U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 12-28-2018, 06:41 PM
 
Location: planet earth
3,625 posts, read 1,288,531 times
Reputation: 8030

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
I donít live with my mom.
My mom and my grandmotber live 15 minutes across town in my grandmothers house.
I live with my boyfriend and pets in an extremely old farm house that belonged to my family thatís going to be bulldozed to make room for industrial ****.

If I move out I still have to go over to my grandmothers house where my mother lives everytime she texts me.

What havenít you understoood about that???
Because you are not independent, it would benefit you to be married (even though you don't believe there is any reason to, as you are not religious, etc.). Does your boyfriend want to marry you?

 
Old 12-28-2018, 06:52 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,283 posts, read 22,426,241 times
Reputation: 35952
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
txt, I can tell that your mom was not the greatest, and you didn't have a lot of guidance or a great roll model growing up. That's unfortunate. But, you are almost 30 years old. At this point you are responsible for your own choices. If nothing else, your mom should have served as an example of how not to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
Yep. At 29, I was married, had two children, had bought and sold my first home and purchased my second home, had moved 1,500 miles away from family, and so on. At 30, I started my own business (I stayed home full-time with the kids for 6 years; prior to that, I worked full-time). I get that everyone is different, but OP, you should be working full-time, saving for your future, and doing awesome things, whatever that means to you. Not living in a ramshackle old house, not working, and celebrating that your boyfriend has a bank account that he's managed to keep for a year. And certainly not putting up with a codependent and likely abusive mother. You don't have to live like this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
All true. Txt, do you know how many of us have been rooting for you for YEARS, only to hear the same old excuses?

Your car accident was an unfortunate setback. But it shouldn't impede your future. You can still finish your education. You can marry your boyfriend, and hopefully get enrolled on his insurance. You are living your mother's life, you just can't see it.
Yes to all of these.

Txt is clearly bright. It is frustrating to watch her continually make poor decisions that steer her down the same sad path as her mother.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 07:12 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,125 posts, read 6,498,237 times
Reputation: 3088
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Marriage is primarily a legal thing.



So he has debt which he is paying off with his steady job. Hopefully he has insurance and hopefully that job is withholding taxes and SS.

What do you have?

Zip.
Heís also building his credit score and saving money every month.
So we can apply for a mortgage and get a home in the future.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
BS. Marriage is a civil contract between 2 people. It would mean if he left you, he'd have to pay spousal support, since you don't/can't support yourself.



Yes, I understand where you live and who you live with. If you aren't living rent free in great grandma's house, you aren't obligated to take care of your grandma. Are you seriously this f-ing dense? Your life is entangled with your family because you decided you wanted a free place to live. In exchange, you take care of grandma. If you hadn't made that deal in the first place, you wouldn't have to be there at grandma's beck and call.

It doesn't sound like leaving your mom to care for grandma alone would work very well, but that's not the point. The point is, you made your own bed by prioritizing free rent over independence. Now you are stuck.



This is not the definition of personal financial responsibility. A year of steady paychecks and a bank account at the age of 29? I've had a bank account since high school and a house since I was 26, and a steady paycheck since I was 17, minus the few years I stayed home with the kids.
Whether or not I live rent free doesnít matter even if I moved out of those house and was no longer obligated to take care of her I wouldnít be able to leave her.
She and I get along and she enjoys when we spend time together. Weíre rhankful for each other.

This goes beyond free rent.
My grandmother has no one to take care of her and due to years of financially supporting my mother she can lo longer afford things like home nurses and aides to make her meals and take care of her during the day.

Iím here till she passes because she can no longer afford anything else.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 07:18 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,627 posts, read 3,255,867 times
Reputation: 9310
Can she sell the house you're living in and use those proceeds to pay for in-home care? Or maybe she'd be better off in an assisted living facility? She could sell the house she's living in (with your mother) and use that money to pay for it. That would have the side benefit of forcing your mom to get her own life. And it would free up some of your time so you could start getting your own life, too.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 07:26 PM
 
2,698 posts, read 1,391,772 times
Reputation: 7250
For God’s sake don’t get pregnant.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 07:27 PM
 
Location: Follow the oil exhaust cloud until you run out of gas, then turn left
939 posts, read 277,598 times
Reputation: 1859
My grandmother's 87 and she treats her almost 70-year old daughter and 30-something grandson the same way. Hell, my mother routinely mistreats me like a three year old (see my earlier posts about dinner out in the chat threads) and even the slightest hint of dissent or protest is ultimately seen as a call to war; a behavior pattern she learned from her mother. Their adult children's independence is a foreign concept to some types of parents.

There's at least one in every family. You can't really do anything to stop it. About all you can do is cut off communication and part ways.

That said, I'd be pretty irate myself if one of my children was playing with their cell phone during "family times". Your mother was right to get upset over your poor choices. If the OP is to be believed, there are better ways for her to have expressed her displeasure.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 07:30 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,125 posts, read 6,498,237 times
Reputation: 3088
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Because you are not independent, it would benefit you to be married (even though you don't believe there is any reason to, as you are not religious, etc.). Does your boyfriend want to marry you?
Yes or else we wouldnít have been together this long.
We want to be able to get the house and the wedding we want so weíre waiting till we can do it right.
Why do you guys think Iíve waited to have kids?

I canít afford these big ticket items just yet.

TBFH Iím so glad I waited Iím so happy Iíve had my 20s all to myself. I was robbed of my adolescence and Iíve gotten to make up for that some in my 20s. I got to create the person I wanted to be, I got to change my appearance to what I wanted it to be, I got to do all the things she told me I wasnít going to be able to do.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 07:34 PM
 
Location: Follow the oil exhaust cloud until you run out of gas, then turn left
939 posts, read 277,598 times
Reputation: 1859
You can still have a civil wedding before a judge, which is still just as legally valid. You're still getting married all the same. It's not as spectacular as a full ceremony/service but it may be what you'd have to do, to get you through the time being.

It's about managing your finances and doing the best you can to get through hard times when money is limited.

You can always have a renewal of vows or a mock wedding with a full ceremony later on when you can afford it. I have friends who have been severely short of money and have done that, they had an official swearing-of-vows administered by a judge or the family priest with the judge in attendance, with a few friends and relatives in the office as witnesses, then had a purely ceremonial (albeit unofficial) wedding service with reception several years later.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 07:42 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,125 posts, read 6,498,237 times
Reputation: 3088
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel View Post
For Godís sake donít get pregnant.
Iíve been on birth control for a whole decade now pretty much and Iím planning my children for when I have a house theyíd actually have a bedroom, a house that would be safe, Iím waiting till I can afford them.
But thanks for the advice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ttark View Post
My grandmother's 87 and she treats her almost 70-year old daughter and 30-something grandson the same way. Hell, my mother routinely mistreats me like a three year old (see my earlier posts about dinner out in the chat threads) and even the slightest hint of dissent or protest is ultimately seen as a call to war; a behavior pattern she learned from her mother. Their adult children's independence is a foreign concept to some types of parents.

There's at least one in every family. You can't really do anything to stop it. About all you can do is cut off communication and part ways.

That said, I'd be pretty irate myself if one of my children was playing with their cell phone during "family times". Your mother was right to get upset over your poor choices. If the OP is to be believed, there are better ways for her to have expressed her displeasure.
I wasnít playing with my phone.
Iím an almost 30 year old woman was was replying to an effing Merry Christmas text from one of other friends whoís getting equally old as I am.

I wasnít playing Candy Crush, I wasnít snapping some nudes, I wasnít tweeting duck face selfies I was replying to someone Iíve been friends with since high school ďMerry Christmas to you too!Ē and she has to go full on psycho ***** AFTER I stayed up the 23rd to 3am to get all my stuff done so on the 24th I could help her finish wrapping gifts because for some reason with all her free time she couldnít manage to do it herself.

I busted my ass the last two weeks running myself into the ground and now Iím sick and if I donít ever get breaks. I donít get to take a day off ever. Itís like I have kids without the joy of sweet little faces and bed time stories. I get asked why I havenít gotten enough done and I get called names by my mom.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 07:45 PM
 
Location: Follow the oil exhaust cloud until you run out of gas, then turn left
939 posts, read 277,598 times
Reputation: 1859
Well, some may not see it that way. What you see as innocently responding to a text message may be viewed as useless playing and an invasion on family time by other peoples' eyes.

It's a perspective thing.

My mother calls me disparaging names too, quite a lot. As you develop mentally and emotionally you'll realise she's just doing this because she has no rational, mature or intelligent counterargument to make and she's obviously in the wrong. Name-calling never gets people anywhere.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top