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Old Yesterday, 12:38 AM
 
Location: SC
18 posts, read 383 times
Reputation: 24

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My 18-year-old daughter is pregnant and has now moved in with her boyfriend and his mother. She was supposed to go into the Air Force and on her final exam, she found out she was pregnant. I was devastated and disappointed. I do not like the family and I tried my best to ship her off to the military because of that. She and her BF family have now turned on me because I told them exactly how I felt about them and how I wished my plan had work. Needless to say, I am public enemy number 1. In my opinion, the family and the son are the blind leading the blind. I tried to put my child on a good path and she ran off and joined the circus, literally. My main issue is really with the parents. What parents let their child, son or daughter, just lay up in their house and use it as a hotel??? These new age parents just really make me SICK. I even found out that the BF trash mom use to let my daughter and her BF use the same hotel room she used while she cheated on her husband her BF stepfather. I blame the parents. My mother would NEVER let me or my brother do that. RESPECT is at an all-time low, and adults are NOT setting good examples. PERIOD!!!! I love my daughter so much and did my best to spend time and teach her well. Everyone around me says that she is going through a phase and she will pay for disrespecting me. The problem is I am heartbroken and I feel shame that a child of mine that I nurtured for 18 years has more loyalty to a boyfriend she has had less than a year and has completely abandoned and disrespected a loving, nurturing and giving mother. I fear that she will turn on me forever, especially since the trash mom and BF are in her head. I am trying to figure out if it is God or the Devil that take away the things you love the most.
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Old Yesterday, 01:27 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,983 posts, read 19,460,992 times
Reputation: 25711
You're at a point where you have two choices...wait for her to fail and come crawling back to you for help, or apologize to her and ask if you can still be a part of her life and the baby's life. I guess you'll have to decide what's more important to you, showing that you were right about her poor choices or supporting her in the direction that her life has taken.
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Old Yesterday, 01:51 AM
 
Location: SC
18 posts, read 383 times
Reputation: 24
You're at a point where you have two choices...wait for her to fail and come crawling back to you for help, or apologize to her and ask if you can still be a part of her life and the baby's life. I guess you'll have to decide what's more important to you, showing that you were right about her poor choices or supporting her in the direction that her life has taken.


Thank you for your advice. You are right. I do have two choices. I love my daughter and I am learning to really let her go. I think I will get to a point where I will apologize because not being in her life would be too sad for me.
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Old Yesterday, 05:33 AM
 
Location: Pacific Northwest
196 posts, read 71,709 times
Reputation: 723
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chawkins803 View Post
My 18-year-old daughter is pregnant and has now moved in with her boyfriend and his mother. She was supposed to go into the Air Force and on her final exam, she found out she was pregnant. I was devastated and disappointed. I do not like the family and I tried my best to ship her off to the military because of that. ....
A couple things to adress about your statement above:

1) Your daughter is 18. She's her own person and can make her own choices to eventually learn from. You can care and express your personal opinion on the matter, but be ready for her to react as any adult and take what you say personally. You can't force her to live a life you created in your head, that's setting yourself up for finding nothing but negatives in her life and I guarantee you'll push your daughter farther away.

2) "I tried my best to ship her off to the military..." If I was 18 and heard my mother say this about myself or any of my siblings I would start planning on separating myself entirely from her. Again, your daughter is an adult. Your not responsible for her actions nor do you have to pay for her choices; so wanting to control her life into adulthood is only asking her to see you as someone who doesn't care about her dreams or interests. Your daughter isn't a toy you can ship off to get fixed to your specifications; she absolutely doesn't and shouldn't do things blindly simply because someone told her to do it be it a boyfriend or her mother.

3) If your daughter decides to keep the child do you want a relationship with your grandchild? Because continuing to hold a grudge with your daughters other half and insulting her relationship is a great way to destroy any potential relationship from happening. You should be there for your daughter more than ever right now because if you're not then the other grandmother will be the one helping to raise the child and you clearly would have a problem with that.

I'm not going to pretend I know everything going on and I'm sure both sides of this situation feel that they're being treated unfairly. But you need to understand and accept that you daughter is living her life and it's not shaping up to look identical to what you had in mind for her, and instead of keeping a calm head and trying to get on her level to understand why she's making these choices. Right now you're both following a pattern....

-You didn't like her boyfriend, so she made sure she spent time with him in a home with a mother who treated both people in the relationship with respect.

-You wanted her to go into the military to break up her relationship. She got pregnant and now not only won't be going into the military, she's possibly forever attached to her boyfriend.

-You attack her significant other, their parents character. She tells others and they unite with her and point out your character flaws.

I mean look at what she's done so far...every time you express or attempt to control her life she runs to a family that "respects" her choices and treats her like an adult. Take a break from bashing her relationships as that's the least of your worries, instead try building your daughter up and start learning to make the best of the situation without dragging your daughter down. I think you'll find she'll start listening to you more if you stop trying to rule her life through negativity and trying to control her every action.
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Old Yesterday, 07:44 AM
 
Location: SC
18 posts, read 383 times
Reputation: 24
Very good response, I hope she forgives me, I don't care about the boyfriend right now
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Old Yesterday, 08:01 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
25,400 posts, read 60,813,457 times
Reputation: 28223
I do not have any answers for you OP other than it will likely heal somewhat with time. Eventually you and your daughter will likely forgive each other. She may leave the guy and move back in with you, or she may not. they guy might eventually step up and be a man and take car of her and the baby or he may not. The hard part for you is going to be accepting you are no longer in control of your daughter, and will have no control over the baby or how they raise the baby other than what you can accomplish by persuading them. not the boss anymore grandma. It is had to accept when it comes, and it can take years to fully accept. But it is just how it is.

I can help you with the problem with randomly capitalized words appearing in your post. On the left side of your keyboard, there is a key that says "Caps Lock" Do not hit that key by accident while typing. If it keeps happening by accident, you can put a small piece of duct tape over it.
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Old Today, 11:31 AM
 
3,484 posts, read 2,483,612 times
Reputation: 6091
Well, you had hopes for your daughter and they didn't pan out. She chose her own path and it is what it is.

Forget about what you wanted and look at the situation as it is today. Your daughter is now pregnant, living with the father, and your new innocent grandbaby is on the way.

I know it's hard, but look at the joy in this situation. Be positive and encourage them on the right path to be responsible parents. Apologize for your outbursts. Be the good grandparent. Be the one they want to come and visit. Good luck. You're not the first!
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Old Today, 11:33 AM
 
Location: SC
18 posts, read 383 times
Reputation: 24
I can help you with the problem with randomly capitalized words appearing in your post. On the left side of your keyboard, there is a key that says "Caps Lock" Do not hit that key by accident while typing. If it keeps happening by accident, you can put a small piece of duct tape over it.

Thank you and I got it!
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Old Today, 11:44 AM
 
2,865 posts, read 1,250,460 times
Reputation: 11037
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chawkins803 View Post
Very good response, I hope she forgives me, I don't care about the boyfriend right now
But you have to try and never speak badly of him because he is the father of your grandchild. Let us know how it goes, hopefully she can forgive you and you can start on a new footing.
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Old Today, 01:38 PM
 
Location: Teach an Fhir Bholg
12,103 posts, read 13,453,432 times
Reputation: 32639
Your OP is churning with anger and revenge. My thought would be that you will have to take a lot of deep breaths and let a good deal of that emotional heat blow out of you before you actually do anything.

I would be afraid that anything you might do in the near future could turn into a major volcano eruption if you sensed yourself being crossed again.

No advice about how you take those "deep breaths," but I think they are necessary.
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