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Old 01-06-2019, 11:00 AM
Location: Texas
3,777 posts, read 2,986,714 times
Reputation: 6279


Originally Posted by strawflower View Post
There isn't really a question, per se. Just general discussion about the article and things like children's privacy in the digital age, consent, etc.
I remember reading a parenting blog in the Houston Chronicle written by a Mother (and occasionally the Father) that described life with their young daughter. I believe the blog started in the child's infancy and when the kid was about 7, the blogger wrote a piece and said they would be discontinuing the column per the daughter's request. They cited privacy and safety concerns as well, and thanked their readers for their support, but it was clear that the daughter's feelings on the matter were paramount.

I always enjoyed their blog, but I thought their decision to end it was spot on.
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Old 01-06-2019, 02:20 PM
3,723 posts, read 3,461,998 times
Reputation: 9801
Okay, how would the MOTHER like it if her daughter now started a blog, complete with pictures of mom, and naming mom, about a child's view of her mother's parenting style, her mother's failed friendships, her mother's marriage, her mother's work? This should have been done anonymously by mom, and if it couldn't be done anonymously, it shouldn't have been done at all. Imagine how that daughter felt, knowing that her being "dropped" by a friend was made into blog fodder, and publicly?

Yes, there is a long tradition of absolutely hilarious material written by brilliant women confined to being housewives. Shirley Jackson's "Life Among the Savages". Bettty MacDonald of Mrs. PiggleWiggle fame also wrote 4 wonderfully hilarious books about her life, and raising her daughters - the last and best of which was Onions in the Stew, but The Egg and I, The Plague and I, and Anybody Can Do Anything were pretty good, too. Sure, the people who knew the mother, read her books, and knew the kids knew amusing anecdotes about the children. But the internet is different. The reach of it is global. Once the child became aware of it, and protested, and asked the mother to stop, the mother should have done just that - STOPPED. Mom can just find a different subject to write about - perhaps her OWN private embarrassing moments, rather than those that involve her daughter?
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Old 01-07-2019, 02:03 PM
851 posts, read 622,048 times
Reputation: 3301
Most mommy bloggers are pretty harmless annoyances to their kids. They damage their privacy, but not more than the average child does to themselves eventually, and would probably quit, or proactively modify their harmful behavior when asked. IMO this one crosses the line into abuse.

1 "Iím not done exploring my motherhood in my writing. And sometimes my stories will be inextricably linked to her experiences...

2...Promising not to write about her anymore would mean shutting down a vital part of myself, which isnít necessarily good for me or her...

3...My daughter didnít ask to have a writer for a mother, but thatís who I am. Amputating parts of my experience feels as abusive to our relationship as writing about her without any consideration for her feelings and privacy...

4...I have agreed to describe to her what Iím writing about, in advance of publication, and to keep the facts that involve her to a minimum. I have not yet promised that she can edit my work, but we acknowledged that is a future possibility... "
These sure sound like the words of an abuser, who has been asked to stop an emotionally-damaging activity, and has come up with a long list of justifications why they shouldn't stop, and how it's not emotional abuse.

1&2: It's all about me. I have to hurt you to be true to myself. It's good for you that I can have this outlet which damages you.
3: I'm not abusive, you are. Asking me to stop the hurtful behavior is abusive to me and our relationship.
4: I'll make vague promises to change when you confront me, but then I'll continue the behavior while hiding it from you, and then re-escalate until we're back where we were before.

As a mature adult with a solid sense of self, I would force any spouse or family member who did this into therapy with me and a third party so they could recognize their abusive behaviour. If they still continued, I'd divorce or cut-off any person who refused to stop a behavior like this. I feel bad for this daughter, who is still developing and has no voice to stand up to the person who is supposed to be protecting her from this sort of thing. I hope the daughter has another parent, grandparent, or relation who can advocate for her, against the dismissiveness of her mother.
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Old 01-07-2019, 06:17 PM
Location: WI
2,843 posts, read 3,122,419 times
Reputation: 4925
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
I can see it both ways. On the one hand, she should respect her daughter's privacy. If her daughter was able to find the blog easily, then the girl's friends (and not-friends) will also be able to find it. On the other hand, motherhood is a vital part of who the author is and I can understand her wanting to write about it.

I'd personally draw the line at painful/embarrassing stories and photos. You can write about your life without including those things. And particularly since the child is now a pre-teen (I'm assuming she's around 10), it's good that she will check each story/image before publishing it. I didn't like her attitude of "well, I can't stop writing about you." I'm a middle-aged adult and if my mother was posting photos of me and writing a blog about me or our relationship, I would not be very happy about that.
I think that if writing were so important to her, she could just write about her experiences with motherhood in a journal read only by herself. Seems like a sensible solution- Mom can continue exploring her motherhood in writing, yet the intimate details about her child aren’t plastered all over the Internet. But the fact that she won’t do that makes me feel like it’s not really about the *writing* for her, it’s more that she doesn’t want to give up the money, clicks, publicity, etc. that comes with *publishing* these stories.
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Old 01-09-2019, 02:36 AM
Location: Dallas, Texas
8,957 posts, read 10,518,065 times
Reputation: 9386
Whether it's blogging or stories and pics on Facebook, if a kid isn't comfortable with it then it needs to stop. I learned when my kid was in her early teens (older than the child in the article) and asked me to please check with her before I posted a story about and/or photo of her. I have ever since. It's only fair.
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Old 01-15-2019, 09:02 PM
Location: planet earth
3,759 posts, read 1,343,875 times
Reputation: 8283
I think the mom's mom should write an expose on her daughter. I would read it.
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Old Today, 08:52 AM
12,650 posts, read 14,897,524 times
Reputation: 14549
Originally Posted by strawflower View Post
Either you respect someoneís privacy, or you donít. She chose not to, even after her daughter asked her to. The onus should not be on the CHILD to verbalize what details of her personal life she wants splashed across the Internet.
I agree....the mother was using her daughter for her blogs...very unkind...
Luckily for her ,her daughter is so young and probably will forgive her.
Were she any older I doubt she would ever again trust her.... and would not share anything more with her mom for fear of it being shared with the world.....a rotten thing to do....good way to destroy trust and loyalty within the family.
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