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Old 12-28-2018, 09:30 AM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,125 posts, read 6,498,237 times
Reputation: 3088

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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
Therapy for yourself, maybe? You aren't going to be able to change your mother and you need to accept that. Maybe some sort of therapy for your grandmother so she sees the error in her ways and kicks the deadbeat out? Unfortunately, many senior citizens are taken advantage of like that. It's sad but I don't think there's anything you can do about it. Does your mom have other siblings who might be able to take a stand and insist that she move out?
Kicking her out is never going to happen.
My grandmother and brother will make sure of that and if I want anything to do with my family Iíll have to learn how to like deal with her.

I donít want to be 40 and be getting treated like a child in front of my future children one day but I also want them to have an uncle and family.

No she has a step brother but thatís it. She was an only child till she was 17.

Whatís asked of her is not much but sheís always got an excuse sheís always saying sheís sick, has a headache, hurts, is asleep, something has to give.

I want the whole family to just like sit her down and the only way I think thatíll happen is with help.

 
Old 12-28-2018, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,125 posts, read 6,498,237 times
Reputation: 3088
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
Therapy for yourself, maybe? You aren't going to be able to change your mother and you need to accept that. Maybe some sort of therapy for your grandmother so she sees the error in her ways and kicks the deadbeat out? Unfortunately, many senior citizens are taken advantage of like that. It's sad but I don't think there's anything you can do about it. Does your mom have other siblings who might be able to take a stand and insist that she move out?
SHE needs therapy and she has health insurance.

I have wine and screaming top 40 in car (not simultaneously ofc). I donít need to sink $100s into talking to someone about my issues. I rather take that money and go shopping once a month. Iíd feel a million times better.

Iíve also signed up for Uber and my grandmother is helping me look into insurance.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 09:34 AM
 
4,548 posts, read 1,915,270 times
Reputation: 12853
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
we've been trying to provide all of that here for you for 10 years to no avail. Do you have insurance or a way to cover any of that? Go for it. I think you could definitely benefit from good therapy.
+1.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 09:37 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,283 posts, read 22,426,241 times
Reputation: 35952
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
SHE needs therapy and she has health insurance.

I have wine and screaming top 40 in car (not simultaneously ofc). I don’t need to sink $100s into talking to someone about my issues. I rather take that money and go shopping once a month. I’d feel a million times better.

I’ve also signed up for Uber and my grandmother is helping me look into insurance.
But you cannot change her if she doesn't want to change.

Do you still not have health insurance? After everything?

You are nearly 30. In the 10 years you've been posting, you've never supported yourself and you've squandered your college fund all while searching for the ever-elusive easy button for life. Your problems are always someone else's fault. The apple clearly does not fall far from the tree - hence the continued suggestions for therapy.

Last edited by maciesmom; 12-28-2018 at 09:45 AM..
 
Old 12-28-2018, 09:45 AM
 
Location: here
24,728 posts, read 29,203,831 times
Reputation: 31802
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
Depends on the dinner and what everyone was doing.
No one else was in the kitchen but me and her, people were all over the house, we didnít even sit down to eat for another 20 minutes after that. It not like I was texting while I was eating. Iím 29, Iím basically old, I should be at the point where I can use my own phone while I do other tasks without getting yelled at like Iím 14.

You know, Iím on vacation too. Iím trying to wish my own friends and their children Merry Christmas.



She has to use a wheelchair just to get from her bed to the kitchen so sometimes I have to come over just to get her food and a glass of water because my mom is asleep and not answering her phone.

I canít tell my grandmother no. Sheíd go without.




Take yesterday for example, my cat is injured and on a soft food diet. I had to run to get soft cat food and my birth control from Walmart and I swung by my grandmother to pick up the rest of my stuff from the night before and my moms all like Iím not getting out of bed go get your grandmother food Iím not doing it even tho I was having an issue with my script and hadnít gotten my pills and didnít have time to help her. I ended up doing it anyways and it forced me into having to start my pills a day later than I wanted to.



Because she spent 18 years telling me I owned nothing and that the house and my phone and my laptop were hers and that I just used them and that if I wanted to make my own rules then I could move out and pay for my stuff and then it would be mine to do with it as I pleased.

A teenager canít own property.
A teenager canít sign a contract.

I did.


My mom has zero legal grounds to tell me to put my phone away, itís not in her name and she doesnít pay for it. If sheíd like that ability she can Apple Pay me $100/mo.
No, you didn't. You moved into a house owned by a family member, rent free, and hven't had a real job in years.


Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
Iím not dependent upon my mother tho.
And we were just fine before she came down here and my grandmother was enjoying her independence.
But you are dependent on your grandmother. You wouldn't have a place to live without her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
There has to be something.
Therapy?
Intervention?
Reverse psychology?

Sheís going to make me start prematurely aging if I donít get a handle on it.
You can't change her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
Kicking her out is never going to happen.
My grandmother and brother will make sure of that and if I want anything to do with my family Iíll have to learn how to like deal with her.

I donít want to be 40 and be getting treated like a child in front of my future children one day but I also want them to have an uncle and family.

No she has a step brother but thatís it. She was an only child till she was 17.

Whatís asked of her is not much but sheís always got an excuse sheís always saying sheís sick, has a headache, hurts, is asleep, something has to give.

I want the whole family to just like sit her down and the only way I think thatíll happen is with help.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
But you cannot change her if she doesn't want to change.

Do you still not have health insurance? After everything?

You are nearly 30. In the 10 years you've been posting, you've never supported yourself and your problems are always someone else's fault. The apple clearly does not fall far from the tree - hence the continued suggestions for therapy.
This.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 09:54 AM
 
2,698 posts, read 1,391,772 times
Reputation: 7250
What your OP describes doesn't sound like a "parenting" or "treated like a child" thing. That dialogue is something that could have just as easily happened between spouses, or friends, or siblings. Right or wrong, people get annoyed when others are constantly glued to their phones, no matter what the relationship.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 11:19 AM
 
2,754 posts, read 1,206,998 times
Reputation: 10661
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
SHE needs therapy and she has health insurance.

I have wine and screaming top 40 in car (not simultaneously ofc). I donít need to sink $100s into talking to someone about my issues. I rather take that money and go shopping once a month. Iíd feel a million times better.

Iíve also signed up for Uber and my grandmother is helping me look into insurance.

I don't know, it seems you are not able to set boundaries because if you did you would not be allowing your mother to continue to talk to you that way. Her asking to help set the table is fine, that's what close relatives often do at family gatherings, pitch in. You texting might be irritating BUT you are an adult and your mother wasn't parenting, she was being verbally abusive. You teach people how to treat you by what you accept and don't accept.

Seems though it's like talking to a brick wall because posters here have been trying to offer advice for 10 years. I figure you will just keep venting here and getting nowhere, so happy holidays .
 
Old 12-28-2018, 12:45 PM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
9,714 posts, read 13,620,160 times
Reputation: 20620
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
All I said to her after that CALMLY was ďYou donít pay the bill, donít tell me how to use it.Ē and I walked out the the garage and ripped my vape pen a few times and came back inside.
So focused on the wrong thing here. Makes no difference who bought the phone or pays the bill. I was under the impression you were at the house to VISIT with your family on Christmas day, in which case it was rude for you to take out your phone and text others. If you wanted to text holiday greetings to your friends that could have been done when you were at your own home on your own time, not while you are at a family holiday dinner.
Your mom's reaction was way over the top and not excusable, but if you don't even understand why she might have been annoyed with you I don't know what to say.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 01:06 PM
 
2,406 posts, read 899,013 times
Reputation: 4620
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
So this is the second Christmas since my mom has moved in with my grandmother and being in such close quarters during the holidays has shown me just how much she still treats me like she did all those years ago.

Limiting my time over the last 5 years has limited the opportunities for her to act like she used to and now the opportunities are abundant since Iím over at my grandmothers almost everyday for varying amounts of time.

She still speaks to me and treats me like a child, the worst way you could speak to a child but a child nonetheless.

For example Christmas Day my boyfriend and I got to my grandmothers and my mom is in the kitchen doing some last minute things and after I set my stuff down and got situated said hi to everyone she asked me to set the table, which I did, no issue but as I was putting the place mats out I was replying to a text and she just starts screeching out of nowhere ďWHO TF ARE TOU TEXTING?!Ē ďWHAT IS SO G-D IMPORTANT YOURE DOING THAT WHILE YOU SET THE TABLE?!Ē ďPUT THAT FVVKING THING AWAY.Ē Like I jumped, she didnít even seem in a bad mood when I walked in. Mind you my brothers girlfriends childrenís are in the next rooms while my mother is acting like this.

This is just one of many. I could continue to list them all but Iím sure I could find someone who would rather I didnít.
Itís like the switch hasnít flipped yet for her, you know?
Thatís not how you talk to a 29 year old. Especially a 29 year old whos name is on the cell phone contract and whoís SO takes care of financial part. Iím an adult. She has no place telling me what do like that anymore.


I know you all tell me to just have nothing to do with her but itís not like sheís moving out anytime soon and I have to figure something out because both my grandmother and I are at our wits end with her attitude.
Sheís 54 going on 14.
She sounds like she has dementia. Take her to doctor for an assessment.

This is a universal problem. I am 64 and staying with my mother over Xmas hols. She still treats me like I don't know anything.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,627 posts, read 3,255,867 times
Reputation: 9310
OP, I know this isn't the point of your thread, but why would you, at 29, need your grandmother's help with getting health insurance? You know that you could have applied for ACA-compliant insurance all on your own before December 15? Now I believe only people who have special circumstances can apply. But you don't need grandma to help you with this. Just do it. Though since your boyfriend (?) is paying your cellphone bill, maybe you're not financially independent? Seems like there's a lot of weird stuff going on and your mother is only one part of it.

All of you need family therapy and you probably need individual therapy so you can do normal adult things like paying your bills and applying for health insurance. What a mess. But it's not a hopeless situation at all. Make 2019 your year to shine. You have the rest of your life ahead of you! Figure out what you need to do to get a job, set some boundaries, pay your cellphone bill, and succeed!
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