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Old 01-25-2019, 03:36 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
35,801 posts, read 43,960,468 times
Reputation: 59446

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I enjoyed passing the empty bedrooms and seeing they were just as tidy as the day before.

One sad, pathetic thing we did was keep attending the high school sports that my youngest had been a part of. We soon realized that we weren’t a part of that anymore, and life goes on.
Eventually, there’s a new normal, but it doesn’t happen overnight.

Our youngest son was 11 years younger than the next one, and he was a joy, but truthfully, rather spoiled. When he went off to college it was kind of a relief to put ourselves first.
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Old 01-25-2019, 07:13 PM
 
Location: Raleigh NC
5,353 posts, read 4,757,019 times
Reputation: 13514
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
We are going to move, so they can't find us.
I tried that, but I moved to the beach so she was willing to go the extra mile to find me. She flunked out of her first semester of college and moved home. She is now going to the local U part time. Says she has a job but has yet to go to work. She lays around and sleeps a lot. Last weekend my home was invaded by 3 friends from her old college. As per her usual, she asked if one friend could visit and the other two were just luggage.

I was lonely for 4 months without her but also grateful for the opportunity to bury myself in my new job. Now she is back sometimes she is too up in my face and I have to shoo her away. Other times she ignores me completely. Sometimes she is way too much like her father who was miserable to live with.

I love the stuffing out of her but all things considered I'd rather live with a man who is willing to do his share of the chores.
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Old 01-25-2019, 10:57 PM
Status: "Happy Winter!" (set 15 days ago)
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
85,818 posts, read 100,464,960 times
Reputation: 32268
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
I enjoyed passing the empty bedrooms and seeing they were just as tidy as the day before.

One sad, pathetic thing we did was keep attending the high school sports that my youngest had been a part of. We soon realized that we weren’t a part of that anymore, and life goes on.
Eventually, there’s a new normal, but it doesn’t happen overnight.


Our youngest son was 11 years younger than the next one, and he was a joy, but truthfully, rather spoiled. When he went off to college it was kind of a relief to put ourselves first.
The bold, yes! Our kids had been involved in gymnastics for about 12 years total when our youngest graduated. We really missed it at first, but by the second year after her graduation, we didn't go to meets any more. We did continue to go to football games because we knew some neighbor kids on the team and another neighbor was a coach. Yes, the new normal happens, over time.
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Old 01-26-2019, 11:29 AM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
9,816 posts, read 13,710,237 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wilsonthedog View Post
Not quite there, but real close

They are my world, sports, tutoring, studying time on weekends, trips, dinners, movie nights, college visits, more college visits, more studying, test prep, what do you do when they are almost gone?

Just wondering what ya'll did? It is rough!!
Have you ever thought about doing those things as a part of the Big Brother Big Sisters program or something similar? It might help you fill a gap while helping a child at the same time.
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Old 01-26-2019, 10:01 PM
 
746 posts, read 1,025,100 times
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My kids were twins and both went to college the same day. I didn't know how I was going to handle that. Our house was always the hangout. We were very involved parents. I dreaded the day we dropped them off. My husband and I missed them terribly but we got use to "our" life quickly. We loved when they called and we didn't answer and we got, "Where were you?'

They left for college and never really returned. They stayed in college town during the summer. I'm extremely proud of our children. They both moved out of state after college. One for a job and one for grad school. Ironically, I had an acquaintance that made fun of me because when our kids were 9 or 10 because I wouldn't send my kids to 4 weeks of sleep away camp. SHe told me her children were very mature and this would prepare them for the future. (Her kids have moved home several times or else would be homeless- have never really held jobs, etc.).

Fast forward. Our children are 28. We recently retired and moved to the state where our daughter and her family live.
We don't really have any other family and we didn't live where we grew up, so it was an easy decision. Our daughter is thrilled. Our son is in the military, so he moves every 2 years. Our biggest delema right now is that we plan an extended vacation with friends every 2 years. There is a possibility our son will be in Japan next year, so we can't book the vacation in case he is stationed in Japan. (we can't afford an extended vacation and a trip to Japan in the same year).

Best of luck to you. You will do fine. The anticipation was awful.
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Old 01-27-2019, 09:03 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
25,519 posts, read 60,960,338 times
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We have struggled with the empty nest issue. It is difficult.

One or more of them have come back to live at home here and there. That helps, but it is different now. They are as much a tenant as a child. They have their own things to do. Sometimes if one is staying with us, we may not see them for weeks at a time due to schedule and other issues.

We made a plan to focus on. Since the kids are mostly moving to distant states, we are working towards getting rid of the house and buying a nice RV when we retire. That way we can go hang out with them, but not so often we overstay our welcome.

This requires a lot: Studying RV lifestyle and making about a billion choices, attending RV events to get to know how it all works and learn about options, downsize! My goal is it get rid of 10% of our "stuff" each year for the next eight years. Getting the house ready to sell. For us this is mega huge. We have more issues to address than most people, our house is 182 years old, and we got busy with kid stuff and never finished restoring it.

We also dived back into some of our hobbies more. For me that is writing, SCA, bicycling, manual labor (like splitting logs or fixing things outside. I also realized this is kind of my last chance to get into decent physical shape before things really start falling apart.
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Old 01-28-2019, 10:59 AM
 
Location: Warren County and loving it!
5,129 posts, read 7,383,983 times
Reputation: 2663
Empty nest syndrome is very real. It’s a grieving of sorts. I went through it terribly. Saw it coming six months before it was here. Thankfully my husband was more looking forward to it. He was very sensitive to what I was feeling.
To make matters even worse, the day after I dropped my twins off at school, I had to put my dog down. He was at the very end of his life. My twins were homesick so I didn’t tell them for a couple weeks. Partly for them and partly because I felt so much loss.
The weekend after we left them and said goodbye to our dog, my husband arranged for us to just take off for the weekend, visiting distant family. It was a very good thing. Here we were traveling by ourselves for the first time in 21 years.

We had a very good time.

There is no magic to get past it. I have no words of advice. It is an awful lot like grieving a loss. It’s a loss of your normal life. You now learn a new normal. Just don’t think you’re nuts because you’re hurt. It’s ok to feel sad. You’ve earned it. You’ve also earned the opportunity to create your new normal. It’s so easy to say oh, you’ll get over it. It doesn’t feel that way when it’s fresh. I promise it does get better.
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Old 01-28-2019, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
25,519 posts, read 60,960,338 times
Reputation: 28420
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
I enjoyed passing the empty bedrooms and seeing they were just as tidy as the day before.

One sad, pathetic thing we did was keep attending the high school sports that my youngest had been a part of. We soon realized that we weren’t a part of that anymore, and life goes on.
Eventually, there’s a new normal, but it doesn’t happen overnight.

Our youngest son was 11 years younger than the next one, and he was a joy, but truthfully, rather spoiled. When he went off to college it was kind of a relief to put ourselves first.
My dad still attends all of the basketball games at my old high school. I never even attended them when I went there. He also goes to football games and plays. He is 88.
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Old 01-28-2019, 03:21 PM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
25,519 posts, read 60,960,338 times
Reputation: 28420
We find we miss a lot of things. Some of our kids were gifted musicians and it was wonderful having live choral or trumpet, clarinet, flute guitar, organ etc music on a regular basis. We miss that a lot.

Also after five kids and a ton of pets, the silence in our house now is deafening.

On the plus side, I bought a bag of salt and vinegar chips and left them on the kitchen island. I came back the next day and they were still there!
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Old 02-03-2019, 08:26 PM
 
43 posts, read 17,919 times
Reputation: 60
I ended up volunteering at a nearby theatre as an usher. You meet lots of people and get to
be entertained at the same time.
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