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Old Yesterday, 09:38 PM
 
1,540 posts, read 1,453,330 times
Reputation: 2067

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ExNooYawk2 View Post
Calling him a 'bum' isn't something done lightly. It's not easy on a forum like this to list his various transgressions but I'll highlight the latest (last) one: he communicated to my daughter's entire family that 'in future, if you wish to contact her in any way, you are to do it through me. I will be monitoring all her family interactions'. Needless to say, that fell flat.
Based on the previous interaction, resulting in all of you basically disowning her, I donít see a problem with her husband being protective of her and her feelings. Overall, the situation wasnít handled well by your or your other children. Perhaps she is suffering from a mental health crisis altering her perceptions and recollections but basically cross examining her and ostracizeing her, in the way your family had, is in no way beneficial to any of you but mostly her.
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Old Today, 08:27 AM
 
Location: Camberville
11,569 posts, read 16,285,088 times
Reputation: 18523
Quote:
Originally Posted by ExNooYawk2 View Post
Calling him a 'bum' isn't something done lightly. It's not easy on a forum like this to list his various transgressions but I'll highlight the latest (last) one: he communicated to my daughter's entire family that 'in future, if you wish to contact her in any way, you are to do it through me. I will be monitoring all her family interactions'. Needless to say, that fell flat.
Sounds like he's protecting her from her bums of a family to me.

In your other posts, you seem very focused on what she said when she was a teenager. I'll give you my own experience: I was raped when I was 17, ended up pregnant as a result, and miscarried. I only told 3 people - the two police officers who didn't believe me and someone who I thought was a good friend. Because that "friend" started some gossip and rumors about how I was lying about it not being consensual, I denied, denied, denied what was happening. Had my parents asked me, I likely would have said something similar to what your daughter said. When people asked me point blank if I had been raped after hearing the rumors, I denied it. It is truly heinous to be violated in such a way and to feel that kind of vulnerability, and many of us who have been through it are not able to accept or process what happened until many years later.

If you immediately jump to the "BUT SHE HAD SUCH A GOOD HOME" defense, I can understand why she would not have felt comfortable talking to you as a teenager.

Many of my friends are still Facebook friends with my rapist. My brother knew him. I doubt any have a clue. I'm only a few years younger than your daughter and I remember very well the culture when we were in high school. Rape victims were generally not believed (my experience reporting my rape only to meet brick walls seemed to be about the norm rather than the horrible exception). It was nothing like today. This article struck a chord with me and, based on my Facebook comments when I shared it, a LOT of women experienced horrible things that have stuck with them that they never told anyone about because they didn't want to end up like this girl: https://www.washingtonpost.com/graph...=.72fd892fba2d Girls knew not to talk about it because they would be doubted, shamed, and ostracized in many communities. You only talked about your rape if it was a stranger pulling you into an alley, not a friend or a date.

I also question the judgment of asking her friends if they believed/knew she was raped. Did you ask her before you did that? I can't even begin to imagine how I would respond if my high school friend's parents reached out because they didn't believe she was raped. I certainly wouldn't have told them what I really thought because that's wildly out of bounds.
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