U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-22-2019, 08:11 AM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
6,165 posts, read 7,376,015 times
Reputation: 14909

Advertisements

One of my biggest difficulties with my children making their own lives was related to being able to physically be with them if they were suddenly very sick or in an accident. I think it's the first parental instinct that kicks in when they are born: to physically protect and care for them. Staying connected to them has been relatively easy. Keeping my life filled has also been easier than I thought it would be. It's been a relief to not worry about getting them to a practice or feeding them or tracking schedules. Sleeping in on weekends or just hanging out at home is delightful.

My kids are 3 years apart so the empty nest was gradual. We live about 30 minutes from a Big Ten university. Both attended that university with great scholarships, and both lived on campus. They didn't come home more than any of their peers though. It was just easier to get them home during breaks, and I would occasionally drop off food for them during exam periods. It was also easier knowing I could be with them if needed. That said, they both graduated in 3 years so I only had 6 years to mentally prepare instead of 8.

When the younger one was in high school I began taking online classes to change careers so that my new career started about the same time he graduated from high school. It's kept me busy most of the time.

Because they were both nearby the college years were not so difficult. Our older one lives about 1.5 hours away so it's not mentally difficult. The younger one moving 1600 miles away was tough. Something about knowing I could not physically be with him if he was very sick or injured for at least 6-8 hours flying/travel time made it a more difficult adjustment. I spent many weekend days that first summer out by our pool drinking mojitos to sort of mask the difficulty. Not a healthy way to adjust, but it helped at the time, and I loaded up on vitamin D from the sunshine.

I've gotten used to it though. We typically visit him once a year, and he comes home for the holidays. We try to do family Skype calls periodically with all 4 of us on at the same time. My husband and I group text them funny stories or other stuff. They will do the same, so we keep in touch. Husband and son text each other while watching football or basketball also. I also know that the two kids and son-in-law will text each other and keep in touch. It helps to know that they are there for each other also. I call them each about once every week or two to check in with them. We've also taken a couple of family trips, including our son-in-law also. We all meet in the same city. We traveled separately for one trip. The other coincided with a visit home from our younger child so we traveled together. When the younger one was home for the holidays all 5 of us decided on the next trip we'll do together. We're not sure of the time frame yet as our son is thinking about changing jobs and moving back to the Midwest. We'll see what happens over the next few months with that and decide on a time.

There have been many positives. My husband and I have been able to travel without worrying about school schedules. It's great because it allows us to go places at off peak times so it's less crowded, cheaper, etc. My husband and I intentionally took some steps to reconnect as a couple as they were leaving the house. There also is no waiting up and worrying about them not being home at night so that is a mental relief.

We have thought about downsizing. The house is really too big. The issue is that we love our current location. We have a lot of privacy that would be difficult to replicate. The other issue is that a downsized house in our current town would probably cost more than remaining in our house. We're not willing to pay more for less space and less privacy right now. Maybe in 10 years we'll consider it. Who knows.

I know grandchildren are at least 3 or more years in the future. I'm looking forward to that phase of our life, but the timing isn't under my control so it can't be a filler.

I recently told a younger relative with grade school age children that one learns the real meaning of the word "bittersweet" when the nest empties. You know you've done a great job, but darn it, you miss them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-22-2019, 08:39 AM
 
633 posts, read 504,573 times
Reputation: 856
I was still working when our son left home for college then the military. So I was busy had very little time to think about it. When I retired there were grandchildren so they kept me busy. Now they are becoming teens I am getting to use to not having them over as much. I exercise daily, do genealogy, hubby and I spend time daily together. We stay involved with our church.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-22-2019, 10:38 AM
 
Location: Ohio
4,495 posts, read 1,615,828 times
Reputation: 3572
Quote:
Originally Posted by wilsonthedog View Post
Not quite there, but real close

They are my world, sports, tutoring, studying time on weekends, trips, dinners, movie nights, college visits, more college visits, more studying, test prep, what do you do when they are almost gone?

Just wondering what ya'll did? It is rough!!

Start preparing to be your parent's caregivers, since that is usually the next logical step in the progression.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-22-2019, 10:56 AM
Status: "waiting for God," I am female" (set 25 days ago)
 
Location: Northern panhandle WV
2,858 posts, read 1,976,772 times
Reputation: 6066
the only time we had an empty nest was before my first child was born and two years that we moved away from all family for husband to work a job in CA. other than that all of the 50 years we have been married we have had one or more adult children living with us. We currently have My eldest son, my youngest son, his wife and two children.
Those two years in CA were great from the empty nest side of things.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-22-2019, 11:49 AM
 
8,414 posts, read 5,747,972 times
Reputation: 15712
Quote:
Originally Posted by wilsonthedog View Post
Not quite there, but real close

They are my world, sports, tutoring, studying time on weekends, trips, dinners, movie nights, college visits, more college visits, more studying, test prep, what do you do when they are almost gone?

Just wondering what ya'll did? It is rough!!
We gave them the education and the tools, so:

We had a party and celebrated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-22-2019, 01:47 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,034 posts, read 22,369,183 times
Reputation: 46403
Quote:
Originally Posted by tottsieanna View Post
It wasn't easy at first and was a bit of sadness , but it's a good sign that we raised our children to grow up in to adults who are independent and pursuing their goals.
Yes. This is the "Silver Lining", if there ever was one.

I hear people complain about "boomerang kids", who go away to college, graduate and return to their old bedroom.

Secretly, I admit to being slightly jealous. I am mostly joking.

Worse, I hear about people who's children graduate from high school and never leave. Sometimes they are coaxed into attending a community college. Sometimes they graduate and sometimes not. Sometimes they work at low level jobs with no chance of ever supporting themselves.
Basically, a "Failure to Launch".

I'm happy that I did something right and they wanted to go away to college, displayed ambition for themselves and in the case of my son, are completely self sufficient.

However that's THEM.

Some parents, particularly mothers, are effected greatly by this. I am one of them.

Two years ago, after my eldest's college graduation, I had always expected to drive home with him, and his diploma in the car. I figured that he would come home, look for a job in his field and live rent free, while enjoying the comforts of home.

That weekend he told us that he had landed a job in a city near where he attended college that stemmed from an internship he had. Everything he said made sense. It was a good opportunity, I would have told him to grab it myself.

The nine hour drive home from New England to OH was perhaps the loneliest drive I have ever taken. Fortunately, my husband had an idea - we spent a week at a mountain resort in Upstate NY. We hiked, kayaked, I pampered myself at the spa. Now we return there every summer.

It was a nice week, but I still went home "empty handed" so to speak.

The thing is, everyone has different levels of support and different finances.

Not everyone can take a multitude of cruises, trips to tropical Islands, enroll in classes at their local university, or other suggestions people make.

Many people become depressed when they lose their jobs. For those of us who put twenty or more of our best years into parenting, while maintaining a part time job, as I did, it's difficult.

My husband also works a lot. He NEVER wants to retire. He does not care much for travel, and he loves his work. He has a home office, so even when he is home, he's always tempted by work.

It was always this way, but with children and teens at home, it was more difficult to notice.

It's been two years now, and I am adjusting to this, to some extent.

We are not originally from this area, and I have made acquaintances - but not friends. I've eased my loneliness by making more trips back to the east coast to visit friends.

My situation may be unique because I do not live where I grew up. I am sure I am not the "only one" though. Ohio is beautiful, has a low cost of living, and it's a great place to raise children.
However, we may have to move back east.

I've knows others who's kids have moved to places they deem "more exciting" who have had to do this. I really did not want to. I am going to give it a couple of years, and see what happens.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-22-2019, 01:51 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,034 posts, read 22,369,183 times
Reputation: 46403
Quote:
Originally Posted by mike1003 View Post
We gave them the education and the tools, so:

We had a party and celebrated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But that's YOU. The OP is not "cerebrating" at all. Everyone is effected differently by this event.

I wish that everyone who is boasting about throwing a party, and changing the locks etc. would just show a little compassion.

I am happy that this was your experience - but it has not been mine - or the OP's.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-22-2019, 06:58 PM
 
71 posts, read 67,109 times
Reputation: 53
Great comments and thanks

I'm sure we will get through it in time!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-25-2019, 02:54 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
15,377 posts, read 24,271,106 times
Reputation: 20258
empty nest = happy nest.




loved it...........


you can come visit, but go home.....


ofcourse grand kids are fun, but they go home.






lolololol
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-25-2019, 02:57 PM
 
Location: Southeast Michigan
1,061 posts, read 905,395 times
Reputation: 1173
CELEBRATE!!! Wooooohooooo!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top