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Old 12-28-2018, 07:47 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,627 posts, read 3,255,867 times
Reputation: 9310

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Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
Yes or else we wouldnít have been together this long.
We want to be able to get the house and the wedding we want so weíre waiting till we can do it right.
Why do you guys think Iíve waited to have kids?

I canít afford these big ticket items just yet.

TBFH Iím so glad I waited Iím so happy Iíve had my 20s all to myself. I was robbed of my adolescence and Iíve gotten to make up for that some in my 20s. I got to create the person I wanted to be, I got to change my appearance to what I wanted it to be, I got to do all the things she told me I wasnít going to be able to do.
I thought you've been with your boyfriend for eight years. Doesn't that mean that you were being supported by him (i.e. not building your life on your own)?

 
Old 12-28-2018, 07:48 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,125 posts, read 6,498,237 times
Reputation: 3088
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ttark View Post
You can still have a civil wedding before a judge, which is still just as legally valid. You're still getting married all the same. It's not as spectacular as a full ceremony/service but it may be what you'd have to do, to get you through the time being.

It's about managing your finances and doing the best you can to get through hard times when money is limited.

You can always have a renewal of vows or a mock wedding with a full ceremony later on when you can afford it. I have friends who have been severely short of money and have done that, they had an official swearing-of-vows administered by a judge or the family priest with the judge in attendance, with a few friends and relatives in the office as witnesses, then had a purely ceremonial (albeit unofficial) wedding service with reception several years later.
If I do that it just gives people an excuse to not have a wedding.
Heís frugal and I donít want anything huge but I just wanna go to Florida and get married on the beach, I donít even need a wedding dress or a venue, I just wanna some mimosas, pina colodas and a ton of crab. I want my immediate family and my closest friends which is like 6 people maybe, not many. Low key. Get a JOP.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,125 posts, read 6,498,237 times
Reputation: 3088
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
I thought you've been with your boyfriend for eight years. Doesn't that mean that you were being supported by him (i.e. not building your life on your own)?
Iíve only been unemployed since 2014 when I got into a car accident and he had to support us both. Youíd think if he was going to leave heíd have left by now with all that crap and having to support two people.
Iíd say heís in it for the long haul.

Heís expressed a desire to be able to afford a ring.
Even tho thereís a family heirloom that my mom doesnít need that I donít mind getting but whatever.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 07:53 PM
 
Location: Follow the oil exhaust cloud until you run out of gas, then turn left
939 posts, read 277,598 times
Reputation: 1859
Well, okay then. You came on here presumably asking for advice even though it appears your mind is already made up, so I guess I have nothing more to offer.

I'm out.
 
Old 12-28-2018, 08:10 PM
 
Location: here
24,728 posts, read 29,203,831 times
Reputation: 31802
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
Yes or else we wouldnít have been together this long.
We want to be able to get the house and the wedding we want so weíre waiting till we can do it right.
Why do you guys think Iíve waited to have kids?

I canít afford these big ticket items just yet.

TBFH Iím so glad I waited Iím so happy Iíve had my 20s all to myself. I was robbed of my adolescence and Iíve gotten to make up for that some in my 20s. I got to create the person I wanted to be, I got to change my appearance to what I wanted it to be, I got to do all the things she told me I wasnít going to be able to do.
What? What have you done that she told you you couldn't do?
 
Old 12-28-2018, 10:14 PM
 
4,548 posts, read 1,915,270 times
Reputation: 12853
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
Yes or else we wouldnít have been together this long.
We want to be able to get the house and the wedding we want so weíre waiting till we can do it right.
Why do you guys think Iíve waited to have kids?

I canít afford these big ticket items just yet.

TBFH Iím so glad I waited Iím so happy Iíve had my 20s all to myself. I was robbed of my adolescence and Iíve gotten to make up for that some in my 20s. I got to create the person I wanted to be, I got to change my appearance to what I wanted it to be, I got to do all the things she told me I wasnít going to be able to do.
I was severely sexually/verbally abused as a child, I was robbed of my childhood but I didn't make excuses at almost 30 about it...nor use it as an excuse not to grow up.
 
Old 12-29-2018, 08:34 AM
 
1,384 posts, read 1,042,007 times
Reputation: 4522
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
If I do that it just gives people an excuse to not have a wedding.
Heís frugal and I donít want anything huge but I just wanna go to Florida and get married on the beach, I donít even need a wedding dress or a venue, I just wanna some mimosas, pina colodas and a ton of crab. I want my immediate family and my closest friends which is like 6 people maybe, not many. Low key. Get a JOP.
Concentrate on the marriage not the wedding.
 
Old 12-29-2018, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,283 posts, read 22,426,241 times
Reputation: 35952
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
...I'm so glad I waited I’m so happy I’ve had my 20s all to myself. I was robbed of my adolescence and I’ve gotten to make up for that some in my 20s. I got to create the person I wanted to be, I got to change my appearance to what I wanted it to be, I got to do all the things she told me I wasn’t going to be able to do.
So who is it you've created thus far? What have you accomplished other than superficial weight loss and hair color? You continue seeing defiance of any authority at all (be it mother or supervisor or your impressions of societal or cultural expectations) as accomplishments - which is a very teenage attitude. You are not a teen anymore and are just spinning your wheels and cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
... But it's not a hopeless situation at all. Make 2019 your year to shine. You have the rest of your life ahead of you! Figure out what you need to do to get a job, set some boundaries, pay your cellphone bill, and succeed!
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
.... I get that everyone is different, but OP, you should be working full-time, saving for your future, and doing awesome things, whatever that means to you. Not living in a ramshackle old house, not working, and celebrating that your boyfriend has a bank account that he's managed to keep for a year. And certainly not putting up with a codependent and likely abusive mother. You don't have to live like this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
...Your car accident was an unfortunate setback. But it shouldn't impede your future. You can still finish your education. You can marry your boyfriend, and hopefully get enrolled on his insurance. You are living your mother's life, you just can't see it.
Ponder the above. Seriously.
 
Old 12-29-2018, 09:20 AM
 
4,548 posts, read 1,915,270 times
Reputation: 12853
Quote:
Originally Posted by anothertouchofwhimsy View Post
yep. At 29, i was married, had two children, had bought and sold my first home and purchased my second home, had moved 1,500 miles away from family, and so on. At 30, i started my own business (i stayed home full-time with the kids for 6 years; prior to that, i worked full-time). I get that everyone is different, but op, you should be working full-time, saving for your future, and doing awesome things, whatever that means to you. Not living in a ramshackle old house, not working, and celebrating that your boyfriend has a bank account that he's managed to keep for a year. And certainly not putting up with a codependent and likely abusive mother. You don't have to live like this.
x1000.
 
Old 12-29-2018, 09:52 AM
 
2,754 posts, read 1,206,998 times
Reputation: 10661
Quote:
Originally Posted by LLCNYC View Post
I was severely sexually/verbally abused as a child, I was robbed of my childhood but I didn't make excuses at almost 30 about it...nor use it as an excuse not to grow up.

Same here
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