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Old 12-04-2018, 08:10 PM
 
Location: Watervliet, NY
3,751 posts, read 1,262,249 times
Reputation: 6800

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Irish Eyes View Post
There is no time or day for practices or games given when you sign up for sports. I don't know if it's a new thing, but that's definitely how it is now. Should a child really not play any sport ever? It doesn't sound like the OP is that easy to co-parent with either, but the child shouldn't be punished for this. If you get divorced and then move away from your kids, you're the one that should be giving things up. I would never choose to move 90 minutes away from my child. If there was some reason absolutely beyond my control I would be the one coming back for his life while working every day to get back closer to him.

Exactly. Both my nephews play sports, and their parents are divorced. My brother gets them every other weekend (not sure how it works with the oldest now that he is 18, the younger one is 16). BOTH parents show up to the events. I've seen my ex-SIL twice in the past year, at a ski race and a cross country race, and we are cool as well, we're even friends on Facebook. No matter what happened between her and my brother, she is still my nephews' mother, and that makes her family.



Of course, granted, they have a much more mature co-parenting relationship than a lot of divorced couples. Completely on the same page in all things, and both completely supportive of what their sons are into. Both boys are high achievers in high school sports - the oldest's cross country team became state champions last month (undefeated for the entire season), and his little brother holds the school record for pentathlon.
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Old 12-04-2018, 08:24 PM
 
6,980 posts, read 3,823,930 times
Reputation: 4662
Quote:
Originally Posted by greywar View Post
Apparently im going to be the opposite view here. YOU scheduled things during the other parents time. YOU got your son all excited about it, and now the other parent is the bad guy for not doing what you feel you can oblige him too. Thats wrong. And the attitude that he is the bad guy....all comes from your choices. The father probably considers them the "selfish jerk choices" made by his ex,



As for the other kid....what EXACTLY do you think the father should do? Kick the other child out? Rent a spare house? If you think some sort of talking needs to occur, then find a way to communicate that politely. Something I doubt is occurring when your trashing this guy because you scheduled stuff during his time.
You don’t get to pick the practice or game times when you sign up. With sports it is a every week kind of thing. The only to avoid son having activities on his dads time would be for his dad to have no time.

The father should move to a place where each child can have their own room. He downgraded his lifestyle and therefore sons accommodations when he left. He moved to the ghetto because his new wife was from there. Secondly he should not have adopted two teens when he can’t even manage parenting his bio child.

I have tried talking to him politely. He is very his way or the highway. Actually selfish is one of his issues. He only thinks about himself. Son has tried talking to him.

My lawyer will even tell you I live for my kids and they are both amazing. My oldest was raised without a father. Now that she has met her half siblings and fathers family, she is grateful that I never subjected her to going with them. It is possible for kids to have a better life with one spectacular parent, then dealing with chaos from the second parent.
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Old 12-04-2018, 08:40 PM
 
6,980 posts, read 3,823,930 times
Reputation: 4662
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irish Eyes View Post
There is no time or day for practices or games given when you sign up for sports. I don't know if it's a new thing, but that's definitely how it is now. Should a child really not play any sport ever? It doesn't sound like the OP is that easy to co-parent with either, but the child shouldn't be punished for this. If you get divorced and then move away from your kids, you're the one that should be giving things up. I would never choose to move 90 minutes away from my child. If there was some reason absolutely beyond my control I would be the one coming back for his life while working every day to get back closer to him.
Actually my daughters family says I am easy to get along with. We go to dinner often as a big group. Her half siblings come stay at our house for visitations. Her half brother would choose to live with me before his own mother.

Sons father is a whole different story. He literally told the judge he moved that far to get away from us. Granted it was for a woman, but there is absolutely no reason he couldnít move back, except that she wonít leave her hometown. Personally I like that he lives that far. I would be ecstatic if he disappeared and we never heard from him again. He could move to the moon or be deported... i donít care.

I have had issues with him breaking into my house, stalking me, trying to kill me, attempting to kidnap son while he was in preschool during a period where he was on supervised visitation only. We do have an active protective order. He is still not allowed to come to our house, school or my employment. He stole my truck and disappeared to Mexico. Seriously the guy is a nut when his bipolarness is out of control.

When I first moved, my address was court ordered to be undisclosed for all the above reasons. He will even tell you, he rarely hears from me. I am a very silent ex. I wonít even require he pay support if he would relinquish rights
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Old 12-04-2018, 08:43 PM
 
6,980 posts, read 3,823,930 times
Reputation: 4662
Son had the idea that he will talk to his step mom. He has a good relationship with her and his father leaves him alone with her every weekend so he will find an opportunity to talk to her alone. Maybe she can convince the father to accommodate his wishes. I am proud of him
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Old 12-04-2018, 08:44 PM
 
Location: Eugene, Oregon
7,440 posts, read 2,340,046 times
Reputation: 10224
Quote:
Originally Posted by ContraPagan View Post
Exactly. Both my nephews play sports, and their parents are divorced. My brother gets them every other weekend (not sure how it works with the oldest now that he is 18, the younger one is 16). BOTH parents show up to the events. I've seen my ex-SIL twice in the past year, at a ski race and a cross country race, and we are cool as well, we're even friends on Facebook. No matter what happened between her and my brother, she is still my nephews' mother, and that makes her family.



Of course, granted, they have a much more mature co-parenting relationship than a lot of divorced couples. Completely on the same page in all things, and both completely supportive of what their sons are into. Both boys are high achievers in high school sports - the oldest's cross country team became state champions last month (undefeated for the entire season), and his little brother holds the school record for pentathlon.
How wonderful that both parents are thinking of the best interests of their children, after divorce. And that they aren't using them to take spiteful measures against each other. It's a blessing for a young person, when parents encourage and facilitate their interests and activities in sports and other things. As one who received no encouragement or help from my parents in anything, but resistance or a complete ban, instead, I'm especially aware of how important this is.
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Old 12-04-2018, 09:10 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
28,501 posts, read 18,082,889 times
Reputation: 41026
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
Son had the idea that he will talk to his step mom. He has a good relationship with her and his father leaves him alone with her every weekend so he will find an opportunity to talk to her alone. Maybe she can convince the father to accommodate his wishes. I am proud of him
Why won't she just take him to practice? I know it is not her responsibility, but if I were in her shoes I would. He's just a kid.
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Old 12-05-2018, 06:24 AM
 
6,980 posts, read 3,823,930 times
Reputation: 4662
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Why won't she just take him to practice? I know it is not her responsibility, but if I were in her shoes I would. He's just a kid.
Well he is very controlling. He could never get anywhere with controlling me. I owned the house, all the vehicles and had a strong personality that would tell him where he could go. When he left me I told him he could leave with exactly what he came with which was his clothes.

From what I have gathered from all their financial documents that have been part of the court case, he fully controls everything in their relationship. She does not even own the car she drives. She just started working a few months ago. So I think she wonít rock the boat to much with him.
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Old 12-05-2018, 07:16 AM
 
3,191 posts, read 1,287,432 times
Reputation: 6380
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
Well he is very controlling. He could never get anywhere with controlling me. I owned the house, all the vehicles and had a strong personality that would tell him where he could go. When he left me I told him he could leave with exactly what he came with which was his clothes.

From what I have gathered from all their financial documents that have been part of the court case, he fully controls everything in their relationship. She does not even own the car she drives. She just started working a few months ago. So I think she wonít rock the boat to much with him.
It sounds like two peas in a pod to me, which might be part of the problem. Someone needs to attempt to negotiate.
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Old 12-05-2018, 07:21 AM
 
Location: Central New Jersey
1,841 posts, read 633,333 times
Reputation: 3147
Was his father always this way or did he become a "selfish jerk" after parenthood?
Also, why did OP decide to choose him as being the father of her child??
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Old 12-05-2018, 09:42 AM
 
6,980 posts, read 3,823,930 times
Reputation: 4662
Quote:
Originally Posted by joee5 View Post
Was his father always this way or did he become a "selfish jerk" after parenthood?
Also, why did OP decide to choose him as being the father of her child??
He was great with my oldest child when she was a toddler. He became less interested when he became a father. He rarely even speaks to my oldest now. When she got sick he did ask how she was doing but that was it.
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