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Old 01-09-2019, 05:27 PM
 
Location: Southern California
20,748 posts, read 6,939,517 times
Reputation: 13967

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Quote:
Originally Posted by claytonmom View Post
My mom gave me some incredible advice... donít share your relationship problems with your mom (unless it is REALLY bad, like abuse, etc). Couples all face problems, and you are seeing only one side of it. It is hard, almost impossible, for a mom to forgive someone that they feel has wronged their child. These problems may be big, or your daughter may be just venting, and you and getting more and more worked up about it. This may interfere with the your relationship with him in the future.

I would suggest that they see a counselor to help them work through their issues.
I was just going to post something to this effect. An adult daughter does NOT need to share these issues with mom. Mom only worries more and that is not good. We don't need that with our adult children. It's tough enough as we do this anyway until we are gone.

Daughter needs to say NO, break off the relationship or get married and start that family.

My daughter had an abortion in her late teens and didn't tell me until some yrs later. Glad she didn't, the bf and she took care of what they needed to do.
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Old 01-09-2019, 06:16 PM
 
757 posts, read 183,504 times
Reputation: 2200
Nothing for you to do about it. This is something your daughter must handle on her own. If she brings it up to you again, suggest a counselor. Tell her she needs an unbiased person to help her and/or the BF. On the face of it, it seems like a split would be the best option, but there may be things she isn't telling you, and we don't know the BF's side of things.
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Old 01-09-2019, 06:54 PM
 
7,492 posts, read 3,109,213 times
Reputation: 10338
Whatís the rush to have a baby? Take things slow and give yourself time to save for this baby. Your life is going to change. Some say for the better others would disagree..
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Old 01-09-2019, 08:57 PM
 
3,724 posts, read 3,464,589 times
Reputation: 9822
From the background that the OP gave about all the mental illness in the family, it sounds as if NOT having children might be an excellent choice. And OP never said that her daughter wants to ever have children.

But.... it does seem that a man pressuring a woman that he's not even made the commitment of marriage to, to have a child with him, is a man that she should not be with.
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Old 01-10-2019, 08:56 AM
 
58 posts, read 10,716 times
Reputation: 134
If she does not want a baby, then she should NOT have one.


And when she is ready to have a baby, it should be with her HUSBAND.


She should dump the boyfriend and move on. With her degree and job, he is not in the same socio-economic class she is anyway.
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Old 01-10-2019, 12:50 PM
 
Location: State of Denial
1,761 posts, read 841,009 times
Reputation: 9090
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
Kudos for the Guy expressing HIS desire and willingness to Be at home to tend to the child.
I'd suggest he adopt on his own without the gals desire to play the "its my body, my decision".
If she doesn't want kids so be it. Doesn't mean he has to stop following his grown up choice.

Glad we live in an era where there are options when one of them isn't parenting material.

OP- for you I can imagine your restless nights will wither away..and somber sleep will arrive. Rest well.Sounds like your daughter is heading to single life soon...


But he DOESN'T want to "be at home to tend to the child". That's the whole point.


Here's a direct quote from the OP's first post: "She said she told him that if they had a baby he would have to stay home and take care of it. He said he wouldn't be willing to do that."


Sure doesn't sound like "desire and willingness to be at home to tend to the child", hmmmm?


Try reading it again.
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Old 01-10-2019, 01:25 PM
 
Location: Southern California
20,748 posts, read 6,939,517 times
Reputation: 13967
Sounds like he wants to keep and control the woman by having a child between them....sick thinking and controlling.
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Old 01-10-2019, 02:40 PM
 
740 posts, read 253,721 times
Reputation: 930
Girlfriend is in charge of the money and procreation, and hasn't committed to boyfriend as in marriage. Boyfriend needs to smell the coffee, find a like minded partner who will commit to having a family with him. This girlfriend is gonna run the clock so she can stay in charge.
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Old 01-10-2019, 02:43 PM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
11,495 posts, read 11,851,169 times
Reputation: 17922
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron61 View Post
This is boyfriends way of controlling your daughter. She needs to remove this jerk from her life yesterday. No offense, but your daughter was able to graduate college and land a great job but canít see what a loser this guy is? Címon man!
The guy needs to dump this girl ASAP. If he wants a family, she is not the one to do it with. She wants to be a consumer, not a mother.
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Old 01-10-2019, 03:30 PM
 
5,789 posts, read 4,611,458 times
Reputation: 11542
Quote:
Originally Posted by claytonmom View Post
My mom gave me some incredible advice... donít share your relationship problems with your mom (unless it is REALLY bad, like abuse, etc). Couples all face problems, and you are seeing only one side of it. It is hard, almost impossible, for a mom to forgive someone that they feel has wronged their child. These problems may be big, or your daughter may be just venting, and you and getting more and more worked up about it. This may interfere with the your relationship with him in the future.

I would suggest that they see a counselor to help them work through their issues.
yep - given the same advice by my mom
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