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Old Yesterday, 07:02 AM
 
6,973 posts, read 3,814,393 times
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For years my son (8 years old) has been asking to play sports. His father has been very against it. The father gets him every other weekend.

This past spring I signed him up for baseball and most of the practice and games happened during the week, so I could take him. He missed a couple Saturday games but not many. His dad did take him to one or two.

He wanted to play an indoor winter sport, so I signed him up with only knowing that the events would be Thursday, Friday or Saturday. I was hoping Thursday or Friday and I could take him before he went to his father. Of course with our luck everything is scheduled for Saturdayís. I tried getting him switched to another night but his age group only does Saturday. I called his father to see what we could arrange. I was ok with keeping him, or his father taking him. His father threw a fit and said he has better things to do on his weekends then run kids all over for sports. My argument is that as a parent, we often do things we donít want to do because it is something our child wants to do and we need to encourage him

He went to his first practice this past weekend and loved it. I think this just might be his sport. He is already saying he wants to go every week. He has called his father a few times to ask him if he could just stay with me this weekend. Son has his own phone (provided by me) and he can call his father whenever he wants. Generally is only to ask if he can not go with him.

This is not the only reason my son hates to go with his father, just happens to be the current issue. It breaks my heart to have a child that is forced to go somewhere he does not want to do. 8 year olds should not want to schedule meetings with judges so they can stay home and not visit parents they dislike.

His fathers new wife as two teenagers, one boy and one girl. The boy has anger management issues, attends reform school because he was kicked out of regular school. My son is supposed to share a room with him but just sleeps on the couch at his fathers house because the teen does not make it comfortable for him. He vapes, hogs the tv and xbox. Wonít let him play with toys, etc. Son and I have attempted to sit down with his father and discuss all the reasons he is uncomfortable there but father says none of that is changing and he needs to suck it up.

What kind of parent would continue to be a selfish jerk that your child does not want to visit? How do you deal with issues like this?

Before he got remarried he rarely picked up son. He went 2 years without getting him or paying support. Then he was ordered to pay but still didnít get him much. Once he got remarried, he started exercising his rights to visitation. I did offer him the opportunity to relinquish rights fully and terminating the child support. He started to do it but backed out after I paid to have the documents drawn up.
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Old Yesterday, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,907 posts, read 38,413,499 times
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I can't address the issue with his father, but as for Saturday games, arrange with another parent on the team to pick up your son at his dad's house. (You can pay her gas money.) Then his dad won't have to concern himself with getting him there.

Another thought ... Given all that info about the stepson, maybe you can modify your parenting plan so your son doesn't have to stay there at all.
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Old Yesterday, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Texas
7,115 posts, read 2,580,141 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post

His fathers new wife as two teenagers, one boy and one girl. The boy has anger management issues, attends reform school because he was kicked out of regular school. My son is supposed to share a room with him but just sleeps on the couch at his fathers house because the teen does not make it comfortable for him. He vapes, hogs the tv and xbox. Wonít let him play with toys, etc. Son and I have attempted to sit down with his father and discuss all the reasons he is uncomfortable there but father says none of that is changing and he needs to suck it up.
I wouldn't want my child around a boy like this, as I'd be worried he would pick up the same habits. My dad married a woman who's adult children had alcohol/drug problems. It eventually decimated his finances. Even playing video games and watching too much TV can point to an addictive personality. It is sad that a father cannot help his son foster a love of sports.
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Old Yesterday, 09:52 AM
 
6,973 posts, read 3,814,393 times
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Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
I can't address the issue with his father, but as for Saturday games, arrange with another parent on the team to pick up your son at his dad's house. (You can pay her gas money.) Then his dad won't have to concern himself with getting him there.

Another thought ... Given all that info about the stepson, maybe you can modify your parenting plan so your son doesn't have to stay there at all.
Father moved an hour and a half away from us. I have contacted a lawyer and was told no because the teenager had not hurt my son.

His own father abused my son and my son didnít have to go for awhile but the judge gave him back visitation.
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Old Yesterday, 09:54 AM
 
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Curious to know why you had a child with a "selfish jerk" as you put it? How long did you date this man before you married him? How long after being married did you have a child?
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Old Yesterday, 09:58 AM
 
6,973 posts, read 3,814,393 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I wouldn't want my child around a boy like this, as I'd be worried he would pick up the same habits. My dad married a woman who's adult children had alcohol/drug problems. It eventually decimated his finances. Even playing video games and watching too much TV can point to an addictive personality. It is sad that a father cannot help his son foster a love of sports.
I couldnít agree more. Believe me for this reason and a dozen more I would like my son to always stay with me and my parents.

I hate that judges encourage both part to be involved when one of them is a complete failure as a parent. Social services has done multiple home visits and agreed that the father should have no visitation but the judge disagreed. They just sent us to coparenting classes, to learn how to coparent.

We are from different worlds so what is acceptable to me isnít his normal. Drugs, poverty and chaos is his norm. I was raised very differently. Son has a very nice life with me. Good school, sports, summer camp, loving grandparents, large house in the country, pets, 4-h, traveling throughout the world, friends nearby etc.

I had to have it court ordered that the father could not smoke around child
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Old Yesterday, 10:05 AM
 
4,300 posts, read 1,812,794 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
I couldnít agree more. Believe me for this reason and a dozen more I would like my son to always stay with me and my parents.

I hate that judges encourage both part to be involved when one of them is a complete failure as a parent. Social services has done multiple home visits and agreed that the father should have no visitation but the judge disagreed. They just sent us to coparenting classes, to learn how to coparent.

We are from different worlds so what is acceptable to me isnít his normal. Drugs, poverty and chaos is his norm. I was raised very differently. Son has a very nice life with me. Good school, sports, summer camp, loving grandparents, large house in the country, pets, 4-h, traveling throughout the world, friends nearby etc.

I had to have it court ordered that the father could not smoke around child
Yet here we are...
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Old Yesterday, 10:08 AM
 
6,973 posts, read 3,814,393 times
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Originally Posted by CentralUSHomeowner View Post
Curious to know why you had a child with a "selfish jerk" as you put it? How long did you date this man before you married him? How long after being married did you have a child?
I never married him thankfully. For several years he was excellent with my oldest. We were together three years when I got pregnant. Then he had a bipolar episode (1st one happened in his early 20ís)and it all went downhill. Stole my truck, fled to Another country, cheating,etc. Since leaving me he has rejoined the poverty lifestyle. I had him living a pretty comfort lifestyle when he was with me. Now that he is on his own... all bets are off. I dont care what he does, just hate that he gets my son.
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Old Yesterday, 10:13 AM
 
6,973 posts, read 3,814,393 times
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Originally Posted by LLCNYC View Post
Yet here we are...
And?
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Old Yesterday, 10:14 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,907 posts, read 38,413,499 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LLCNYC View Post
Yet here we are...
No kidding.

OP, the father's moving an hour and a half away wasn't addressed by your parenting plan? That factor does explain why he wouldn't want to drive your son to a weekend game.
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