U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-03-2019, 02:09 PM
 
Location: Forest Service Cabin-90% of the yr
118 posts, read 21,488 times
Reputation: 176

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144 View Post
Why even let her invite the friend over if they won't be allowed to interact? You think that's not going to cause conflict, when the girl invites her friend over and then essentially blows her off-- or rather, a parent blows her off?
Is this to my post? If so, you need to read it again
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-03-2019, 02:25 PM
 
324 posts, read 100,505 times
Reputation: 904
Quote:
Originally Posted by FrugalFox View Post
Is this to my post? If so, you need to read it again
I read it a couple of times. You're saying she can have the friend over, but the friend won't be invited until right before, they won't even be allowed to sit next to each other at the movie theater so they can't talk, and the friend will be taken home immediately afterward. Some visit. Do you think it will make the other friend feel better if the first one came over but they didn't really get a chance to hang out?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-03-2019, 02:29 PM
 
79 posts, read 7,320 times
Reputation: 122
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Should I just run it by Zís parents? Should a set up a future play date with Z so she doesnít feel left out? Just leave it be? I dont know! Iím over thinking it.

Thoughts?
why not just focus on what your kid says they need right now-- its not your job to maintain her friendships (or the feelings of her friends) on your daughters behalf. if it comes up in conversation, you can figure out how to be diplomatic, but maybe its overkill to be preemptive about it. this may sound critical, but overall it sounds like your intentions are in the right place and youre handling it in a pretty stellar fashion, so dont take it personally. it isnt intended as such.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-03-2019, 04:16 PM
 
Location: Forest Service Cabin-90% of the yr
118 posts, read 21,488 times
Reputation: 176
Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144 View Post
I read it a couple of times. You're saying she can have the friend over, but the friend won't be invited until right before, they won't even be allowed to sit next to each other at the movie theater so they can't talk, and the friend will be taken home immediately afterward. Some visit. Do you think it will make the other friend feel better if the first one came over but they didn't really get a chance to hang out?
Maybe I wasn't clear, it wouldn't be the first time

Your daughter is going through some things so has pulled away from friends.

She has an easier time being with the quieter friend, than the more talkative one

But prior, they were a threesome hanging out

My suggestion is to separate them

Your daughter do what she wants with the pal she is comfortable with, the calmer one.


Then soon afterwards...

So as to not allow the other one to feel left out,

You invite the spunkier pal to the movies.

At the last minute, so they aren't talking too much on the phone, exhausting your daughter

You spring for popcorn and a drink.

pay for all the tickets of course

As you walk down the isle, make sure you are walking in between them

Naturally your daughter will choose the row, she entering first, you second, the other friend last

That is your seating arrangement by default, you in the middle

If her friend wants to jabber, more of it will be directed to you due to sitting right beside her friend

Both friends spent time with your daughter within just a few days of one another

They both know your daughter cares about them.

Yet neither girl will feel left out though they were not a threesome as usual.


Giving your daughters brain more time to heal

Be around both of these friends at once

The brain can and does, become ill just as the body does

So I think it's great she has you in her corner

To help her ensure her decisions, with a less healthy brain,

Are conducive to ensuring her friends remain feeling loved

Though she isn't able to convey that for a while


I have two twin boys who are ADHD

Our boys are twins, both spunky kids diagnosed ADHD

They share friends, as twins often do, and can exhaust their buddies at times
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 09:42 AM
 
3,572 posts, read 2,543,648 times
Reputation: 6400
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
...today she asked to have a play date...with one specific friend. This is a huge positive. Before, she didnít even want to have a friend over at all. But today she said she only wanted one of her two best friends to come over. I asked her why and she said the friend she wants to come over is very calm and that is what she can handle right now. It isnít that she doesnít love her other BFF. Its just the energy level she can handle now.

So I asked the other kidís (A) mom if she can come visit this coming weekend, and she was really happy to. I did tell the mom that she only wanted to have one guest. But Iím sure it will get back to her other friend (z).

Iím sad that Z could hear and get her feelings hurt. And pretty worried about how she will hear it. Iím friendly with her parents...but not ďfriendsĒ.

Should I just run it by Zís parents? Should a set up a future play date with Z so she doesnít feel left out? Just leave it be? I dont know! Iím over thinking it.

Thoughts?
Is there some reason why you didn't encourage her to call her friend A herself and ask her over?

Do all 3 of them see each other at school? Eat lunch together? Ride the bus together? Sorry if I missed something, just wondering how they don't interact naturally at school.

So sorry your daughter is going through this and hope the meds help.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 03:19 PM
 
10,142 posts, read 6,800,658 times
Reputation: 23849
Quote:
Originally Posted by dynamicjson View Post
why not just focus on what your kid says they need right now-- its not your job to maintain her friendships (or the feelings of her friends) on your daughters behalf. if it comes up in conversation, you can figure out how to be diplomatic, but maybe its overkill to be preemptive about it. this may sound critical, but overall it sounds like your intentions are in the right place and youre handling it in a pretty stellar fashion, so dont take it personally. it isnt intended as such.
Fantastic idea and a good dose of reality. She is in charge of her own friendships and I need to take a more back seat role. Thank you! We get stuck in a parenting mode and at some point our responsibilities change and sometimes its hard to remember that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 03:27 PM
 
10,142 posts, read 6,800,658 times
Reputation: 23849
I just wanted to say I am the OP...I think your idea was a good one. I think I might suggest it for this coming weekend. Z is well behaved so she isn't going to be hyper or talk alot in a movie, so I think that would be a good activity. Movie and lunch.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FrugalFox View Post
Maybe I wasn't clear, it wouldn't be the first time

Your daughter is going through some things so has pulled away from friends.

She has an easier time being with the quieter friend, than the more talkative one

But prior, they were a threesome hanging out

My suggestion is to separate them

Your daughter do what she wants with the pal she is comfortable with, the calmer one.


Then soon afterwards...

So as to not allow the other one to feel left out,

You invite the spunkier pal to the movies.

At the last minute, so they aren't talking too much on the phone, exhausting your daughter

You spring for popcorn and a drink.

pay for all the tickets of course

As you walk down the isle, make sure you are walking in between them

Naturally your daughter will choose the row, she entering first, you second, the other friend last

That is your seating arrangement by default, you in the middle

If her friend wants to jabber, more of it will be directed to you due to sitting right beside her friend

Both friends spent time with your daughter within just a few days of one another

They both know your daughter cares about them.

Yet neither girl will feel left out though they were not a threesome as usual.


Giving your daughters brain more time to heal

Be around both of these friends at once

The brain can and does, become ill just as the body does

So I think it's great she has you in her corner

To help her ensure her decisions, with a less healthy brain,

Are conducive to ensuring her friends remain feeling loved

Though she isn't able to convey that for a while


I have two twin boys who are ADHD

Our boys are twins, both spunky kids diagnosed ADHD

They share friends, as twins often do, and can exhaust their buddies at times
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 03:33 PM
 
10,142 posts, read 6,800,658 times
Reputation: 23849
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
Is there some reason why you didn't encourage her to call her friend A herself and ask her over?

Do all 3 of them see each other at school? Eat lunch together? Ride the bus together? Sorry if I missed something, just wondering how they don't interact naturally at school.

So sorry your daughter is going through this and hope the meds help.

My daughter doesn't have a phone yet because...well she isn't quite ready. One friend has a cell, but it because her parents are divorced and she doesn't use it much, the other friend doesn't have a phone. So I do the bulk of the communication with the other parents instead of kid to kid.

My daughter isn't in school right now, unfortunately Due to her mental health (and physical health) she had to switch to homeschool while we work on some of the issues with her (hoping she goes back before the end of the year). But they became best friends in earlier years of elementary while my daughter was still able to go.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 03:33 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
10,946 posts, read 3,666,639 times
Reputation: 13317
OP, I also have a 12yr old daughter (turning 13 in a few weeks). As she gets older I'm learning I need to start to let her make more of her own decisions, including friends. Now if I know she's hanging out with someone who is clearly no good for her than I will step in, but if she wants the same friend over 5 times in a row and I suggest someone else and she gets upset about it, I have learned to step back. At this age they start forming stronger friendships and know who they really want to spend time with.


I'm glad your daughters spirits are turning around! This is such a hard age! My daughter is extremely moody lately and again, I'm learning that I need to let her become her own person and just let her know that I'm here for her when she needs me! That doesn't mean you should let her do whatever she wants though, give her freedom, but be informed and fully aware! Still know what's going on in her life at all times.

Good luck to you!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Yesterday, 03:37 PM
 
10,142 posts, read 6,800,658 times
Reputation: 23849
Quote:
Originally Posted by CGab View Post
OP, I also have a 12yr old daughter (turning 13 in a few weeks). As she gets older I'm learning I need to start to let her make more of her own decisions, including friends. Now if I know she's hanging out with someone who is clearly no good for her than I will step in, but if she wants the same friend over 5 times in a row and I suggest someone else and she gets upset about it, I have learned to step back. At this age they start forming stronger friendships and know who they really want to spend time with.


I'm glad your daughters spirits are turning around! This is such a hard age! My daughter is extremely moody lately and again, I'm learning that I need to let her become her own person and just let her know that I'm here for her when she needs me! That doesn't mean you should let her do whatever she wants though, give her freedom, but be informed and fully aware! Still know what's going on in her life at all times.

Good luck to you!
Well no issue there...she is almost always with me and tells me *most* things. LOL For now I am like "OMG when am I ever going to have "me" time...when am I ever gonna get a break". Once she makes it through this rough patch I am going to me "omg my baby grew up too fast....when is my turn to spend time with her!" LOL
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top