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Old 12-23-2018, 11:54 AM
 
7,997 posts, read 10,378,641 times
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Contact an attorney. Very, very rarely is a biological parent not allowed to see their child. But you may be able to restrict his contact to something like supervised visits. I would also legally go after back child support. Now that you know where he is, he can be arrested. He may opt to not see his son rather than risk arrest or may choose not to see him at all instead of doing supervised visits. Good luck to you.
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Old 12-23-2018, 01:42 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
30,585 posts, read 25,041,229 times
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I agree with these things:

Long, frank talk with son

See an attorney. He owes his son. Find out your rights. Take documentation with you to meeting.

If you don’t have to, refuse to make your son available.
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Old 12-23-2018, 03:34 PM
 
14,376 posts, read 18,320,068 times
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Did you keep these emails where he told you he was planning to alienate your son? They may be useful.

Go after the child support. As soon as this guy is local he should be seeing the cops at his door. A lawyer will be necessary - you need to understand what this dbag is legally entitled to and what you are entitled to (sounds like $150K).

Contact a therapist that you and your son can see together so that you can navigate this very tricky situation and communicate with each other effectively. It may be a financial challenge, but given that your son is already having a rocky time, it will probably be worth it. But make sure you go with someone reputable. Psychology Today has a great tool for this.

And please do contact your more recent ex (your son's true father) and ask him to spend more time with your son during this time.
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Old 12-23-2018, 11:08 PM
 
Location: Forest bathing
3,198 posts, read 2,464,697 times
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Your son will eventually discover the character of his dad, if not now, later. He may be very disappointed to find out that his dad is a dead beat for not paying child support or visiting. I know because my dad abandoned me at 5. Oh, sure, when he did stop by, he brought me wonderful gifts like a train set, dolls, etc. but I never really got to know him or the other half of my family who lived across the country. They turned out to be the bonus.

I finally made contact at 20 and met the family at Christmas. They are wonderful people but I felt like a stranger. I had no history with these people.

My dad died several years ago without a will. I felt nothing, well, sadness that he didn’t think enough of me to cultivate a relationship with neither me nor his granddaughter.

My mom said she was forever dragging him into court for child support. He paid little or nothing. I found only a few years ago I could have sued him at 18 for back child support. I don’t know if that is true but I was unaware of it until recently. I paid the price as we were poor. That child support could have made a big difference.

I hope you resolve this in the best interests of your son. It sounds like you will.
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Old 12-24-2018, 07:46 AM
 
16,825 posts, read 17,682,573 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alyssa2019 View Post
The issue I am having is that if I keep him away, he will eventually find him as an adult. And then what? He will tell the lies and all that at that time. And my son may be angry at me for keeping him away. It's just a mess.
This is why you should talk about these things early and often with kids.

Anyway, your son is old enough for himself to decide if he even wants to meet his biological father. You need to keep all the negative stuff about the biodad to yourself. If the biodad is as bad as you say he is your son will soon have him figured out.
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Old 12-24-2018, 07:51 AM
 
16,825 posts, read 17,682,573 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arwenmark View Post
You need a lawyer NOW have him file papers to sever and rights he thinks he has to the child, including seeing him.
If he has never paid child support that was ordered then he has no right to see the child.
Holy crap there is a lot of bad advice on this thread. Like this. Support and visitation are two separate and distinctly unrelated items related to parenting. The father of your son is entitled to request visitation. You son is entitled to decide if he wants to meet him. You have almost no say at this stage, unless you have evidence that your ex is using or is a danger to your son NOW. Besides, at this age, knowing for ones self what the bio parents are like is valuable in and of itself.

Please get your son a lawyer or court advocate and have them figure out what is best for your son, not necessarily what is best for you. At this point they do not seem to be the same thing.
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Old 12-24-2018, 04:03 PM
 
5,989 posts, read 6,748,914 times
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If he's had no contact with the young man for all this time, I don't think that any court would award visitation now. No contact for a long period of time can mean loss of visitation rights.

Child support is a separate issue. And now that you know where he is, go after him for it, and get him locked up for not paying support. Of course, that will solve the visitation issue.
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