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Old 01-31-2019, 01:26 PM
 
Location: DFW/Texas
922 posts, read 1,104,111 times
Reputation: 3800

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OP, I don't know if this has been pointed out yet (I only read up to page 4 or so) but don't forget that the BF's mom, the one you can't stand and vow to never deal with, is also a pending grandmother. Just. Like. You. HER son just knocked up his 18-year old girlfriend and now is going to have to deal with the pressures of supporting the baby because if he doesn't, he'll be in a world of s%^t. If the young couple chooses to keep the baby, you are going to be connected to this family FOREVER.



Trust me, I get it. I'd probably fly off the handle, too, if I were in your situation. It's going to take a lot of pride-swallowing and crow-eating, but I think your best bet is to try to put on a brave face and be there for your daughter, period. You know as well as I do that children disappoint you at times in life but that being a loyal MOTHER means never turning your back on them, regardless of how stupid their mistakes are.



Good luck.
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Old 02-01-2019, 12:49 PM
 
3,481 posts, read 3,174,278 times
Reputation: 6503
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chawkins803 View Post
Bad egg she might be...for now, but even bad eggs can turn out good. I got the elders in my family working on this, and let me tell, you, it is turning around.
A few facts of life, here:


Bad eggs never go "good." So, don't get too too optimistic. She is young though, we really don't know for sure if, in fact she's indeed, a bad egg. Stuff that went on prior to now usually reveals that. Girls gone hormonal can do stuff like this, and not be a "bad egg."


One thing for sure is that this is not going to resolve over night. She may have to take a few turns for the worse (nothing you can change) before she comes around.


Just be ready to be there for moral support if (and only if) she requests that.
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Old 02-09-2019, 04:02 AM
 
Location: SC
48 posts, read 40,946 times
Reputation: 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by Berrie143 View Post
OP, I don't know if this has been pointed out yet (I only read up to page 4 or so) but don't forget that the BF's mom, the one you can't stand and vow to never deal with, is also a pending grandmother. Just. Like. You. HER son just knocked up his 18-year old girlfriend and now is going to have to deal with the pressures of supporting the baby because if he doesn't, he'll be in a world of s%^t. If the young couple chooses to keep the baby, you are going to be connected to this family FOREVER.



Trust me, I get it. I'd probably fly off the handle, too, if I were in your situation. It's going to take a lot of pride-swallowing and crow-eating, but I think your best bet is to try to put on a brave face and be there for your daughter, period. You know as well as I do that children disappoint you at times in life but that being a loyal MOTHER means never turning your back on them, regardless of how stupid their mistakes are.



Good luck.
Loyal mother? Yes, I was that. Am I asking too much to ask for a loyal daughter? I raised this child from birth and truth be told I loved her too much. After my divorce, I gave her more attention than my son because she required more than him. I neglected some areas of raising him because I saw some things in her, that I tried to fix. Like I even saw that early on she was boy crazy and I tried spending more time with developing her. Yet I feel like I STILL failed. The lesson I am learning is that never put the love of any human before GOD. I dreamed of having this perfect mother-daughter relationship that was going to be so unbreakable. Only to find out that she only wants the love of a boy she has known for barely two years instead.

But all is not lost. What I discovered and really always knew, is that I have a loving loyal son that has always loved, cared and appreciated the love I gave him. He gets me. He gets loyalty, he gets family. His computer screen saver is a picture of me holding him as a kid. The connection I have with him now is amazing.

I have not given up on my daughter, but I have let her go for now. I want her to be with this BF and his family and REALLY figure out if this is where she needs to be in life. I told her I have accepted her decision to choose this path. She recently blew up on me because she did not understand what I meant by acceptance. She asked me for money and when I told her that my acceptance did not mean money and that she could no longer get money unless she was working or was in school, she sent me the meanest, nastiest text, about how she wanted nothing to do with me, that I won't be seeing the baby and that I had lost her as a daughter.

So I am done. She blocked me She blocked her brother on social media and she won't answer my mothers' calls. Honestly, this is a good thing. She is so willing to throw her family away, then I am willing to set her free because that is how very much I love her.
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Old 02-24-2019, 08:44 PM
 
Location: The Beautiful Pocono Mountains
5,450 posts, read 8,739,782 times
Reputation: 3001
OP,

How are things going for you and your daughter?
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Old 02-27-2019, 09:46 AM
 
Location: Forest Service Cabin-90% of the yr. Sis & I inherited it and I bought her out.
175 posts, read 124,366 times
Reputation: 307
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chawkins803 View Post
My 18-year-old daughter is pregnant and has now moved in with her boyfriend and his mother. She was supposed to go into the Air Force and on her final exam, she found out she was pregnant. I was devastated and disappointed. I do not like the family and I tried my best to ship her off to the military because of that. She and her BF family have now turned on me because I told them exactly how I felt about them and how I wished my plan had work. Needless to say, I am public enemy number 1. In my opinion, the family and the son are the blind leading the blind. I tried to put my child on a good path and she ran off and joined the circus, literally. My main issue is really with the parents. What parents let their child, son or daughter, just lay up in their house and use it as a hotel??? These new age parents just really make me SICK. I even found out that the BF trash mom use to let my daughter and her BF use the same hotel room she used while she cheated on her husband her BF stepfather. I blame the parents. My mother would NEVER let me or my brother do that. RESPECT is at an all-time low, and adults are NOT setting good examples. PERIOD!!!! I love my daughter so much and did my best to spend time and teach her well. Everyone around me says that she is going through a phase and she will pay for disrespecting me. The problem is I am heartbroken and I feel shame that a child of mine that I nurtured for 18 years has more loyalty to a boyfriend she has had less than a year and has completely abandoned and disrespected a loving, nurturing and giving mother. I fear that she will turn on me forever, especially since the trash mom and BF are in her head. I am trying to figure out if it is God or the Devil that take away the things you love the most.
I am so sorry, hang in there. I'll be praying for the both of you.

With all due respect, the title is about you.

I find that concerning.

Again, This is so rough, so sorry you are enduring this.

It sounds like you are so hurt, you are more into yourself, your own feelings, than being a role model to her.

This is about how YOU feel.

We are all imperfect and fail

As a parent, it needs to be about the child. I know it's really hard to do, sometimes.

She's barely 18.

With that black and white thinking that lets you completely off the hook, and the righteous indignation you feel, it will only hurt her.

She is wise to limit communication with you much at this time

You will easily destroy her, put her on a self destructive path turning against her like this

You have to take responsibility for what you did wrong, and apologize. Then start on a new path.

You are choosing to be offended, when her decisions weren't meant to offend you.

She wants to be with him. It really is that simple

To make this about you ...when it really has nothing to do with you, is your doing and not based in reality.

You really aren't working with her but against her.

She has no business being in the Air Force.

The bible does not support a female entering battle. protector is a mans job.

Just so you know

Just curious but what are you thinking about this? Not sure I have the whole picture so am asking.


Understand why GOD allows suffering. It's to mold you into what he wants you to be.

When you make this focused on you, when it needs to be for your refinement, *swoosh*

pity parties are focused on you, and God can toss alot more your way until he breaks you

And you learn what you were mean to learn.

It's not about you

Model for her the RIGHT way to live.

Maybe she'll get saved if you model it for her.

Love her. Be kind.

Don't make your conversations to your benefit, fulfilling the lusts of YOUR flesh at her expense

God is teaching you something, this is an exciting time, open yourself up to find out!!

Repent of your transgressions, ask him to show you what it is he is telling you.

Read your bible. It's his word, it's how he communicates with you.

Attend a bible based church

You will be in my prayers, hang in there.

So sorry you are experiencing this

Last edited by FrugalFox; 02-27-2019 at 10:33 AM..
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Old 02-27-2019, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Forest Service Cabin-90% of the yr. Sis & I inherited it and I bought her out.
175 posts, read 124,366 times
Reputation: 307
Read the story of the prodigal son

Dad saw him from afar, and held out his arms welcoming him

Despite all he did to him

He never focused on that, he loved his son so much it was all about his loved one

Son hugged his dad then he repented.

Dad proclaimed my son was lost but is now found

And had a party for his son

It was the brother, whose actions were more akin to yours, who was resentful about his loved one

The Father acted as a loving parent.

That love brought the child back into the fold


https://www.biblegateway.com/passage...32&version=KJV

https://www.biblestudytools.com/1-co...nthians+13:4-8
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Old 02-27-2019, 10:12 AM
 
Location: Forest Service Cabin-90% of the yr. Sis & I inherited it and I bought her out.
175 posts, read 124,366 times
Reputation: 307
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chawkins803 View Post
Loyal mother? Yes, I was that. Am I asking too much to ask for a loyal daughter? I raised this child from birth and truth be told I loved her too much. After my divorce, I gave her more attention than my son because she required more than him. I neglected some areas of raising him because I saw some things in her, that I tried to fix. Like I even saw that early on she was boy crazy and I tried spending more time with developing her. Yet I feel like I STILL failed. The lesson I am learning is that never put the love of any human before GOD. I dreamed of having this perfect mother-daughter relationship that was going to be so unbreakable. Only to find out that she only wants the love of a boy she has known for barely two years instead.

But all is not lost. What I discovered and really always knew, is that I have a loving loyal son that has always loved, cared and appreciated the love I gave him. He gets me. He gets loyalty, he gets family. His computer screen saver is a picture of me holding him as a kid. The connection I have with him now is amazing.

I have not given up on my daughter, but I have let her go for now. I want her to be with this BF and his family and REALLY figure out if this is where she needs to be in life. I told her I have accepted her decision to choose this path. She recently blew up on me because she did not understand what I meant by acceptance. She asked me for money and when I told her that my acceptance did not mean money and that she could no longer get money unless she was working or was in school, she sent me the meanest, nastiest text, about how she wanted nothing to do with me, that I won't be seeing the baby and that I had lost her as a daughter.

So I am done. She blocked me She blocked her brother on social media and she won't answer my mothers' calls. Honestly, this is a good thing. She is so willing to throw her family away, then I am willing to set her free because that is how very much I love her.
This is so far from love

We're all imperfect

Hopefully we'll get an update soon
.
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Old 02-27-2019, 10:20 AM
 
Location: Forest Service Cabin-90% of the yr. Sis & I inherited it and I bought her out.
175 posts, read 124,366 times
Reputation: 307
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chawkins803 View Post
My kids will always have a place, as long as I have a place.
Ok so you are cutting off your child, yet blaming her for doing what you are actually doing.

Wow that is manipulative.

I am 28 and would be devastated if my Dad cut me off like that

Then lied saying I made the choice

That is a very unstable, hateful, vindictive parent.

Scary stuff. I'd be so afraid of you

For my own mental well being

You could be cut off

Geeze.....

I am glad she is with her boyfriend and not you.

This is truly scary, no words for it.

You've said something to this affect many times.

please get saved before you sever more relationships (already divorced) then blame the victim.

This is your daughter for God's sakes

You chose a father who was not a father for her

Now you are so far from a mother one can be

Be proud of her, she actually turned out quite well despite you

Look in the mirror, this hate of yours needs to stop

You are the parent, not the child. Act it

Don't boss her around, putting conditions on supporting her.

If you truly find her situation bad, don't demand things

Encourage a loving home she can go back to

For her safety and your grandchild

You may be a "bad egg" as you reference to your daughter

But you can turn into a good egg, thru Christ imputing his righteousness into you

When you get saved

That should be your #1 goal

Get saved. read your bible

For Gods sakes, I cannot believe what i am reading

But we don't expect the world to get better

Yet....God can change everything, including you

Have faith. I have faith in you

Last edited by FrugalFox; 02-27-2019 at 10:41 AM..
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Old 02-27-2019, 09:29 PM
 
Location: SC
48 posts, read 40,946 times
Reputation: 64
FrugalFox, I believe in God, but you can keep your Jesus Christ and your bible quotes. That is NOT what I call my God. I could say a lot about your comments, but I won"t. Keep your spiritual guidance, because everybody can not guide you, and you surely can"t guide me. Keep your prayers for yourself. I reject them and you.
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Old 02-28-2019, 09:20 AM
 
1,479 posts, read 1,301,991 times
Reputation: 5383
Op, I do feel for you, as for those condemning the op, she said "I let her go" not cutting her out of her life. Also if she left home and showed her mother disrespect I don't blame the op for not sending money. I'm sure if her daughter is starving or thrown out the op will be there for her.

Op, just let her know that you will always love her and be there when she is ready. Right now emotions are high and both of you need to step back and cool off. You don't want to be absent from your grandchild s life so try and keep communication open, don't forget her birthday or Christmas. She may possibly marry her boyfriend so I would advise finding a common ground for the sake of your grandchild.
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