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Old Today, 01:16 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
35,794 posts, read 43,949,622 times
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I think the step mother was taking a chance, spanking a 13 year old, and if she hit him in anger, that’s never good. She’s lucky he didn’t hit her back.

Good for her for trying to set the kid straight. Ive been a stepmother to a boy, and it’s not easy to walk the discipline tightrope when dad isn’t there. She didn’t handle it very well, but at least she tried. She’ll probably do it differently next time.
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Old Today, 01:26 PM
 
2,921 posts, read 1,278,062 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by john620 View Post
Ask the step mother if she would like to have the **** slapped off her face because the step mother has demonstrated she likes assault and battery. That’s exactly what spanking is. You can press criminal charges against her if you are inclined.

Spanking especially by a non parent is not ok. Nowadays given so much ridiculousness with pc and a demented school system it’s very possible your son did nothing wrong. People have a right to express themselves and speak freely. If he doesn’t like a person whether it is a genius or “special” needs students he is entitled to feel so. Idk what he allegedly did (just because he was suspended means nothing. People have been on death row for crimes they didn’t commit so the good judgement of anyone should never be assumed) and maybe he overstepped. But spanking is not acceptable. As for an apology letter, if the son doesn’t mean it then it is evil to make him a liar. That’s not teaching him good ideals.

Putting aside my intense dislike of using hitting as a form of discipline the bottom line is that the sons father and stepmother who have full custody are the one’s that determine discipline. If the op is against spanking then it is incumbent on her to talk it through with her x husband or seek full custody. All the adults in this teens life need to be on the same page or at least show unity despite their differences.
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Old Today, 01:28 PM
Status: "waiting for God," I am female" (set 24 days ago)
 
Location: Northern panhandle WV
2,848 posts, read 1,973,697 times
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Hey OP
If he had been with you, how would YOU have handled it?
Being a step parent is a super hard job, you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.
You sound like you still have issues with your husband remarrying.
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Old Today, 01:36 PM
 
4,106 posts, read 2,264,103 times
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Good for her! Reinforce to your son it is unacceptable to bully and also create an understanding for those with disabilities.

Your focus is in the wrong area.
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Old Today, 02:11 PM
 
1,003 posts, read 457,420 times
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While your son is entitled to not like someone, he has absolutely no place commenting or acting out on that. She is the better parent here by far, in trying to correct a horrific attitude in her stepson. You could take some lessons there, in terms of promptly and swiftly acting on character issues.

The spanking is a far less severe issue. Your focus on it is missing the bigger picture. If you don’t want physical discipline, figure it out with your ex. But that’s quite beside the point.

Signed, someone who was spanked by both step parents and is grateful for it in hindsight.

Last edited by Schmooky; Today at 02:12 PM.. Reason: Spelling issues
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Old Today, 02:14 PM
 
1,457 posts, read 870,459 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SWFL_Native View Post
Good for her! Reinforce to your son it is unacceptable to bully and also create an understanding for those with disabilities.

Your focus is in the wrong area.

Exactly. Questioning the parenting behavior in front of the child will only undermine the discipline. While I don't condone spanking and wouldn't do it myself, I can understand what her mindset was at the time as this is truly despicable behavior by the boy and needed to be treated seriously.

The most I would do is have a conversation with the stepmom and most importantly, acknowledge that the boy's behavior was disgusting and thank her for taking it seriously. Then ask politely not to spank in the future. That's really all you can do- take any stronger approach and you'll be undermining yourself. The last thing you want is to be further distanced from your children as a result of a stepmom that hates the biological mom.
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Old Today, 02:20 PM
 
Location: Winterpeg
740 posts, read 269,655 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
Putting aside my intense dislike of using hitting as a form of discipline the bottom line is that the sons father and stepmother who have full custody are the one’s that determine discipline. If the op is against spanking then it is incumbent on her to talk it through with her x husband or seek full custody. All the adults in this teens life need to be on the same page or at least show unity despite their differences.
Yes, this.

If I was the OP, I'd be mad as heck that my kid was spanked, especially at 13! As a teenager you'd have the added humiliation at being hit on the backside by the woman your dad married. Ew. If your son did think it was cool to bully the special needs kid, he is in need of some big time parenting, not being hit by his step mom.

But, you divorced and created two homes for your son. You don't get to control what happens in the other home unless you can convince the courts or the other adults who are raising your son to do something about it.
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Old Today, 02:33 PM
 
Location: North State (California)
31,113 posts, read 2,444,730 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
Putting aside my intense dislike of using hitting as a form of discipline the bottom line is that the sons father and stepmother who have full custody are the one’s that determine discipline. If the op is against spanking then it is incumbent on her to talk it through with her x husband or seek full custody. All the adults in this teens life need to be on the same page or at least show unity despite their differences.


ITA.
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Old Today, 02:35 PM
 
1,068 posts, read 716,336 times
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I'd be more upset with my son for bulling , especially a special needs child. You may not agree, but at least your son knows it won't be tolerated by his father and step mother.
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Old Today, 02:40 PM
 
604 posts, read 539,087 times
Reputation: 1181
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYCresident2014 View Post
Exactly. Questioning the parenting behavior in front of the child will only undermine the discipline. While I don't condone spanking and wouldn't do it myself, I can understand what her mindset was at the time as this is truly despicable behavior by the boy and needed to be treated seriously.

The most I would do is have a conversation with the stepmom and most importantly, acknowledge that the boy's behavior was disgusting and thank her for taking it seriously. Then ask politely not to spank in the future. That's really all you can do- take any stronger approach and you'll be undermining yourself. The last thing you want is to be further distanced from your children as a result of a stepmom that hates the biological mom.
The step mom addressed an issue with violence. Of course the mother should undermine the step mother in every aspect. If a step parent puts his or her hands on a 13 year old not in self defense that is a crime. Bullying can mean a lot of things. Firstly we don’t even know if it occurred as it can be he said she said. Secondly, we have a god given right to express ourselves with speech and tell people we don’t like them. Is that what he allegedly did? Schools officials often will take one word over another with no evidence and make rush judgements. Whatever the case ask the step mom if she would like to be spanked because she “bullied” a co-worker. Violence is not discipline.
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