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Old 12-28-2018, 05:33 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,125 posts, read 6,498,237 times
Reputation: 3088

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Then move out. You won't have to deal with your mom on a regular basis anymore.



No, you're not. You are unemployed and unmarried. If he decided to leave you tomorrow you'd be up sh** creek. Nothing has changed in years.
I donít live with my mom.
My mom and my grandmotber live 15 minutes across town in my grandmothers house.
I live with my boyfriend and pets in an extremely old farm house that belonged to my family thatís going to be bulldozed to make room for industrial ****.

If I move out I still have to go over to my grandmothers house where my mother lives everytime she texts me.

What havenít you understoood about that???

 
Old 12-28-2018, 05:36 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,125 posts, read 6,498,237 times
Reputation: 3088
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
So where's all this money you've saved?



You're 29 years old with no skills, no education, no health insurance and bad credit. I don't think you've ever held a job or been consistently employed for more than 1 year. You can't be bothered to find out how to get health insurance without relying on your elderly grandmother for help, even though you have all the time in the world to do so since you are unemployed.

News flash...that is not "stable" in any way. Financially or otherwise.

Grow up.
We have a savings account.
He has a truck loan in his name and a credit card he pays off every month.
Since heís had his bank account for over a year and steady paychecks it helped get him a truck loan. Itís helping build his credit. We hope to be able to get into a home within the next two years.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 05:45 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,283 posts, read 22,426,241 times
Reputation: 35952
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
Marriage is a religious thing first and foremost and he and I arenít religious so when we get married after you know being together for almost damn near a decade now itíll mostly be for the tax benefits and just making it official and excuse to throw a party.

We ALL know in todayís society if he and I were to get married that it doesnít mean **** and people get divorced and nothing is guaranteed forever.

Two people arenít together as long as he and I have been for no reason.
We donít need to be married to be committed to each other.

Marriage is primarily a legal thing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
We have a savings account.
He has a truck loan in his name and a credit card he pays off every month.
Since heís had his bank account for over a year and steady paychecks it helped get him a truck loan. Itís helping build his credit. We hope to be able to get into a home within the next two years.
So he has debt which he is paying off with his steady job. Hopefully he has insurance and hopefully that job is withholding taxes and SS.

What do you have?

Zip.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 05:47 PM
 
Location: here
24,728 posts, read 29,203,831 times
Reputation: 31802
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
Marriage is a religious thing first and foremost and he and I arenít religious so when we get married after you know being together for almost damn near a decade now itíll mostly be for the tax benefits and just making it official and excuse to throw a party.

We ALL know in todayís society if he and I were to get married that it doesnít mean **** and people get divorced and nothing is guaranteed forever.

Two people arenít together as long as he and I have been for no reason.
We donít need to be married to be committed to each other.
BS. Marriage is a civil contract between 2 people. It would mean if he left you, he'd have to pay spousal support, since you don't/can't support yourself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
I donít live with my mom.
My mom and my grandmotber live 15 minutes across town in my grandmothers house.
I live with my boyfriend and pets in an extremely old farm house that belonged to my family thatís going to be bulldozed to make room for industrial ****.

If I move out I still have to go over to my grandmothers house where my mother lives everytime she texts me.

What havenít you understoood about that???
Yes, I understand where you live and who you live with. If you aren't living rent free in great grandma's house, you aren't obligated to take care of your grandma. Are you seriously this f-ing dense? Your life is entangled with your family because you decided you wanted a free place to live. In exchange, you take care of grandma. If you hadn't made that deal in the first place, you wouldn't have to be there at grandma's beck and call.

It doesn't sound like leaving your mom to care for grandma alone would work very well, but that's not the point. The point is, you made your own bed by prioritizing free rent over independence. Now you are stuck.

Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
We have a savings account.
He has a truck loan in his name and a credit card he pays off every month.
Since heís had his bank account for over a year and steady paychecks it helped get him a truck loan. Itís helping build his credit. We hope to be able to get into a home within the next two years.
This is not the definition of personal financial responsibility. A year of steady paychecks and a bank account at the age of 29? I've had a bank account since high school and a house since I was 26, and a steady paycheck since I was 17, minus the few years I stayed home with the kids.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 06:04 PM
 
Location: here
24,728 posts, read 29,203,831 times
Reputation: 31802
txt, I can tell that your mom was not the greatest, and you didn't have a lot of guidance or a great roll model growing up. That's unfortunate. But, you are almost 30 years old. At this point you are responsible for your own choices. If nothing else, your mom should have served as an example of how not to be.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 06:12 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,627 posts, read 3,255,867 times
Reputation: 9310
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
BS. Marriage is a civil contract between 2 people. It would mean if he left you, he'd have to pay spousal support, since you don't/can't support yourself.



Yes, I understand where you live and who you live with. If you aren't living rent free in great grandma's house, you aren't obligated to take care of your grandma. Are you seriously this f-ing dense? Your life is entangled with your family because you decided you wanted a free place to live. In exchange, you take care of grandma. If you hadn't made that deal in the first place, you wouldn't have to be there at grandma's beck and call.

It doesn't sound like leaving your mom to care for grandma alone would work very well, but that's not the point. The point is, you made your own bed by prioritizing free rent over independence. Now you are stuck.



This is not the definition of personal financial responsibility. A year of steady paychecks and a bank account at the age of 29? I've had a bank account since high school and a house since I was 26, and a steady paycheck since I was 17, minus the few years I stayed home with the kids.
Yep. At 29, I was married, had two children, had bought and sold my first home and purchased my second home, had moved 1,500 miles away from family, and so on. At 30, I started my own business (I stayed home full-time with the kids for 6 years; prior to that, I worked full-time). I get that everyone is different, but OP, you should be working full-time, saving for your future, and doing awesome things, whatever that means to you. Not living in a ramshackle old house, not working, and celebrating that your boyfriend has a bank account that he's managed to keep for a year. And certainly not putting up with a codependent and likely abusive mother. You don't have to live like this.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 06:19 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,623 posts, read 16,381,752 times
Reputation: 39572
Quote:
Originally Posted by LLCNYC View Post
So in summary- an adult with no job, no rent, no health insurance and can't get it on their own, crap credit and dyeing your hair blonde.

Ok.

How are YOU financially stable with no job? You aren't married. It's HIS money.
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
No I’m an adult in a relationship with someone who pays our bills and takes care everything financially aside from rent. He’s saving money, he’s fixing his credit, he just got a new truck, he’s got a business credit card, he’s doing all the right things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
No, you're not. You are unemployed and unmarried. If he decided to leave you tomorrow you'd be up sh** creek. Nothing has changed in years.

Even if he does not leave you voluntarily what if your boyfriend suddenly dies?
Does he have life insurance? Are you listed as beneficiary on his retirement account and all of his CDs and savings accounts? Does he have a will? If he doesn't have a will, and you aren't married, then everything that he owns will either go to his parents or his siblings or his cousins (or even the state if he does not have any relatives).

I am part of a widow/widowers support group and some of the stories are simply heartbreaking. One woman lived with her boyfriend for almost 40 years but was left with absolutely nothing. She had to move out of "their" house a few days after his funeral. She could not take any of "their" furniture or personal items or the mattress or bedding or sheets or cookware or anything (except her clothes) because everything now belonged to his daughter. She couldn't even take "their" cat (that she and her boyfriend had raised from a kitten) because it now belonged to his daughter because they were not married and he did not have a will (actually he had a 45 year old will from before they started living together). The couple lived together for almost 40 years and she was left with absolutely nothing.

While this was the most dramatic story there are others where the live in BF/GF or spouse left their partner in horrible financial shape in addition to the loss of losing them to death.

Last edited by germaine2626; 12-28-2018 at 06:36 PM..
 
Old 12-28-2018, 06:29 PM
 
12,995 posts, read 20,117,715 times
Reputation: 34478
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
txt, I can tell that your mom was not the greatest, and you didn't have a lot of guidance or a great roll model growing up. That's unfortunate. But, you are almost 30 years old. At this point you are responsible for your own choices. If nothing else, your mom should have served as an example of how not to be.
All true. Txt, do you know how many of us have been rooting for you for YEARS, only to hear the same old excuses?

Your car accident was an unfortunate setback. But it shouldn't impede your future. You can still finish your education. You can marry your boyfriend, and hopefully get enrolled on his insurance. You are living your mother's life, you just can't see it.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 06:31 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
10,797 posts, read 3,517,671 times
Reputation: 13019
First...….You're 29? Geez, time to start acting like it. If YOU were financially stable as you claim you are, then YOU would not have bad credit and COULD afford your own apartment or house. So no, you are not financially stable and relying on her. I personally don't think someone who is 29 should be living at home. You should have your own place, a good job, a 401K or some type of retirement savings.

2nd...… Marriage is not religious a thing as you stated. I actually laughed when I read that! You can go to the court house to get married you know. Marriage means you are actually committed to each legally. Not being married just makes it easier for one of you to walk away. He doesn't owe you anything and as others have stated if something was to happen to him you would probably get nothing. AND I WOULD NOT advise buying a house with a boyfriend! But anyway, that's a discussion for another thread.

3rd...….YES one can have dementia at 54.


To me, it sounds like both you and your mother have a lot of issues in your lives to work out, not just with each other.

Last edited by CGab; 12-28-2018 at 07:05 PM..
 
Old 12-28-2018, 06:39 PM
 
Location: planet earth
3,625 posts, read 1,288,531 times
Reputation: 8030
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
No one has acknowledged her name because she's been posting here for 10 years. Most of us are very well acquainted with both her and her situation.
No irony in this particular thread that her mom was cussing her out for TEXTING while setting the table?

So serious.
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