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Old Yesterday, 03:13 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,172 posts, read 22,265,216 times
Reputation: 35702

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Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
Ok, I will say right off the bat that I am childfree. ... but my big question is Why are people willing to subjugate every aspect of their life for their children when it is not necessary?

It is worth noting the OP isn't really interested in the answer, it's more of a rhetorical question posed to dismiss children in general as well as "parents today".

Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post

How tragic that they put off their own desires for 20 or 30 years and often are too old to fully enjoy what thet wanted to do. What child is worth that? Pfffft not in my book. You have ONE LIFE.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post

No, I don't have kids because the investment of my life is not worth the payoff. A sentiment shared by more and more people, I'm discovering....especially men. And more women like myself as well.

She has frequently posted her disdain for both children and parents over the years. The best response is this one :

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
This is why you don’t have children
Nothing wrong with choosing not to have kids - particularly if you don't like them and are uninterested in spending time with them - so thank you to the OP for choosing to not have children. Good choice.
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Old Yesterday, 03:19 PM
 
3,484 posts, read 3,338,798 times
Reputation: 8940
I had children because I wanted them. I spent virtually all of my time when I wasn't at work, playing with them, teaching them, because it gave me great joy. Yes, my spouse and I went out to dinner by ourselves and went away for a weekend occasionally by ourselves, and even rarely went away on vacation by ourselves, but mostly, we did things with the children because we both wanted to. Sometimes one of us would stay home with a child or two, while the other one traveled with one or two children. That was fun, too. I cannot count how many times I went to Orlando with one or two kids, while spouse stayed home with the youngest. And spouse traveled to Europe and within the US to to visit friends, taking one kid with him.

My parents were not like this. They did what they wanted to, usually without the children. When they weren't at work, they were on the golf course. They virtually never did things with us - weren't interested in it. It was just a very different era.
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Old Yesterday, 03:24 PM
 
13,079 posts, read 12,615,020 times
Reputation: 37647
I do not have kids. My mother always told me that I came first in everything and she loved me more than life. It was just something she told herself to make her feel noble. The times when my interests were put before hers, she made sure I and everyone else knew it.

I watch my friends and relatives my age parent their kids and it warms my heart. Their kids come first. They are almost all well-adjusted, secure and highly intelligent children. It makes me so hopeful for the future.

My thought is this: If you're not willing to make the huge leap of changing who you are fundamentally as a person to accommodate your child's needs (not preferences - NEEDS), you probably shouldn't be a parent.

And yeah, marriages must be given a certain amount of priority, but that is part of putting your children first, modeling the type of functional relationship they should seek out when they are grown, giving them a secure environment in which to thrive.
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Old Yesterday, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
85,205 posts, read 99,439,539 times
Reputation: 31653
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
I had children because I wanted them. I spent virtually all of my time when I wasn't at work, playing with them, teaching them, because it gave me great joy. Yes, my spouse and I went out to dinner by ourselves and went away for a weekend occasionally by ourselves, and even rarely went away on vacation by ourselves, but mostly, we did things with the children because we both wanted to. Sometimes one of us would stay home with a child or two, while the other one traveled with one or two children. That was fun, too. I cannot count how many times I went to Orlando with one or two kids, while spouse stayed home with the youngest. And spouse traveled to Europe and within the US to to visit friends, taking one kid with him.

My parents were not like this. They did what they wanted to, usually without the children. When they weren't at work, they were on the golf course. They virtually never did things with us - weren't interested in it. It was just a very different era.
I said this before and I'll keep saying it as long as people keep posting to the contrary. It wasn't the "era", it was the lifestyle. My parents were "Greatest Gen" and DH and I were "Boomers" and they and we raised our kids similarly to you. And some people do/did otherwise. A friend once said her sister used more sitters in a year than she used in all her years of parenting.
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Old Yesterday, 06:28 PM
 
Location: Southern New Hampshire
6,777 posts, read 11,884,850 times
Reputation: 19728
Quote:
Originally Posted by wac_432 View Post
Because we are practicing purposeful parenting.

Not the selfish "accidental parenting" of yesteryear.

You're welcome, by the way, for our tireless efforts perpetuating the social order you enjoy solely for your own pleasure, or you dog, or parakeet or whatever. Our children are not "insufferable spoiled brats", but well-adjusted, directed, self-actualized children who will drive the economy, make the world a better place, and raise their own children even better than we did them.
Really? OK. (Yes, that's the icon for "dubious.")

Yeah, the OP perhaps went too far, as it's clear that she did not want and luckily did not have kids. But I definitely know what it was like having decisions made FOR me because, you know, I was the KID -- not the grown-up. And I DON'T look back on those years with disdain or anger at my parents -- those decisions WERE theirs to make, NOT mine. So I completely get where the OP is coming from. (And I grew up in the enlisted ranks of the military, where decisions like moving every couple of years were made FAR above my "pay grade" as a kid -- and as difficult as some of those years were, they were INCREDIBLY helpful to me in terms of becoming an independent, autonomous, self-supporting adult -- for which I will always be grateful.)

And now I'm a college professor and I see a LOT of wonderful, bright, kind 18-year-old humans -- for which I am very grateful to their parents. But I've also seen a LOT of hateful, entitled 18-year-olds who ARE "insufferable spoiled brats" and will certainly NOT make the world a better place. So please, enough self-righteousness on BOTH sides, OK?
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Old Yesterday, 06:34 PM
 
Location: Watervliet, NY
3,727 posts, read 1,251,351 times
Reputation: 6759
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
I think a lot of parents now are the children of the baby boomers. We grew up with parents who put themselves first, last and always. Our kids get more attention and have more say in family decisions as backlash to the state of benign neglect we grew up with.
My parents are in their 80's so they are not Boomers. They also stressed the fact that we kids weren't any more important than any other person, and that we weren't the Center of the Universe. They put our welfare first 100%, but didn't cater to every single whim and want we might have.
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Old Yesterday, 07:14 PM
 
Location: In a vehicle.
4,610 posts, read 2,844,750 times
Reputation: 7401
Some people aren't mentally fit to have them. My Mother always was the one who decided (Till that time I refused anything but boots for shoes) everything...Unless it was for my little sister.... but that's another matter
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Old Yesterday, 07:25 PM
 
Location: Erie, PA
2,342 posts, read 969,001 times
Reputation: 5170
Quote:
Originally Posted by ContraPagan View Post
My parents are in their 80's so they are not Boomers. They also stressed the fact that we kids weren't any more important than any other person, and that we weren't the Center of the Universe. They put our welfare first 100%, but didn't cater to every single whim and want we might have.
I'll probably get skinned alive for saying this, but I don't see this as a negative thing.

My parents also put our welfare first with all of their decisions but also did not let us run the household, lol. The good news is that none of us grew up to be entitled SOBs and none of us feels that we are the center of the universe

It's fine to go where the kids want to once in a while but letting them get everything they want all of the time is why we have so much of the entitlement mentality. It's healthy to say 'no' once in a while.
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Old Yesterday, 07:41 PM
 
1,023 posts, read 686,602 times
Reputation: 3632
Well as a baby boomers parent I can say not all of us were selfish or thought only of ourselves, I don't think it's fair to box a whole generation as selfish, etc....

Back to the topic, nothing wrong with including a child in family decisions like vacations or fun weekend activities.
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Old Yesterday, 09:55 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,230 posts, read 3,722,406 times
Reputation: 13775
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
I think a lot of parents now are the children of the baby boomers. We grew up with parents who put themselves first, last and always. Our kids get more attention and have more say in family decisions as backlash to the state of benign neglect we grew up with.
I'd like to know where you got your information about parents putting themselves first, last, always and being benignly neglectful? If it was YOUR baby boomer parents who treated you like this, then that is only YOUR family. Don't generalize.

Our children, (yes, children of two baby boomers) now adults, were never put on a back burner and were never neglected. That was MY family.

See? every family is/was different. Generalizing without solid statistics is providing useless information.
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