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Old 01-26-2019, 10:33 PM
 
1,059 posts, read 712,359 times
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Or even better help raise the baby or put the child up for adoption.
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Old 01-26-2019, 10:59 PM
 
Location: SC
37 posts, read 5,345 times
Reputation: 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by karen_in_nh_2012 View Post
Having a kid is THE most life-changing thing a person can do ... yet so many take it so freakin' lightly. It makes me a bit crazy because it seems so, well, stupid. No other word for it.

OP, I don't know what to tell you. I would be incredibly disappointed in my kid as well. I think an abortion would be in order, since your daughter and her cheating BF (that she's trying to hold on to? WHY???) don't seem ready to be parents -- but I suspect that ship has sailed.

And "god" and "the devil"? Ugh. They don't exist. Don't blame them. This is simply regular people making stupid decisions, which unfortunately will cause problems for yet another generation.

I wish you luck ... seriously.
You are the closet post that totally GET where I am coming from
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Old 01-26-2019, 11:02 PM
 
Location: SC
37 posts, read 5,345 times
Reputation: 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by tottsieanna View Post
Or even better help raise the baby or put the child up for adoption.
I have no problem help raising the kid. The kid is not so much the problem. The problem is my daughter being caught up now that she is throwing logic to the wind for a boy and his circus family
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Old 01-26-2019, 11:23 PM
 
Location: Eugene, Oregon
7,887 posts, read 2,499,251 times
Reputation: 10980
You didn't tell us anything about the young man, himself. You just expressed disapproval of his mother's behavior. Are you not unfairly including him in your bad feelings towards her or are there things about him, you didn't tell us? From what you've said, you controlled your daughter's life strictly for 18 years, but now that time is past. Is your loss of control what is really bothering you more, than having your daughter start a relationship and family on her own terms?
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Old Yesterday, 12:02 AM
 
Location: SC
37 posts, read 5,345 times
Reputation: 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve McDonald View Post
You didn't tell us anything about the young man, himself. You just expressed disapproval of his mother's behavior. Are you not unfairly including him in your bad feelings towards her or are there things about him, you didn't tell us? From what you've said, you controlled your daughter's life strictly for 18 years, but now that time is past. Is your loss of control what is really bothering you more, than having your daughter start a relationship and family on her own terms?
The loss of control is not what bothers me in the least. I gave my daughter too much freedom The fact that she has no job, because she quit her job, thinking she was going into the Airforce. The BF supposedly gets a VA check for going to school, which he has been in school in a Welding and HVAC program since I met him a year ago. His mother had a talk with me about my teen daughter giving her son direction when they first started dating. Which confused me because why in the hell would she request that of my daughter. She herself has told me he is lazy. Their household has three incomes and they are renting, and they always seem broke to me.

I don't mean to judge, but these are Loser qualities across the board to me. Hell, the BF can't EVEN get in the military. So Id say, ahhhh, my daughter has chosen poorly or could have waited to start a family because these "Terms" sound like Loser to me
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Old Yesterday, 04:26 AM
 
Location: NJ
9,679 posts, read 20,617,636 times
Reputation: 7038
Quote:
Originally Posted by karen_in_nh_2012 View Post
Having a kid is THE most life-changing thing a person can do ... yet so many take it so freakin' lightly. It makes me a bit crazy because it seems so, well, stupid. No other word for it.

OP, I don't know what to tell you. I would be incredibly disappointed in my kid as well. I think an abortion would be in order, since your daughter and her cheating BF (that she's trying to hold on to? WHY???) don't seem ready to be parents -- but I suspect that ship has sailed.

And "god" and "the devil"? Ugh. They don't exist. Don't blame them. This is simply regular people making stupid decisions, which unfortunately will cause problems for yet another generation.

I wish you luck ... seriously.
These days girls do not terminate. I don't know why either. The choice is there for those that need it. I worry one day there won't be that choice. I personally do not believe in adopting my blood out and would never support my daughter doing that. My 1/2 brother was "taken" for adoption by Catholic Charities after my mother changed her mind. They took him anyway.

It sounds like the OP's daughter went off of her birth control to get pregnant to keep her BF from cheating. Well once a cheater, always a cheater. She will end up raising the baby on her own. Paying for everything because he can't even hold a job. Then she'll realize what she gave up. All of her dreams on this POS.

Last edited by Roselvr; Yesterday at 05:21 AM..
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Old Yesterday, 06:03 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
35,679 posts, read 43,861,555 times
Reputation: 59259
I am sorry, and understand how you feel. I’m not sure how much I can add to the advice you’ve gotten already. My youngest son was briefly married to a girl whose mother orchestrated and encouraged the relationship. Thankfully, no babies were involved.

You have not separated from your daughter as a separate individual. This is very hard for us mothers to do. For their whole lives, our children are like a part of us. Then when they break away, which is normal, we have a big adjustment.

You had hopes and dreams for her, but they are not hers. All I can tell you is that time has a way of working things out. My advice is that you realize you tried your best, and remove yourself from the drama. Tell your daughter you love her, and are there for her. You have expressed your opinion of her choices, so there is no point in discussing it further.

Additionally, I married a man my parents didn’t like when I was 18. They were right, and we were divorced, but we have two nice kids together, so in the end, everything worked out.
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Old Yesterday, 06:55 AM
 
12,320 posts, read 6,417,490 times
Reputation: 22754
You had 17 years to impart a value system and a decision-making framework. Why are you pissed at everyone else? “Ship her off to the military” kind of implies that you wanted someone else to impart a value system and decision-making framework after you failed to do it.
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Old Yesterday, 07:19 AM
 
Location: SC
37 posts, read 5,345 times
Reputation: 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
You had 17 years to impart a value system and a decision-making framework. Why are you pissed at everyone else? “Ship her off to the military” kind of implies that you wanted someone else to impart a value system and decision-making framework after you failed to do it.
Let me tell you what I realize about the world we live in today. Your children friends and celebrities have more control over your<bleep> kids value system, then the parents. I tried to combat that too but obviously failed. And once again going to the military was her decision too.

Last edited by Miss Blue; Today at 12:55 PM.. Reason: filtered words are deleted
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Old Yesterday, 07:56 AM
 
Location: East of the Mississippi and South of Bluegrass
4,252 posts, read 3,526,553 times
Reputation: 9052
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chawkins803 View Post
Let me tell you what I realize about the world we live in today. Your children friends and celebrities have more control over your GD kids value system, then the parents. I tried to combat that too but obviously failed. And once again going to the military was her decision too.
These "friends and celebrities" do not have "control over" our children. Influence? Yes, sometimes maybe they do.

Regardless, after reading and thinking about your post what comes to my mind is this. Something my beloved mother shared with me, from the Serenity prayer and the gist of it is this...

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference.

I believe this is the first step in order for you to come to terms with your daughter and her decisions, you cannot battle your way to an acceptable conclusion. Sometimes we have to swallow our pride and surrender to the reality of the circumstances. Best wishes to all members of this new arrangement, sincerely.
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