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Old 12-23-2018, 07:38 PM
 
Location: Spartanburg,SC
284 posts, read 140,691 times
Reputation: 198

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I assume he goes through this. I have been looking to move out west, visiting out there twice, he gets very emotional anytime I have talked about it or went there(2000 miles away) . I try to tell him its a short 6 hour flight to come visit, and all the regular approaches to calming someone upset. He has a mellow tantrum saying he doesn't want to live in his current place if I'm not there, f*ck life He doesnt care anymore etc.

He has a wife and daughter here. My brother lives 7 hours away in Ohio. I'm looking to love in AZ for at least a year to try it, but of course he guilt trips me and I don't go through with it. Hes 55, I'm 30 and just want to live my own life for a while. How do I help him with this or will it fix itself..
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Old 12-23-2018, 07:45 PM
 
2,294 posts, read 1,236,858 times
Reputation: 4736
Move where you want to move. Life is short, don't waste it because people think you should live somewhere else.

He'll get over it or he won't. Either way, it is your life to live.

You aren't going to rationally talk someone down that is emotionally engaged in an argument. You shouldn't be surprised at what he is feeling right now and his words. If you move, he will likely get over it but a bit of passive aggressive anger would be expected.

I will say this though, before you move, line up a job and rent in the area for the first year before you make any permanent decisions. Keep the doors open where you are now (give proper notice and don't burn any bridges).

Moving is great if it is well planned and you do your research. Many just get the whim to move and do it half ass. That can be disastrous. Job availability, pay and cost of living in the area are the biggest factors outside of "oh wow this is cool". Look at them closely.
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Old 12-23-2018, 08:00 PM
 
Location: Spartanburg,SC
284 posts, read 140,691 times
Reputation: 198
I dont think I plan on buying a place for a long time. We are orginally from Ohio , which I lived up until 2 years ago. I absolutely do not want to return and one of his threats to make me stay is he will move back to Ohio, leaving me no place to go back to if it doesnt work out in my new city. I guess that's how it rolls though for most moving with no family close to their destination.
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Old 12-24-2018, 09:01 AM
 
Location: here
24,635 posts, read 29,111,891 times
Reputation: 31512
My mom had a fit when we made plans to move out of state. She made it emotionally difficult to do what we felt was best for us and for our kids. We went anyway. Now our relationship is probably better now than it would have been if we'd stayed there. We visit. They visit.
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Old 12-24-2018, 11:27 AM
 
5,175 posts, read 4,969,407 times
Reputation: 12056
I understand why he wouldn't want you to be so far away. Give your father a hug, tell him you love him , and move forward with your life.

Best of luck.
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Old 12-24-2018, 12:57 PM
 
9,792 posts, read 7,605,040 times
Reputation: 23972
Stop feeling guilty. You've done nothing wrong. Keep making your plans. Your father is a grown man. He will get over it.

Just keep loving him and reassuring him that it will be okay. Teach him how to Skype or Facetime now so that he will know how to use it when you move.
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Old 12-24-2018, 03:42 PM
 
6,119 posts, read 3,448,403 times
Reputation: 14077
I assume he lived where he wanted at your age and his parents survived. He will too. You can live your own life and still have a great relationship with him.
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Old 12-24-2018, 04:53 PM
 
3,588 posts, read 3,390,597 times
Reputation: 9209
This isn't a parenting issue. It's a non-romantic relationship issue.

Don't let him do this to you. Make your life where you want to. Haven't you seen and heard of enough sick stories where the parent infantilized the child forever, keeping the child from living a full life? GO!
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Old 12-25-2018, 02:51 PM
 
3,298 posts, read 2,896,448 times
Reputation: 9636
One of our jobs to do as a parent is to raise our children such that we become obsolete. It's hard to let go. Your father loves you. Why don't you ask him to go out there and help you look around. If you both like it, he could relocate there too.
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Old Yesterday, 10:12 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,609 posts, read 16,307,906 times
Reputation: 39485
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
I assume he lived where he wanted at your age and his parents survived. He will too. You can live your own life and still have a great relationship with him.
Great points.
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