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Old Yesterday, 10:35 PM
 
1 posts, read 25 times
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My 13 year old son lives with his dad who has primary custody and I get him every other weekend. His dad has remarried and has been with his wife for 5 years. I found out my son has been bullying a special needs kid at school with a speech impediment. He got in school suspension for 3 days and when he came home from school, his stepmother spanked him. It was with her hand and there's no bruising but he told me it hurt a lot and I'm ****ing pissed. She also made him write an apology letter to the student and grounded him for 2 weeks with no electronics. His father works long hours so his stepmom feels entitled because she's a stay at home wife and she's with him more but it's not okay.

I'm very upset at what my son did and he absolutely deserved to be punished but this woman had no right to touch my kid. His father supports what she did and gave her permission and I'm ready to raise hell. I need her to learn her place as a stepparent NOT a parent.
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Old Yesterday, 11:16 PM
 
2,921 posts, read 1,278,062 times
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She is parenting your son and is the primary caretaker , not sure what you think she should do? If your sons father and stepmother are in agreement on how they decide to discipline your son what can you do?

While I’m not supportive of spanking it seems to me that at this time and age your son needs parents and stepparents who show solidarity and unflinching consistency as you all guide him through turbulent teens. Undermining the stepparents or x spouses in front of a teen is a recipe for trouble. Maybe you and the x and step parent need to talk with a neutral party such as a family counselor on complimentary discipline to maintain a solid and united front.
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Old Today, 12:52 AM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
20,134 posts, read 13,224,047 times
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If your son's stepmom is parenting him, then she handled it the best way she could think of to do so. I am in agreement with having the kid write an apology letter. I hope you told our son that bullying a less fortunate kid in school is a bad thing. There is no need to feed his resentment.

I spanked my kids, although not when they were 13. Spanking is a deterrent to bad behavior and it also leaves a memory that says, "I did a bad thing." If stepmom did not tell the kid he was bad seed, or a terrible person, then I'd leave this alone. She was parenting.

I agree that trying to undermine the stepmom is allowing your son to be manipulative. So, on this, I'd keep quiet. It would not hurt to have a conversation about bullying with your son, so he knows you don't like it any more than stepmom. Because it is indeed bad behavior.
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Old Today, 03:05 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,993 posts, read 19,518,773 times
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It sounds like she did what needed to be done. She didn't beat him. It was discipline, not abuse. Sometimes the best way you can love your kids is to keep them from growing up to be jerks.

Undermining her is not going to help the situation.
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Old Today, 04:45 AM
 
601 posts, read 539,087 times
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Ask the step mother if she would like to have the **** slapped off her face because the step mother has demonstrated she likes assault and battery. That’s exactly what spanking is. You can press criminal charges against her if you are inclined.

Spanking especially by a non parent is not ok. Nowadays given so much ridiculousness with pc and a demented school system it’s very possible your son did nothing wrong. People have a right to express themselves and speak freely. If he doesn’t like a person whether it is a genius or “special” needs students he is entitled to feel so. Idk what he allegedly did (just because he was suspended means nothing. People have been on death row for crimes they didn’t commit so the good judgement of anyone should never be assumed) and maybe he overstepped. But spanking is not acceptable. As for an apology letter, if the son doesn’t mean it then it is evil to make him a liar. That’s not teaching him good ideals.
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Old Today, 11:06 AM
 
Location: Watervliet, NY
3,924 posts, read 1,350,972 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by john620 View Post
Ask the step mother if she would like to have the **** slapped off her face because the step mother has demonstrated she likes assault and battery. That’s exactly what spanking is. You can press criminal charges against her if you are inclined.

Spanking especially by a non parent is not ok. Nowadays given so much ridiculousness with pc and a demented school system it’s very possible your son did nothing wrong. People have a right to express themselves and speak freely. If he doesn’t like a person whether it is a genius or “special” needs students he is entitled to feel so. Idk what he allegedly did (just because he was suspended means nothing. People have been on death row for crimes they didn’t commit so the good judgement of anyone should never be assumed) and maybe he overstepped. But spanking is not acceptable. As for an apology letter, if the son doesn’t mean it then it is evil to make him a liar. That’s not teaching him good ideals.
Fine, but he needs to demonstrate the class and self-restraint to keep his mouth shut about it, and to leave that person alone. He's not "entitled" to let them know through words and/or gestures. Bullying whether by words or actions is NOT protected free expression. He deserved what he got, and maybe in the future he will make an effort to keep both his words and/or his hands (and other body parts) to himself, unless he is using them for positive interaction with others. He should feel grateful it was only his stepmother who handed his rear end to him; next time he may not be so lucky.
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Old Today, 11:13 AM
 
11,633 posts, read 9,503,079 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by john620 View Post
Ask the step mother if she would like to have the **** slapped off her face because the step mother has demonstrated she likes assault and battery. Thatís exactly what spanking is. You can press criminal charges against her if you are inclined.

Spanking especially by a non parent is not ok. Nowadays given so much ridiculousness with pc and a demented school system itís very possible your son did nothing wrong. People have a right to express themselves and speak freely. If he doesnít like a person whether it is a genius or ďspecialĒ needs students he is entitled to feel so. Idk what he allegedly did (just because he was suspended means nothing. People have been on death row for crimes they didnít commit so the good judgement of anyone should never be assumed) and maybe he overstepped. But spanking is not acceptable. As for an apology letter, if the son doesnít mean it then it is evil to make him a liar. Thatís not teaching him good ideals.


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Old Today, 11:56 AM
 
Location: Chicago
443 posts, read 104,637 times
Reputation: 904
Quote:
Originally Posted by john620 View Post
Ask the step mother if she would like to have the **** slapped off her face because the step mother has demonstrated she likes assault and battery. Thatís exactly what spanking is. You can press criminal charges against her if you are inclined.
Spanking is not battery! Beating someone up is battery. Spanking is among other things a form of discipline. If i liked to be spanked during sex does that mean i'm advocating domestic abuse?
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Old Today, 12:31 PM
 
33 posts, read 4,727 times
Reputation: 95
OP. She is the parent, you are not. Don't like it? Sue for full time custody.
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Old Today, 01:10 PM
 
5,355 posts, read 2,419,324 times
Reputation: 13715
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellybelly83 View Post
Spanking is not battery! Beating someone up is battery. Spanking is among other things a form of discipline. If i liked to be spanked during sex does that mean i'm advocating domestic abuse?
You are consenting to that adult activity. . A child being spanked is not. Get yourself regrouped . No form of physical force is considered 'discipline

OP: what is really at the center of your angst? I'm not sensing your motherly concern here for your child's safety . I'm 100% for a child's body and mind be respected. Sounds like your son had that disregarded by an adult figure. Can you perhaps openly listen to your son and gather a better understanding of his experience. I do commend the. Step parent for recognizing that a letter would be wise. I shall not justify her use of force . All it did was send the message that he has no rights to his wellbeing. Sad really. Sadder still that your son openly chooses to bully. . Guess he and his step mom have that in common
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