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Old 01-04-2019, 07:01 PM
 
1 posts, read 222 times
Reputation: 10

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My daughter is being physically and mentally abused for the last 12 years, which I believe is keeping her from admitting to me that my granddaughter is also being abused. I have pictures of both with black eyes and bruises on hidden body parts.
I know that he is threatening to kill her or her family, which is keeping her from calling for help.
He’s 6 ft weights about 180 and she’s 5’ even and weighs 105-110lbs. What should I do,
I want my daughter to be able to keep her daughter but she won’t leave.
It’s also because he has guns and has threatened to use it on her and us.
I want to help them both. I have pictures and voicemails and text messages from him.
What can I do? I heard that calling CPS means my daughter might lose her & I can’t take care of her because I’m disabled.

Last edited by Steinc67; 01-04-2019 at 07:03 PM.. Reason: Forgot a sentence
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Old 01-04-2019, 09:39 PM
 
Location: Warren County and loving it!
5,115 posts, read 7,348,913 times
Reputation: 2634
You need to call the police. NOW!
She needs help and a safe house. The police will contact a shelter for her. These things do not end well. I’m not saying it will be easy for her. It won’t be.

This is what she knows. Change is scary. Especially when someone dominates your life. She probably doesn’t see it as bad as it is. She lives it and it is her normal.

You cannot do nothing though. You have to get professional help for her. As soon as possible.
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Old 01-04-2019, 10:21 PM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
6,072 posts, read 7,296,538 times
Reputation: 14654
I'm sorry to be blunt as I understand your worry, but you also won't be able to take care of your granddaughter if your daughter is killed by the madman she lives with.

Call the police. Report what you know. Your granddaughter maybe taken away temporarily, but it's not likely to be permanent. Also consider that your granddaughter will be safe being away from him. Ask yourself what is worse: the abuse of your daughter and granddaughter or a temporary separation from your granddaughter and her safety.

As an alternative tell your daughter to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233. Have her make this call from a phone the boyfriend cannot access or see the call history on. They can help her make a plan to leave and to get local help. You might also call them and ask your question. This link is for family and friends: https://www.thehotline.org/help/help...ds-and-family/
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Old 01-05-2019, 10:11 AM
 
3,617 posts, read 3,414,363 times
Reputation: 9351
If the granddaughter is under 18, call child protective services and make a report. Also, if she goes to daycare or school, call them and speak with the principal or director and let them know about what you know, so that they will make a report if she comes in with any bruises.

This is a very dangerous situation. After you call CPS, you should also call and speak with your local police department and inform them of the situation, and that the man has weapons, and that he has threatened to use them against your daughter and her family. This is probably enough that YOU could get a restraining order against him, and get his guns taken away, and get him on the background check list for firearms. Your daughter has been living with it for 12 years. She has been subjecting her own child to it for the child's entire life. I strongly doubt that your daughter is going to change. But you can save your granddaughter. Are there any other relatives with whom the girl could be placed, when CPS removes her, which they will?

It's all going to be very dangerous for all of you. The time when a woman is most likely to be killed by her abusive partner is when she has just left him. But it sounds as if this man could kill her and your granddaughter, and your daughter may choose to stay with this, but some adult needs to advocate for the grandchild, and it sounds as if that's going to have to be you.
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Old 01-05-2019, 10:36 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
35,441 posts, read 43,627,916 times
Reputation: 58789
Why have you waited 12 years! Call the professionals, and keep on calling.
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Old 01-05-2019, 10:45 AM
 
624 posts, read 215,924 times
Reputation: 2041
Does your daughter have a job? Is she able to be financially independent? Can the two of them move in with you on a temporary basis?

Call the police. Your daughter is an adult and can decide on how she wants to live, but your grand daughter needs to be protected from black eyes and abuse.
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Old 01-05-2019, 11:07 AM
 
Location: Hockey Rulez, Texas
549 posts, read 141,324 times
Reputation: 927
Contact a shelter for battered women. Take her and the grandchild to the shelter afterwards. You can contact they police when they are safe. If you cannot do that - then call the police now.
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Old Yesterday, 07:31 AM
 
1,382 posts, read 1,040,140 times
Reputation: 4507
Is your daughter ready to leave, get help and stay gone? If so call the police and they will get her to a safe place for her and her child. If she isn’t then call CPS, if your daughter can’t protect her child you need to.
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Old Today, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Texas
7,441 posts, read 2,739,969 times
Reputation: 15705
I would call CPS no matter what.
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