U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-08-2019, 08:58 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
8,393 posts, read 7,703,139 times
Reputation: 17773

Advertisements

Your daughter is a grown woman completely capable of telling her boyfriend NO!

Butt out mom, not your circus, not your monkeys.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-08-2019, 09:37 PM
 
1,045 posts, read 704,348 times
Reputation: 3732
Quote:
Originally Posted by EricaComstock View Post
He hasn't even committed to her in asking for her hand in marriage.
This makes no sense. It's time for her to find another boyfriend, imho
Getting pregnant with this man child will not produce that child a loving father which we all need
This,
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-09-2019, 03:14 AM
 
5,189 posts, read 2,339,212 times
Reputation: 13227
Kudos for the Guy expressing HIS desire and willingness to Be at home to tend to the child.
I'd suggest he adopt on his own without the gals desire to play the "its my body, my decision".
If she doesn't want kids so be it. Doesn't mean he has to stop following his grown up choice.

Glad we live in an era where there are options when one of them isn't parenting material.

OP- for you I can imagine your restless nights will wither away..and somber sleep will arrive. Rest well.Sounds like your daughter is heading to single life soon...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-09-2019, 04:29 AM
 
Location: Ohio
14,491 posts, read 12,838,854 times
Reputation: 19595
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
Kudos for the Guy expressing HIS desire and willingness to Be at home to tend to the child.
I'd suggest he adopt on his own without the gals desire to play the "its my body, my decision".
If she doesn't want kids so be it. Doesn't mean he has to stop following his grown up choice.

Glad we live in an era where there are options when one of them isn't parenting material.

OP- for you I can imagine your restless nights will wither away..and somber sleep will arrive. Rest well.Sounds like your daughter is heading to single life soon...
Yes, heaven forbid the daughter, who has to bear the brunt of bringing a child into the world, has the audacity to decide when she is comfortable taking that step.

Boyfriend sounds very self-centered, giving no consideration to the daughter who just started a new job, not the optimal time to enter into a pregnancy and all that it entails, especially the amount of work she would have to miss.

A grown up man would realize that waiting a year or two, allowing his girlfriend to establish herself career wise, is the wise thing to do. Boyfriend hasn't even given a thought to the increased stress and anxiety entering into a pregnancy at this time would cause the daughter, and how it would effect a pregnancy. HE wants what HE want's right now, never mind the consequences.

Time for the daughter to dump this loser in favor of a grown up man who is capable of empathy and can think in the long term instead of an impatient boy who is only thinking of his immediate gratification.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-09-2019, 06:13 AM
 
3,310 posts, read 1,347,217 times
Reputation: 6664
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie53 View Post
Yes, heaven forbid the daughter, who has to bear the brunt of bringing a child into the world, has the audacity to decide when she is comfortable taking that step.

Boyfriend sounds very self-centered, giving no consideration to the daughter who just started a new job, not the optimal time to enter into a pregnancy and all that it entails, especially the amount of work she would have to miss.

A grown up man would realize that waiting a year or two, allowing his girlfriend to establish herself career wise, is the wise thing to do. Boyfriend hasn't even given a thought to the increased stress and anxiety entering into a pregnancy at this time would cause the daughter, and how it would effect a pregnancy. HE wants what HE want's right now, never mind the consequences.

Time for the daughter to dump this loser in favor of a grown up man who is capable of empathy and can think in the long term instead of an impatient boy who is only thinking of his immediate gratification.
Right. Starting a new career is stressful, and many women donít want to start and then get pregnant right away. My sister started her current job after staying at home with her baby for 9 months and it worked out much better than it would have for her to be there < a year, get pregnant, and then take some time off for maternity leave. The reality is that even if he stays home with the baby longer term, the daughter will still need some maternity leave to recover from birth and delivery and to take care of the baby for the first couple of months.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-09-2019, 02:06 PM
 
Location: Watervliet, NY
3,857 posts, read 1,315,345 times
Reputation: 7067
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
Sounds like your daughter is heading to single life soon...
Yeah, and....? It is much better to be single and make your own choices in life than to have those choices rammed down your throat by an SO who just won't listen. He has a lot of damn brass trying to make that decision for OP's daughter. If this guy wants kids so badly, he needs to find himself a woman who wants the same.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-09-2019, 02:26 PM
 
3,646 posts, read 3,423,519 times
Reputation: 9472
It sounds to me as if they have a very basic incompatibility. He wants children and she doesn't. She should break up with him, and find someone who doesn't want children.

I hope that she is the one taking responsibility for contraception, in a method that cannot be sabotaged.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-09-2019, 02:47 PM
 
Location: Pacific Northwest
187 posts, read 68,034 times
Reputation: 688
One more thing to bring up. When I first started dating it was really easy to bring all my problems about my dating life to my parents. I didn't realize it because I was just venting to people I've always trusted and felt better after talking to....but the last people I should have been discussing personal information to were my parents simply because they did the same thing you did; they started to ignore all the good things and cling to the personal problems I revilied in my owe personal frustrations. They never got the whole story of my full arguments with my boyfriend (something I should have never been discussing with them as it broke my partners trust that I would keep private personal details about our relationship) and pretty soon everything he did was wrong and they even started to doubt me when I tried reassuring them that we were fine after fixing our problems. It's not fair to anyone since this isn't a relationship between your parents, your partner and you...and I'm sure your parents didn't discuss or overshare portions of their relationships that would upset you (and if they did it probably felt similar to this if one of them tried to pull you into the fight)

Everyone has moments in relationships were you don't see eye to eye and its normal to want to vent and let out your frustrations on someone other the the one you're having problems with. The issue is that your daughter needs to work her own relationship and life out as it helps HER not you. You are not involved with their household or relationship. You do not know what discussions they had in the past about children or know the boyfriends side of the discussion (nor are you intimate or in a relationship with him so your perspective will never be the same as your daughters). Your getting one emotional side of the conversation, a side you have a vested interest to defend and side with no matter what goes on in the background.

Like your daughter I have some anxiety issues and my family was my refuge in times of great stress or when I had any kind of problem. And like you my parents started to form bad feelings and ideas of my partners which later I realized where much more intense and not fair to them. I was upset about a little fight where both of us were emotional and miscommunicating with each other, a fight that would end by the end of the day. But by me running to my parents after every fight they got a completely different impression and ended up making my relationship more strained as my partner found out and felt betrayed that I would share intimate and to him extremely personal details that could never be explained properly to people outside our relationship. It's unfair to everyone because no one is getting the full story only the emotions and bits of a complexe and personal situation.

While your support and advice is welcome your daughter has to make life decisions on her own and relationships are where she'll struggle the most of she continues to simply vent to you then turn around and try to continue life as it was. Stressing her mother and bring up personal details of her relationship will not help her, her boyfriend or you.

Also have a bit of respect for the boyfriend who I see as having every right to ask about children while in a stable relationship; maybe he worries your daughter won't want to have a child while climbing up the career ladder higher in which case now is the right time allowing her to receive maternity leave easier and return to work without significant disruption to her work and enabling him to maximize his time with the child saving money at home). Once again we don't know what discussions or past conversations they had about stuff in the past nor do we know much of anything about your daughters relationship other then when she vents. Again, their relationship is theirs and no one but them can really understand what's going on and where they stand and why. All we can do is work on you and them on getting help working on the mental and emotional health issues floating around as well as rebuilding the personal relationships.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-09-2019, 02:48 PM
 
Location: Ohio
14,491 posts, read 12,838,854 times
Reputation: 19595
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
It sounds to me as if they have a very basic incompatibility. He wants children and she doesn't. She should break up with him, and find someone who doesn't want children.

I hope that she is the one taking responsibility for contraception, in a method that cannot be sabotaged.
We don't know that. We know she didn't want them while going through school or right after starting her first job out of school........and that is not an unreasonable position.

She may very well want children once her work life has settled down.....she has time, she is in her early 30's not 40's.

That said, I agree with you, they are incompatible and they should break up....and yes, she needs to be careful with her contraception.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-09-2019, 04:35 PM
 
16 posts, read 8,254 times
Reputation: 39
He is not saying, "let's get married and start a family", he's just wants to make a baby to prove his manhood. My 36 year old daughter has 3 kids, never married, never engaged nor really have been in a committed relationship where the guy put her first. She struggles financially and the kids rarely see their fathers, yeah 3 different men.

It's hard to disengage when you see a train wreck approaching, but all you can do is explain to her the pitfalls and then let her suffer her bad choices. Its how we grow.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top