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Old 01-08-2019, 11:40 AM
 
6,192 posts, read 3,458,152 times
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You say the kid has been playing since he was four and he wasn't enjoying this season but you never indicated that your son ever enjoyed playing and you never said he started because he wanted to or you wanted him to. You were always part of the coaching, now you're not and you're not happy with the situation. Maybe you'd both be happier doing something else instead of (over)organized sports. Something to think about.
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Old 01-08-2019, 11:50 AM
 
3,555 posts, read 2,553,069 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kokonutty View Post
You say the kid has been playing since he was four and he wasn't enjoying this season but you never indicated that your son ever enjoyed playing and you never said he started because he wanted to or you wanted him to. You were always part of the coaching, now you're not and you're not happy with the situation. Maybe you'd both be happier doing something else instead of (over)organized sports. Something to think about.
He's always been happy to play sports. I don't know if that's due to the sport itself or due to the camaraderie of being around other kids (only child). Regardless, I would not remove him from sports due to one bad experience with a single ego-maniac coach. I might not have always 100% agreed with other coaches on their methods but until this year I've never once even considered pulling him from a team. And I doubt that this would ever come up again. Now that the decision has been made I feel much, much better about it all.
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Old 01-08-2019, 12:06 PM
 
Location: Raleigh
7,376 posts, read 5,489,196 times
Reputation: 10124
You learn as much playing for bad coaches as you do good ones, though not about the game, and I don't know how true that is at 7 years old.

I played various sports from kindergarten through HS and football for two years in College. My dad was mostly supportive, quiet in the stands save for a few appropriate cheers, and present though detached. He coached a few teams too, and that was fine.

The two limited times he overstepped and stuck his nose into team management/coaches business are notable dark spots that still make me feel low/bad at times. I'd stay detached, remain encouraging to your son, take him for ice cream, ask him about the game when he's done, and then let him go on his lonesome. Next year, if you can get him onto a team with a good coach, do so, even you have to nudge him a bit.

Now I'm going to have my own little rant...

What an effing goofball of a coach! I mean really...I've had some screaming hot heads, including one that got suspended from a middle school football league for being such a hothead but none were unfair with their playing time in a rec league flag football league of seven year olds! There is a time and place to learn that not everyone plays much, or gets to play every position, but a seven year old's rec league should be about equal participation in the sport.
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Old 01-08-2019, 12:25 PM
 
3,555 posts, read 2,553,069 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JONOV View Post

What an effing goofball of a coach! I mean really...I've had some screaming hot heads, including one that got suspended from a middle school football league for being such a hothead but none were unfair with their playing time in a rec league flag football league of seven year olds! There is a time and place to learn that not everyone plays much, or gets to play every position, but a seven year old's rec league should be about equal participation in the sport.
Amen. And now you know why I have decided to move on from this guy and his team. My son has already let me know how excited he is to be joining a new team rather than sitting idly on the sideline.
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Old 01-08-2019, 02:50 PM
 
1,351 posts, read 860,960 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayerdu View Post
Donít - I repeat - donít talk to the coach. There are people you can never have a rational conversation with.
This. Old, Lord, this.

And he will only take it out on your son, in front of your son's friends and teammates.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayerdu View Post

I would leave him in to finish the season. Kids need to learn sooner or later that sometimes circumstances suck but you have to work through them. As long as this guy doesnít cross a line with your son, leave him in.
Listen, empathize, encourage.

Is he having any fun just being with his friends and teammates? There is little I can tell you about playing sports at that age or even older, but remember well pizza afterwards or (years later) the fun on bus rides and such.

It is tough on an eight-year-old to think long term, but who knows where he will be athletically in two or five years. This may end up being *that* year that he will look back on as having a bad coach or got him thinking about another activity that became more important to him.

But also, he is getting exposed to *that* father, *that* coach and perhaps *that* future boss all at once. I am sure he is not the only one on the team who sees it. There is value to knowing early on that those people exist and how *not* to behave or treat people (as long - as Javerdu points out - this guy does not cross a line with your son or any of the boys .... then you will show him how to deal with *that* guy).

Listen, empathize, encourage. Try to keep a positive spin on it.
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Old 01-08-2019, 03:09 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
3,123 posts, read 1,363,468 times
Reputation: 5504
Quote:
Originally Posted by Florida2014 View Post
Update: So a neighbor manages another team in a different flag football league and has offered to accept my son onto his team, assuring me it's nothing like his current coach/team. I know this guy and he's basically the polar opposite to "The General" coach we currently have. So I have decided to transfer him to the new team. I feel like this is the best option for us for a number of reasons:

1. We're not "quitting", per se. Simply moving to a new team.
2. He will actually get to play vs. sitting on the bench watching 70% of the game.
3. Son will get better at football by, you know, actually playing.
4. Dad will not lose his mind watching games where his son does absolutely nothing for the entire hour.

Sounds like a win. Do it. Nice work Dad.
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Old 01-08-2019, 07:15 PM
 
Location: Midwest
3,933 posts, read 6,869,814 times
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I'd let your son decide. And I don't think finishing the season is important to prove some sort of commitment. The kid is eight years old, he won't remember this as an adult.

OP's kid is lucky that OP has taken this interest. My parents never came to any football or baseball game. So attaboy, dad.

I would not want my kids playing football, period. Baseball. Hockey. Tennis. Too much brain damage occurs in football, I would not go there.
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Old 01-08-2019, 07:18 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,298 posts, read 22,450,113 times
Reputation: 36014
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dwatted Wabbit View Post
I'd let your son decide. And I don't think finishing the season is important to prove some sort of commitment. The kid is eight years old, he won't remember this as an adult.

OP's kid is lucky that OP has taken this interest. My parents never came to any football or baseball game. So attaboy, dad.

I would not want my kids playing football, period. Baseball. Hockey. Tennis. Too much brain damage occurs in football, I would not go there.
The OP has indicated this is flag football not tackle.
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Old 01-08-2019, 08:34 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
40,402 posts, read 39,040,515 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Florida2014 View Post
I decided to send The General a short and non-confrontational email letting him know my son would no longer be on his team due to his inability to adhere to the league's mandated rotational guidelines.
LOL that's not "nonconfrontational" at all.

I don't know why his reply confuses you. He is who he is. Thank goodness you sent him an email, and now hopefully your son can have a better experience on this new team.

Parents manage to ruin so many kid things.
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Old 01-09-2019, 03:26 AM
 
Location: Eugene, Oregon
7,738 posts, read 2,454,770 times
Reputation: 10691
Quote:
Originally Posted by Florida2014 View Post
I did actually ask my son if he preferred to stay on the current team with The General as coach or if he preferred to switch to the new kinder/gentler team. He very enthusiastically stated he wanted to go to the new team. This is a league we've played in before that is far less competitive and truly all about fun for the kids, so I think this is a perfect fit for him currently.

Now, do I let "The General" know that he'll no longer be on his team or simply ghost them and not show up for the rest of the season? I have an urge to send him a short email with the reasons why we're leaving but in the end, it won't do anything so I am leaning towards not saying anything and simply no longer attending any games/practices.

From what you've said about "The General", I doubt he'll even notice that your son has left the team. The sad thing about this, is that about half the kids who get involved in athletics, do not show much ability until they become older. But if they have trained hard during their earlier years, they may blossom at age 14 or 15, into performers that become even better than those who were the coaches' favorites, at grade school age. But in order to maximize their success at the time, many coaches will never allow those whose abilities mature later, to have a chance.

There's a developmental phenomenon that affects some boys, where they mature early and gain more size and muscular strength than the others, at age 12 or 13. They often become the star players at that age and the coaches show great preference for them. But the early maturity cuts short their growing years and by age 15 or 16, they are often smaller than the others, who have caught up and surpassed them in size and strength. A lot of potentially good athletes never develop their full abilities, because of that early neglect by the coaches. I've seen a parallel thing happen with some students in academics, as well.

One solution for those who mature later, is to train on their own, doing things to develop strength, speed and skill. Often, there may be others like them, who can get together for self-organized practices and competition.
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