they were young. It's not anything that one would put off for 20 years.

I'm glad you were responsible to know that you didn't want children. More people who don't want to devote their time to kids should choose not to have them. So kudos for that. Just understand that for many/most parents, the investment IS worth it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 11:22 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,551 posts, read 16,154,171 times
Reputation: 39121
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
I think the pendulum tends to swing back and forth, as noted. I'm a Gen Xer and my Baby Boomer parents did what they wanted and we were left home or dragged along. Even now, as a middle aged adult, I know that we (my siblings and I) were afterthoughts. None of us raise our children that way.

My husband and I have teens now, and they've grown up being consulted about things like vacations and what we did on the weekends. Moving, no; the grownups made the decisions about that. But we have put off considering another move because they are teens and we don't want to disrupt them at this point in their lives. But when they were young, yes, our weekends and evenings were generally all about karate/dance classes, taking the kids apple picking/sledding/to a children's museum/to the park and so on. And sometimes we had activities that we would bring the kids to as well, but that wasn't the norm. Those years go by very quickly and then they're over. My teens are now busy with their own things much of the time; I am very happy that we spent those early years focused more on them than on ourselves.
Excellent points.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
I never cared at the time and I don't care now. In fact I had an amazing childhood living in a gazillion different places and experiencing things that kids today will never experience.

Actually, I think it is incredibly sad that parents are controlled by their kids. It seems to me that they are missing out on a lot of adult fun because of it. They might claim to prefer their circumstances, but I think they have resigned themselves to their fate. Why else would they do "everything they always wanted to do" once the kids are grown and out of the house?

How tragic that they put off their own desires for 20 or 30 years and often are too old to fully enjoy what thet wanted to do. What child is worth that? Pfffft not in my book. You have ONE LIFE.
Putting off your own desires for 20 or 30 years???????

Unless you have a lot of children and they are spaced out far apart, it would rarely be 20 or 30 years of "active child rearing".

A couple of my friends (who married young and had their children when they were younger) were empty nesters by the time that they were 40 years old. Still plenty young enough to fully enjoy life. And, would likely have 30 or even more years to do that.

OTOH, I know a couple who just had their last child at age 40, but they traveled and "fully enjoyed life" when they were in their 20s and early/mid 30s, so it is sort of a trade off.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 11:53 AM
 
7,794 posts, read 10,487,294 times
Reputation: 3397
Just a friendly reminder to "play nice" when posting. Interesting topic, but should be addressed appropriately whether the OP has children or not....(With respect.)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 12:15 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
85,200 posts, read 99,439,539 times
Reputation: 31653
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
I think the pendulum tends to swing back and forth, as noted. I'm a Gen Xer and my Baby Boomer parents did what they wanted and we were left home or dragged along. Even now, as a middle aged adult, I know that we (my siblings and I) were afterthoughts. None of us raise our children that way.

My husband and I have teens now, and they've grown up being consulted about things like vacations and what we did on the weekends. Moving, no; the grownups made the decisions about that. But we have put off considering another move because they are teens and we don't want to disrupt them at this point in their lives. But when they were young, yes, our weekends and evenings were generally all about karate/dance classes, taking the kids apple picking/sledding/to a children's museum/to the park and so on. And sometimes we had activities that we would bring the kids to as well, but that wasn't the norm. Those years go by very quickly and then they're over. My teens are now busy with their own things much of the time; I am very happy that we spent those early years focused more on them than on ourselves.
I think it depends on the individual parents as much if not more than their "generation". My parents were "Greatest Gen" and we kids were Boomers. While we did some trips that were my parents' idea (trips to the grands in Wisconsin, for ex) we also did some things that my bro and I wanted to do such as sporting events, trips to historical places, etc. My dad took us to the children's theater and once said he enjoyed the plays as much as us kids. My dad was into the sporting events (Pirates baseball, Steelers football) as well, but he became a Civil War buff because my bro and I wanted to go to Gettysburg. One of them went to all of our activities including sports and choir concerts. He had a brother who died young and left two young sons, my cousins. He sometimes took them along to the sports events. It was fun for me to be with 4 guys (Dad, bro, the two cousins).

DH and I as Boomers raised our kids about the same. Sometimes they picked the destination, sometimes we did. Sometimes they picked the activity, sometimes we did. When they were young, the activities were more kid oriented, as you state above. As they got older, more theater and such that everyone enjoyed. At least one of us, usually both, went to all their activities such as sports, concerts and such.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Seriously, who is tied to their kids for 30 years, unless they have special needs? Even if an adult child moves back in, you can certainly do your own thing on weekends and travel without them at that point. Mine are 13 and 15 and even now, I more or less come and go as I please. I do go to their games, and drive them to and from practice and other activities, but I'm able to have plenty of "adult fun" at this point, and for the last few years. I would say sacrificing my own time lasted about 12 years, for the most part. Traveling in the off-season is the next thing I'm looking forward to. That's about 14-15 years total, covering the time they are in K-12 school.
Off-season travel is great. It's even better in retirement cuz you can stay home in the summer and have a "staycation" then go somewhere in the fall.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 01:16 PM
 
2,586 posts, read 1,122,781 times
Reputation: 10063
This is why you donít have children

Having children is a commitment and sure you canít just do your own thing whenever it suits you but going clubbing gets old, been there and done that. We grow up, our interests change, our needs change. I canít say having children ever killed off our dreams or chances or opportunities, just learned to do them differently, creatively and yet not compromise the joy of family.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 02:12 PM
 
Location: here
24,543 posts, read 28,956,546 times
Reputation: 31286
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
This has been my experience as well (kids are 15 and almost 18, gulp!). I've traveled for my own hobbies, I go out when I want, my husband and I go out in the evenings when we want to. We might choose to do something that the kids aren't interested in on a weekend day and we'll offer to let them come along or to stay home. Usually they'd rather stay home, which is perfectly fine.

It's crazy to me how fast 18 years has passed by though. I don't feel like I've given up much of anything... it's been like the blink of an eye to raise children from infancy to legal adulthood. I see pictures of them when they were small and I can hardly believe it's been 10 or 12 or 15 years since it was taken. Doesn't feel like a sacrifice at all, to be honest. I've gained so much more than I've "given up" in terms of "adult fun."
Exactly!

Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
Adult fun would be going to the beach, laying around, taking a nap, strolling hand in hand, spending a lovely evening having a quiet dinner, followed by some adult beverages. Possibly taking in a great performance of a locally produced play or musical.

All the things that are impossible with a 5 year old in tow. My pity runs deep. Lol

No, I don't have kids because the investment of my life is not worth the payoff. A sentiment shared by more and more people, I'm discovering....especially men. And more women like myself as well.
Beach - when kids are young you do have to keep an eye on them. That doesn't last forever. I was at the beach with my husband and teens not long ago.

Laying around - I spend plenty of time sitting on the couch with the TV or my lap top. Again, toddlers will keep you running, but for the last several years it hasn't been hard to find time to sit down and do my own thing. One kid is usually on a tablet, the other on the xbox.

Taking a nap - same. I work, but I can usually fit in a nap on the weekend if I want.

Strolling hand in hand - Why on earth would having a kid with you hinder that?

Quiet dinner and drinks or a show- it was rare when they were little, but we occasionally got a sitter and went out, and when we did, we really appreciated the time because it was rare. Now, we can do that whenever we want, and have been able, to for the last few years. As I said above, it was maybe 12 years where it was difficult, not impossible, to go out.

I truly don't understand what your issue is.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top