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Old Yesterday, 08:48 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,654 posts, read 29,432,745 times
Reputation: 21690

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Ok, I will say right off the bat that I am childfree. The only reference I have regarding child rearing are my own experiences as a child and the people I know who have kids.

What I'm having difficulty understanding us the amount of CONTROL small children exert over their parents' lives.

When I was a child, my parents lived their lives and I was an accessory to that life. My duties were to go to school, and learn, bit by bit, how to become an adult. No thought was EVER given to my personal preferences about anything dealing with the family. The singular exception being my birthday (after reaching about 10) when I got to decide what I wanted to do for my special day.

Other than that, what my parents wanted to do....we did. When my parents wanted to travel, we traveled. When they wanted to move...we moved. No thought was EVER given to what I wanted or even what I thought about it.

The friends I know who have children allow them to totally run their lives. Vacations are decided by what the children want to do. They are scheduled based upon the social obligations of the children. A very hard-working friend of mine spends his 1 day off EVERY week doing things that his 5 year old wants to do. Whats more aggravating is that the child does NOT appreciate anything and behaves like an insufferable spoiled brat.

I realize times have changed but my big question is Why are people willing to subjugate every aspect of their life for their children when it is not necessary?
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Old Yesterday, 09:02 PM
 
2,583 posts, read 1,120,252 times
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Some people are better off just not having children and some people love having a family , some people know how to balance that, some don’t.
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Old Yesterday, 09:05 PM
 
1,070 posts, read 358,862 times
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"Why are people willing to subjugate every aspect of their life for their children when it is not necessary?"
well,
because they want to?
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Old Yesterday, 09:08 PM
 
12,962 posts, read 19,957,154 times
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I can't fathom why it bothers you how parents chose to spend their time off. But, you are correct, when I was a child, our vacations were decided upon by my parents, with no input from their children. Several times those vacations included friends of mom and dad, and their children, who my siblings and I couldn't stand. If we had ever been asked, we would have preferred to travel with our family alone. The grownups enjoyed them, the kids endured them.

Our family vacations were always geared towards the interests and enjoyment of our own kids. We actually liked seeing them have fun together exploring new areas. Was it necessary? Maybe not, but parents do many things that aren't technically required, because we want the best childhood we can provide for our children. And my husband and I took plenty of trips on our own, sans offspring.

It's sad that a parent who works 6 days a week should be thought badly of for wanting to spend that day with his child.
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Old Yesterday, 09:13 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,654 posts, read 29,432,745 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post

It's sad that a parent who works 6 days a week should be thought badly of for wanting to spend that day with his child.
You'd figure that 5 or 6 hours every night of the little beast would be enough.
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Old Yesterday, 09:21 PM
 
9,269 posts, read 3,852,450 times
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https://qz.com/1143092/study-modern-...ent-with-them/

was an article about this a year ago

but kids exert control because parents are not free to make any choices, they limit the options to things the kids can do as well, I.E. no more BASE jumping off buildings
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Old Yesterday, 09:23 PM
 
2,583 posts, read 1,120,252 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
You'd figure that 5 or 6 hours every night of the little beast would be enough.
Because evenings are not always relaxing play time but helping the kids with homework, getting them ready for the next day, ferrying them to soccer practice or whatever.
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Old Yesterday, 09:39 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,901 posts, read 19,123,901 times
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I think a lot of parents now are the children of the baby boomers. We grew up with parents who put themselves first, last and always. Our kids get more attention and have more say in family decisions as backlash to the state of benign neglect we grew up with.
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Old Yesterday, 10:40 PM
 
Location: TX
63 posts, read 18,513 times
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Its so difficult to try and fix things once damage has been done. If you let them run you, they will. Typical toddler behavior is testing parents and once they learn they can say no or act up, they do. You're childfree so you have no clue how hard it is!
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Old Yesterday, 10:42 PM
 
5,608 posts, read 3,445,729 times
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The answer is in the OP itself and in this post:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
I think a lot of parents now are the children of the baby boomers. We grew up with parents who put themselves first, last and always. Our kids get more attention and have more say in family decisions as backlash to the state of benign neglect we grew up with.
A lot of people look back at the way they were raised and decide to do things differently with their own kids. For example, they remember how it felt to be a kid with no power, no say in anything, always having to do what someone else wants to do.

Quote:
No thought was EVER given to what I wanted or even what I thought about it.
How did that feel? If you had kids, is that how you would treat them?

Some parents go to the opposite extreme and let the child choose everything. That's not a great idea. But I do think many parents are just trying to be sensitive to what their child would like AS WELL AS what they themselves want.
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