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Old 12-29-2018, 08:23 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,125 posts, read 6,513,875 times
Reputation: 3088

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Quote:
Originally Posted by CGab View Post
I suppose you're correct there; however, it's just rude to keep texting in another persons presence. And whether you like it or not she's still you mother and you should respect her. Doesn't matter how old you are.

Some day you might have a child and you will understand this.
It’s not like we were sitting down to dinner.
My brother and his girlfriend were sitting in the living room, one of her kids was on her phone playing games, her other was play with toys, my brother was walking around doing stuff, off and on his phone.
My grandmother was sitting in her chair taking photos posting them to Facebook.
My mom was in the kitchen doing stuff.

I could understand if we had been sitting down eating at that moment but we weren’t.
Sides were being heated, other people were on their phones. This has to do with the fact that she likes to target me. She enjoys yelling at me. Like she feeds off it. She’s so unhappy with her life that it makes her feel better when she does that to me.

 
Old 12-29-2018, 08:25 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
40,473 posts, read 39,115,704 times
Reputation: 76781
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post

She’s so unhappy with her life that it makes her feel better when she does that to me.
Yes, which was said on the first page of this thread, 147 posts ago.

You can't change her. Anything else you want to know?
 
Old 12-29-2018, 08:30 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,125 posts, read 6,513,875 times
Reputation: 3088
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Yes, which was said on the first page of this thread, 147 posts ago.

You can't change her. Anything else you want to know?
How to change her?
Because if sheís going to keep being in the picture I literally canít keep doing this.
I just want peace and tranquility.
I want to go over to my grandmothers house and not find her kitchen trashed from my mom cooking and not cleaning up. Iíd like to not be asked to clean up after my mother when she does that, instead of like her to clean up after herself.

Itís not healthy to stay as angry at her as I do.
Iím either going to anger myself into premature greys and wrinkles or Iím going to enduce an early stroke.
As long as she lives with my mom and as long as I have to keep picking up her slack itís goonf to bother me.

Her mother and her father have both enabled her and I donít want to allow it. I donít want to enable her or allow my grandmother to do so any longer and confronting her only makes her angry.
 
Old 12-29-2018, 08:34 PM
 
Location: Raleigh NC
5,340 posts, read 4,725,096 times
Reputation: 13478
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
If your "job" is to take care of your grandma, there should be a schedule. You should go over at the same time every day and get her what she needs. Maybe your mom is the one who gets her breakfast, and you go over later to do dishes or laundry and get her lunch, or whatever. If there's an emergency, of course all that changes, but I don't understand why you are being called to come over at the last minute all the time.
I think this is really good advice. A better defined division of labor might help.

However, my thought was, Just have Grandma move in with you! Even if it was for a week or two it would give everyone a break.
 
Old 12-29-2018, 08:39 PM
 
Location: Raleigh NC
5,340 posts, read 4,725,096 times
Reputation: 13478
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
Itís not like we were sitting down to dinner.
My brother and his girlfriend were sitting in the living room, one of her kids was on her phone playing games, her other was play with toys, my brother was walking around doing stuff, off and on his phone.
My grandmother was sitting in her chair taking photos posting them to Facebook.
My mom was in the kitchen doing stuff.

I could understand if we had been sitting down eating at that moment but we werenít.
Sides were being heated, other people were on their phones. This has to do with the fact that she likes to target me. She enjoys yelling at me. Like she feeds off it. Sheís so unhappy with her life that it makes her feel better when she does that to me.
Don't let the disrespect police get to you. Your mother is definitely the one in the wrong here. It would help if you could stand up to her in a general way. My Momma is mean also and I've worked for years to shut her down. Try saying Something like "Pleases stop it." My sister in law can quiet my mom down by saying "Is that really necessary?" that one works for all kinds of things. I have also had good luck with "Ouch! that was a really hurtful thing to say". And then do NOT engage in debate. I bet if you could do that your mom would be surprised into keeping her mouth shut for at least a few minutes.

So often no one stands up to the bully. You mom is a HUGE bully. But now that you are an adult she treats you like a doormat because you allow it. What do you gain from being at her beck and call 24/7?
 
Old 12-29-2018, 08:45 PM
 
4,580 posts, read 1,939,904 times
Reputation: 12968
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
Don't let the disrespect police get to you. Your mother is definitely the one in the wrong here. It would help if you could stand up to her in a general way. My Momma is mean also and I've worked for years to shut her down. Try saying Something like "Pleases stop it." My sister in law can quiet my mom down by saying "Is that really necessary?" that one works for all kinds of things. I have also had good luck with "Ouch! that was a really hurtful thing to say". And then do NOT engage in debate. I bet if you could do that your mom would be surprised into keeping her mouth shut for at least a few minutes.

So often no one stands up to the bully. You mom is a HUGE bully. But now that you are an adult she treats you like a doormat because you allow it. What do you gain from being at her beck and call 24/7?
Clearly you have not read the history here nor any of the prior posts.
 
Old 12-29-2018, 09:08 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,125 posts, read 6,513,875 times
Reputation: 3088
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
Don't let the disrespect police get to you. Your mother is definitely the one in the wrong here. It would help if you could stand up to her in a general way. My Momma is mean also and I've worked for years to shut her down. Try saying Something like "Pleases stop it." My sister in law can quiet my mom down by saying "Is that really necessary?" that one works for all kinds of things. I have also had good luck with "Ouch! that was a really hurtful thing to say". And then do NOT engage in debate. I bet if you could do that your mom would be surprised into keeping her mouth shut for at least a few minutes.

So often no one stands up to the bully. You mom is a HUGE bully. But now that you are an adult she treats you like a doormat because you allow it. What do you gain from being at her beck and call 24/7?
Iím at her beck and call because she refuses to help her mother.
Itís also hard to make a schedule because my grandmother doesnít always stay on one.
 
Old 12-29-2018, 09:14 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,125 posts, read 6,513,875 times
Reputation: 3088
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
I think this is really good advice. A better defined division of labor might help.

However, my thought was, Just have Grandma move in with you! Even if it was for a week or two it would give everyone a break.
She can’t theres no room.

My great grandmother was a hoarder.
So the entire second floor is all **** she’d never throw away.
The front two rooms one is storage for my grandmothers stuff and the other room for ours because we don’t have a basement, an attic or a garage to put our things and I’ll be damned if I throw away or let another one of my possessions ruin because there’s no effing space for it. I lost so much **** I was forced into putting in some shed I was so livid. DBs good golf clubs almost got ruined too.

I’m not allowed to touch, sort, box, remove anything that isn’t mine without my grandmother here.
We’d also need an entirely different house so we have somewhere to put up our large dog so he doesn’t knock her over.

Out of the whole house we have one bedroom, a bathroom, laundry room, kitchen, dining room, that’s it.
The rest of the house is filled with boxes and old furniture I’m not allowed to sell on marketplace because apparently it’s “worth a fortune” and “these people just can’t see it”. So her and one one her friends have spent the last month and a half trying to find a buyer for this “expensive” furniture and nothing.

It’s really hard to get anything done like that and when my grandmother passes my mom has already said she’s throwing it all away.
 
Old 12-29-2018, 09:16 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
40,473 posts, read 39,115,704 times
Reputation: 76781
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post

You can't change her. Anything else you want to know?
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post

How to change her?
That's not going to happen.


Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post

Because if sheís going to keep being in the picture I literally canít keep doing this.
I just want peace and tranquility.
I want to go over to my grandmothers house and not find her kitchen trashed from my mom cooking and not cleaning up. Iíd like to not be asked to clean up after my mother when she does that, instead of like her to clean up after herself.
Unfortunately you cannot control them.
 
Old 12-29-2018, 09:19 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,125 posts, read 6,513,875 times
Reputation: 3088
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
That's not going to happen.




Unfortunately you cannot control them.
Well then I guess I need to just stop cleaning up after her because I did NOT just put up with her bull**** for 21 years and miss out on my teenage years just to spend my 20s and 30s being her ***** picking up after her like Dobby the G-Díd house elf.
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