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Old 01-27-2019, 08:33 AM
 
Location: NY>FL>VA>NC>IN
2,247 posts, read 844,667 times
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Two hours naptime for 4 y/o is excessive.

My four were reared to respect rules and also that rewards/awards are for those who merit same.

At 4 mine would understand that if they do X they get a sticker and if they do Y they do not. This isn't terribly hard to grasp for a child of normal intelligence.

What you taught your son was that he needn't abide by the rules as the others do, and that he is special somehow and will get rewards no matter how he behaves, even if he breaks a rule. That even though 9 stars must be earned to get a sticker, Mother shall make sure he gets one even if he doesn't gain the minimum number of stars. Good job showing him to disrespect Teacher's authority.

Why do you disagree that the children must earn their stars? This is a commonplace behavior mod technique.
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Old 01-27-2019, 09:23 AM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
9,781 posts, read 13,683,844 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
The problem with their system, is that they are awarding stars - which is a reward for good behavior - BUT THEN they are negating the good behavior that was displayed by insisting the child has to have more than eight to get a measly sticker!

That would be so confusing to a child. They might think: "I was good eight times - I got eight stars, but then I must have been bad because I didn't get a prize."

Very illogical.

If you can put him in a Waldorf or Montessori school or something like that - at least a FUN day care, that would be preferable.

I would be so upset if I saw my child crying in the middle of the room with no one comforting him!

Terrible! We're the teachers just fine with that? They're traumatizing him and teaching him really twisted values (not sure what, but something weird from the sheer lack of logic).
I doubt they are 'awarding' stars. This sounds very similar to the system my kids had in kindergarten. They begin the week with a set number of stars, clothespins, felt animals on a board or what have you. Everyone has the same number and they aren't 'awarded' or given to the kids for doing anything in particular.
The idea is for the kids to hold on to as many stars as they can by not misbehaving or breaking rules. I can't say how restrictive the OP's school system is but at my kids school it was pretty simple and straight forward. Basically the kids were aware that to keep their points they had to not break rules in a few basic categories "don't be mean, don't be disruptive, follow directions". Break a rule lose a point. At the end of the week the kids visited a treasure chest and got a reward based on how many points were left. I do seem to recall that all the kids got something, just that the more points you had the better your prize was.

Personally I think the method isn't perfect but it does teach several things. It teaches kids to set goals (keep points), it teaches delayed gratification (waiting a week to claim a prize), and if handled right it teaches kids how to deal with making mistakes (losing points) and not always getting what they want.
At four and five years old kids vary a lot in their maturity so it may be that at that age some kids just aren't ready for such a system and would be better off in a different type of classroom.

In OP's situation I do think the school or teachers are at fault for not explaining their system to parents on the front end, and for not making parents their partners in making the system work. My kids teachers were pretty good about communicating any particular areas of struggle, set a goal for the kids to work toward for the end of the period, and you could walk into the classroom at the end of the day to look at the chart and see just how your child was doing.

Last edited by DubbleT; 01-27-2019 at 09:45 AM..
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Old 01-27-2019, 09:31 AM
 
Location: Texas
42,652 posts, read 50,862,909 times
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There are no naps at my 4 year old's school.

At the beginning of the year, there was a 30 minute quiet time to let them acclimate if some of them still napped. This was phased out as the year continued.
This is pre-k 4, not daycare.

Consider moving to a real school if this place is just housing the kids and attempting to control behavior by any means necessary.
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Old 01-27-2019, 10:14 AM
 
206 posts, read 363,067 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VexedAndSolitary View Post
Two hours naptime for 4 y/o is excessive.

My four were reared to respect rules and also that rewards/awards are for those who merit same.

At 4 mine would understand that if they do X they get a sticker and if they do Y they do not. This isn't terribly hard to grasp for a child of normal intelligence.

What you taught your son was that he needn't abide by the rules as the others do, and that he is special somehow and will get rewards no matter how he behaves, even if he breaks a rule. That even though 9 stars must be earned to get a sticker, Mother shall make sure he gets one even if he doesn't gain the minimum number of stars. Good job showing him to disrespect Teacher's authority.

Why do you disagree that the children must earn their stars? This is a commonplace behavior mod technique.
No I don't think it's hard for my child to know that if they do X they get a sticker and if they misbehave they do not. But this system they have is not that simple. Did you read my previous post that explained how the reward system works? Explain that to your four year old and have them repeat it back to you. See if they remember that by the end of the week. Kids live in the moment (which is a good thing) and can't remember or dwell on a behavior they did or did not do five days ago, let alone how many stars they need to gain or not by Friday.

I disagree with I made my son think he is special and gets rewards no matter what. He gained 8 stars that week by going GOOD things, he turned in his 3 pages of homework on time. Why is he not rewarded for that? Again, are we focusing on all the reasons he did not get the 9 stars. He got one sticker out the box, he deserves that. I think some of the reasons they have that kids loose stars are just normal 4 year old behaviors, like squirming during circle time. I have never been told that my child has misbehaved during the day when I pick him up. It's always, "yes he had a good day."
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Old 01-27-2019, 10:33 AM
 
60 posts, read 15,555 times
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You've described your son crying without being comforted at the school, and being so upset that he couldn't talk to you at pick-up. You've described rigid and inappropriate procedures.

And you're still keeping him at this daycare? Telling him at the end of the day that what happens to him during the day is wrong isn't going to erase the negativity he experiences during daycare. He shouldn't be put through it at all.

Be a true advocate for your son and move him to a better daycare, or at least, to a different class in this one.
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Old 01-27-2019, 10:48 AM
 
326 posts, read 56,413 times
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I think you should attend the preschool with him and earn the stickers on his behalf.
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Old 01-27-2019, 10:51 AM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
10,907 posts, read 3,577,324 times
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Unless you live in the middle of nowhere, there are a ton of preschools/daycares out there. Find another!

I have 2 girls, now both in Middle school, but they both went to preschool (as most do nowadays). The first only went a few hours, but my second went all day. THEY TOOK ZERO naps at preschool! That would have been the first problem for me if they did because both of my girls stopped taking naps as soon as they turned two and it was fine because then they went to bed early.


My kids didn't have a reward system in school until Kindergarten and rewards were given individually and on the side so no one else would have hurt feelings. I don't necessarily agree with a rewards system that young, but it's not that bad of an idea as long as they are not giving them out as a ceremony and making others feel bad about it! I also don't agree that one of the rewards is candy!! I also don't agree with the fact that your son was upset and the teacher could careless! Personally, that probably would have done it for me!

OP, you need to have a meeting with the director in person and voice your concerns, otherwise find another school ASAP and do your research and ask questions beforehand. Ask neighbors for preschool referrals, etc.
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Old 01-27-2019, 10:53 AM
 
Location: Orlando
1,866 posts, read 2,482,366 times
Reputation: 6808
This school insists on a two-hour nap time for four-year-olds (excessive), they humiliate kids who don't get a reward because they "only" had 8 stars, and they give candy as one of the rewards . If it was my kid, I'd either talk to the administration about moving him to a different classroom where such behavior doesn't take place, or I'd find a better preschool for him.
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Old 01-27-2019, 10:58 AM
 
5,150 posts, read 2,702,244 times
Reputation: 22975
Quote:
Originally Posted by rere900 View Post
...Kids live in the moment (which is a good thing) and can't remember or dwell on a behavior they did or did not do five days ago, ...
I disagree, kids are very smart in figuring out things. What they can get away with, what they can't.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rere900 View Post

At that moment, I asked the teacher to get the box and I told my son to pick out a sticker.
I don't agree with how the school handled your son--however going over the teacher like that was not the way to handle the situation.

I just think you have to find another school that you agree how they handle things.
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Old 01-27-2019, 11:52 AM
 
2,007 posts, read 1,219,976 times
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I never had my boys in daycare (100% NOT judging people who do, just revealing my lack of experience with it.)

Isn't a meeting with the daycare owner/manager/teacher in charge something you do before you choose one? To check out their policies, expectations, etc? I thought the idea was to find one that aligns with your parenting philosophy as closely as possible, etc.

The reward system sounds ill-conceived. The 2-hour silent nap periods are insane (My kids stopped napping by 2. Making them like still and silent staring at the ceiling for 2 hours sounds almost abusive.) However, overriding the rules of school by "stealing" a sticker is not the way to do things. That just teaches your son that he can break rules or that mommy will break them for him.
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