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This is a tough one.
I am a single mom of a 2 year old.
I have been dating a man for about 5 months.
This issue started when we or he, was having an issue in the bedroom.
Basically, he could not keep the sails stiff, if you know what I mean.
So I tried talking to him about it. There were other things I could not put my finger on, and I don't want to go into detail here, but I felt like he was by himself in the act, like I was not there.
Anyway, other than all of that, he is a good kind person.
So I was trying to be kind about the issue, and finally, he saw a doctor who said he'd test his testosterone levels. They came back normal.
So I am left thinking, this must be in his head. Long story short, we had many conversations, initiated by me, trying to figure this out. It was very frustrating because I no longer wanted to revisit the bedroom and hence the problem. I really was on edge.
Then the other day I was on his computer. The cookie list dropped down, and there were many, many porn adresses in there. Hard-core stuff.
I was shocked. I understand that men and women watch porn, and I am not judging it.
It looked to me like he watches it alot.
So, I have many issues with this. First and foremost I have a child. I now feel yucky about him being around my child. He was keeping secrets and I don't like that about sex. I was thinking about spending some serious time with this guy, but I would feel strange about someone who sits around getting aroused. What if my child walked in and saw it.
He said he would stop, but how many times have we all heard that about someone with an addiction.
The other thing I don't like is that he knew I was trying to help us find answers and he had it all along. I feel that if someone is operation on that level of arousal, that he/she can become de-sensitized.
I know it sounds like I have the answer. I am wanting to pull the plug. I am just putting it out there because of this fact that so many men do this...
I would not go to therapy with someone I have only been with for a short period of time.
pull the plug before it gets out of hand, no pun intended. This is a young relationship and it will be less hurtful. Run & don't look back. Lesson learned.
Thank you all. I needed that confirmation. There's just this patriarcal thing floating around in society that says it's ok for men to do this. I just don't want to cut out 99% of the male population. But this is beyond a little viewing, this felt like an addiction and a secret one, to me.
Thank you all. I needed that confirmation. There's just this patriarcal thing floating around in society that says it's ok for men to do this. I just don't want to cut out 99% of the male population. But this is beyond a little viewing, this felt like an addiction and a secret one, to me.
Thanks for you help!
The porn isnt the problem as i see it. The problem is his dishonesty, be it by lie or omission. He knew of your concern and kept silent. A person who cant be trusted for ANY reason SHOULD NOT be around your child! Good luck and please know that there are good men out there!
I think the big concern here is his obvious addiction. Not only did he lie about it, but like any addiction, it has affected your relationship. Intimacy is very important in a relationship and he doesn't seem to mind that it's standing in the way. He's showing no concern in the fact that you are unhappy. Porn can be a healthy way for TWO people to enjoy intimacy. He clearly isn't interested in sharing it with you so I'd dump the loser. Not to mention that fact that you have a child to worry about. You deserve someone who is respectful to you and your child- and his deceit and his addiction prove he's all about himself. You can find someone who treats you and your daughter better..
I think the big concern here is his obvious addiction. Not only did he lie about it, but like any addiction, it has affected your relationship. Intimacy is very important in a relationship and he doesn't seem to mind that it's standing in the way. He's showing no concern in the fact that you are unhappy. Porn can be a healthy way for TWO people to enjoy intimacy. He clearly isn't interested in sharing it with you so I'd dump the loser. Not to mention that fact that you have a child to worry about. You deserve someone who is respectful to you and your child- and his deceit and his addiction prove he's all about himself. You can find someone who treats you and your daughter better..
Kick him to the curb. It seems to me that his need for satisfaction comes from viewing porn sites that show women with no morals. This could become dangerous as you have a small child. I would not keep him around.
I have seen this sickness in both men and women. Things are getting cray out there and it is hard to fine someone who is willing to work WITH you instead of AGAINST you.
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