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Old 12-04-2018, 11:59 AM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
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OP, have you asked your son why he doesn't want to take an Uber? His response might help you determine your next step.
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Old 12-04-2018, 12:35 PM
 
Location: Florida
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
An adult with Aspergers can be very much like a child still. The mother would know best.

My mom had a friend that had a son with Aspergers. He is 35 and lives in a group home. He is not capable of doing everything on his own. His parents both died when he was a child so it was not from being coddled
The OP said that her son has "mild Aspergers." That leads me to believe that he might have some quirks and social deficiencies but is likely able to handle most life tasks. Many people with Aspergers can and do live adult lives. Obviously not all of them, but many.

Also, I wouldn't say that mom would necessarily know best; lots of moms tend to believe that their kids are less capable than they are. My neurotypical 17-year-old recently flew by himself and he had to make a transfer at Atlanta airport, which is usually busy and kind of intimidating. Of course he did absolutely fine, but I was worried that he'd miss his flight or would go to the wrong gate. Now I won't need to worry about that specific thing anymore. It's sometimes a learning process for both moms and teens.
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Old 12-05-2018, 03:42 AM
 
Location: Dallas, Texas
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Can't speak for your 20 year old Asperger's child. He can legally take Uber, may or may not be in his best interest. As far as people saying it's fine for a kid under 18. Um, no. Read the rules. Anyone under 18 must be accompanied by someone 18 or older on a ride.
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Old 12-05-2018, 10:09 AM
 
Location: Florida
4,352 posts, read 3,162,304 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TXNGL View Post
Can't speak for your 20 year old Asperger's child. He can legally take Uber, may or may not be in his best interest. As far as people saying it's fine for a kid under 18. Um, no. Read the rules. Anyone under 18 must be accompanied by someone 18 or older on a ride.
I think it's a bit like Facebook being only for kids over 13. Teens use Uber and it's generally accepted even though it's officially against the rules.
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Old 12-05-2018, 11:45 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,943 posts, read 38,447,719 times
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It does happen.

The daughter of a woman I know called an Uber at 2 am one night to take her and her friend from their house to her boyfriend's house. The girls were 14.

Her mom used Uber all the time to get the girl to various activities when she was working, and thought it was great. I'm trying to figure out what adult driving for Uber sees two middle-school girls coming out of the house at 2 am and says, "Yeah, this seems like a good idea."
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Old 12-05-2018, 01:31 PM
 
4,627 posts, read 1,597,522 times
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Everyone being different, and all that...


I've taken Uber many times. The App for it is super easy to use. And I DO mean super easy. When you ask for a ride, it asks you where you're going. You input that information. It retains the destination, so if you're only using Uber to go to one place every time, (like to the doctor's office) it's just a tap.


Also, when you use the app for the first time, it'll ask for your debit or credit card one time. It'll use that card # everytime until you change it.


When you use the app, it'll find a driver, and it'll describe the car, and the name of the driver, so the passenger knows who to look for. It will also give an estimated time when the car will arrive, and a map showing where the driver is coming from, and it's progress as it makes it's way toward the passenger. (I've never had to wait more than 5 minutes.) Later, after the ride, you'll be asked to rate the driver, and you can leave a tip if you feel inclined.


I've almost always gotten friendly, chatty drivers. Which works for me, because I'm a chatty person myself. Once, I got a driver who was on the quiet side, and made me sit in the back, and had a sign on the back of his car asking for tips. That was the worst driver I've had...which...come on, isn't that big a deal.


I think if you got the app, and maybe took a ride WITH your son, you'd see that it's actually a really good option. I work about 1/2 an hour from my house. A one way trip costs me about $26 dollars. (Just so you know.) I don't know if rates are different in different parts of the country or not.
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Old 12-05-2018, 04:20 PM
 
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I kind of have to agree that if your son isn’t capable of taking an Uber by himself, he probably shouldn’t be at the doctors office alone either.
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Old Yesterday, 02:21 AM
 
Location: Dallas, Texas
8,905 posts, read 10,411,613 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
It does happen.

The daughter of a woman I know called an Uber at 2 am one night to take her and her friend from their house to her boyfriend's house. The girls were 14.

Her mom used Uber all the time to get the girl to various activities when she was working, and thought it was great. I'm trying to figure out what adult driving for Uber sees two middle-school girls coming out of the house at 2 am and says, "Yeah, this seems like a good idea."
Oh yeah. I know it happens! Similar story. Mom had teen being picked up by Uber from various activities, her credit card obviously. Looked at her statements and realized her kid had been sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night and taking Uber to parties. Not smart on the kid's part (Hello? Credit card statements?). Not smart on mom's part. Not smart on the Uber driver's part, underage kid in your car. Many possible variables in that situation.
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Old Yesterday, 12:29 PM
 
11,242 posts, read 9,321,138 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hotmama7171 View Post
We have 2 children. The girl is age 16 and street smart, in shape, etc. The boy is age 20. He has mild Asperger's, has a chronic stomach condition (possibly Crohn's disease- we are working with a doctor to confirm this). The boy is weak from being sick a lot and very frail.

Here is my question: Would you allow an Uber to take your child to and from a doctor appointment that is a one hour round trip?

My husband and I disagree on this issue. Not only do we disagree, we are currently fighting about it. BIG TIME! My husband grew up with as the third child and his parents were sort of lax with his safety. His mother would frequently drop him off at the mall and not come back to get him for 3-4 hours. Even when they were out of town on vacation in unfamiliar areas- she would drop him off so she could go shopping.
Slow your roll there. His parents had a different opinion than you do about safety and independance /learning balance. I side with his parents on this one.

Quote:
My parents were divorced when I was 7, but I was raised mostly by grandparents who were constantly worried about my safety. I definitely would not have been dropped off at a mall for several hours at age 12 like my hubby was when he was a kid. I resented them for not giving me more independence, but understand them worrying for my safety. It can be a cruel world for kids.
The age is very much less important than the responsibility of the child. (Among other factors.) My DD was definitely responsible enough for it. But really, 12 is not 5. And a mall is ... well a mall. We're not talking about dropping them off in the combat zone at midnight.

Quote:
Our son has an upcoming doctor appointment which happens to be one morning when I will be at a doctor appointment myself. My husband is usually able to leave work for doctor appointments- his boss is not that strict on him and would understand if my husband told him he was taking his son to the doctor. But my husband does not want to take him to the doctor that morning- he suggests our son take an Uber.

I explained to my husband that my feelings are that I really don't want our son taking an Uber for this. This appointment is a 1 hour round trip and in an unfamiliar area of the city. Our son is very smart, but he's not too street smart and he is weak from being sick a lot. I worry about his safety. My husband laughed it off and told me our son would be fine, but our son told him that he was not going to take an Uber, so I should just drop it. I told hubby that the fact our son decided not to take the Uber is beside the point. The fact is that he should not ridicule my feelings regarding the Uber and should take me seriously. Hubby continued stating that he felt an Uber was fine. I told him I would like him to stop suggesting to our son that he take an Uber to his doctor appointments, errands, etc. (hubby has suggested an Uber in the past as well). I am not ok with it and I would appreciate he stop doing it. Hubby's reply was "Ok, I will try to not do it again". Then hubby proceeds to laugh at me. I'm like- WTF? What do you mean you will try????? Then anger set in. I became very very angry and chewed him out. Hubby said "I'm sorry you got upset", but not really taking ownership of what he was doing to upset me. Also- I do not appreciate him laughing at me as well. Hubby and I are currently in marriage therapy. The therapist has told us to speak from the heart because it usually gets us the answers/treatment we desire. I'm like, ok hubby, I spoke to you from the heart of a worried mother. I just wanted you to empathize with me and see my viewpoint but you laughed at me!


So parents: 1) Would you let your child take an Uber in this situation?

2) How would you respond to hubby?
1. He should not ridicule your feelings, clearly.

2. You don't just want him to empathize with you. You want him to cave to your worry. Do you HEAR his PoV? Doesn't sound like it. You are not ok with it. So full stop. Where are the guts of the conversation?

How the two of you FEEL abut this kind of issue is separate from the actual decision to uber. Bring this specific issue up at your next therapy session.
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Old Yesterday, 12:31 PM
 
11,242 posts, read 9,321,138 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hallouise View Post
Yes. The real issue here is the dynamic between you, OP, and your husband (you do mention at some point that your son doesn't even want to take the Uber, so that premise of your post is entirely moot). What you really want from this post is for us to validate your feelings.

Frankly, that is what you're going to marriage counseling for. Let the professional help you hash it out.
The fact that the son does not "want" to take uber could be the result of many things, not just safety.
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