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Old 03-05-2019, 07:27 AM
 
336 posts, read 280,181 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
The truth bomb Mom does a segment on this. She asks a bunch of Dads this question. She gets dead stares. It is pretty ... funny if it weren't so disheartening. I won't lie. I have to organize for DH AND I.
In my experience - I've found that schools, community groups, and kids activities tend to make the assumption that moms have primary responsibility for the kids. I'm not sure where it comes from, but it seems to run pretty deep...I have a funny story on that.

One afternoon, I get a call from a very irate school nurse. She informs me that my son is sick, and she has been calling my wife for two hours and has left messages. She doesn't understand why my wife hasn't called her back, but it's completely unacceptable to leave a sick child in the school office for that long.

At that point, I tell her that I've been sitting at my desk working for the last two hours with the phone right next to me. I ask why she didn't call me since I'm also listed as a parent and emergency contact. Silence. She just assumed that picking up a sick kid was a mom job....

Anyway, I seem to run into this behavior every now and then and it just baffles me.
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Old 03-05-2019, 07:38 AM
 
Location: Florida
4,989 posts, read 3,394,449 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
The truth bomb Mom does a segment on this. She asks a bunch of Dads this question. She gets dead stares. It is pretty ... funny if it weren't so disheartening. I won't lie. I have to organize for DH AND I.
I think that in many (obviously not all) families, the mom takes care of all of the organizational stuff. Even if the dad is doing his fair share of chores, mom is the one making doctors' and orthodontist appointments for the kids, making sure they have rides to where they need to be, taking the pets for their vaccines, renewing kids' medications before they run out, asking teens the right questions about where they will be and who will be there and what they will be doing and who will be driving and how long that person has had his/her license, keeping track of when library books need to be returned, decluttering the closets when they need to be done, making sure there's aluminum foil and bleach and other non-food items (in addition to the regular groceries), arranging for pet care when the family goes on vacation, buying hair ties and socks for the kids as they get worn out, replacing the wreath on the front door for each season, and so on. I don't even think that the dads in these families even realize the tasks need to be done because they just sort of happen.

Those things seem to be the "challenge" to work/life balance for moms. It's all of the thinking and remembering and less the physical doing, IMO. (I'm also the mom of older teens now, so most of my "momming" is the thinking and remembering and driving and not hands-on childcare anymore.)
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Old 03-05-2019, 10:47 AM
 
110 posts, read 19,293 times
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Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
I disagree. I'm a sole parent mom and I've worked full time since my son was born. It absolutely was extremely tough to begin with, esp. since he was a very difficult baby and toddler who literally never slept through the night until he turned 2 and gave up naps.

However, things improved over time esp. once I started my current job about 6 years ago. My office is about 15 minutes from home and his school is in between our house and my office. And while I do work full time, I have pretty much unrestricted flexibility to come and go as needed. Yes, sometimes I work evenings or weekends to make up time and get the work done, but I'm still able to be where I need to be when I need to be, whether that's for my kid or to help with caregiving for my own elderly mother.

I am successful in my job, which is one I enjoy very much, and consistently am rated a top performer and receive the highest raises allowed here - it's a non-profit so that's not actually saying much! lol! But I earn enough to support myself and the kiddo and have a reasonably comfortable lifestyle.

I'm also able to be the chair of the PTO at my kid's school, and we also have another regular volunteer gig at a local food bank that we do together. Plus be semi-active in our religious community as well as socialize with family and friends.

I definitely can't claim that I had things together like this when he was younger, but it got a whole lot easier once he was in middle school.
I can't rep this post enough, same here I am a single mother and was in the military for 10 years, it was hard during deployments and long hours but we managed just fine. My daughter is now very independent, more so than most kids her age. I am now no longer in the military but am still a full-time working single mother as well as a full-time online student, working towards that Bachelors I've always made sure to concentrate on my daughter while at home and only concentrate on work while at work. My biggest thing is not to let other people make me feel guilty about being a working mother sometimes you have to sacrifice a bit but it's not the end of the world, you can make it work if you have to, just do whatever works for you and your family
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Old 03-05-2019, 11:08 AM
 
Location: Denver CO
20,112 posts, read 10,955,306 times
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Originally Posted by sixlets82 View Post
I can't rep this post enough, same here I am a single mother and was in the military for 10 years, it was hard during deployments and long hours but we managed just fine. My daughter is now very independent, more so than most kids her age. I am now no longer in the military but am still a full-time working single mother as well as a full-time online student, working towards that Bachelors I've always made sure to concentrate on my daughter while at home and only concentrate on work while at work. My biggest thing is not to let other people make me feel guilty about being a working mother sometimes you have to sacrifice a bit but it's not the end of the world, you can make it work if you have to, just do whatever works for you and your family
Yep. Sounds like you've got a plan and you are making it work!

I think maybe for some people, work/life balance has to be perfection, or something close to it. But honestly, every mom I know makes trade offs and lets some things go in favor of others, and that's regardless of whether they are single or married, have 1 kid or 4 kids, working or stay at home.

There's never enough time for everything so you figure out what you need for yourself and your own family and when you can make that work, then you've got your own version of work/life balance, even if it differs from someone else's idea of that that is.
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Old 03-05-2019, 11:55 AM
 
110 posts, read 19,293 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
Yep. Sounds like you've got a plan and you are making it work!

I think maybe for some people, work/life balance has to be perfection, or something close to it. But honestly, every mom I know makes trade offs and lets some things go in favor of others, and that's regardless of whether they are single or married, have 1 kid or 4 kids, working or stay at home.

There's never enough time for everything so you figure out what you need for yourself and your own family and when you can make that work, then you've got your own version of work/life balance, even if it differs from someone else's idea of that that is.
Agreed, life/family dynamics are different for everyone and as long as it works for you and your family then it shouldn't matter what everyone else's looks like, just experiment and find what works best for you, parents aren't perfect and that's okay as long as we love our children and they know they're loved and we're doing our best that counts more than a perfectly clean house or a 4 course meal every night, although if you can do those things then good for you, you're my hero lol
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Old 03-05-2019, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Brew City
3,722 posts, read 2,234,986 times
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Originally Posted by annabanana123 View Post
I go in to work at 6 and leave at 3 so I can be home after school and run my son to his activities, help with homework, cook dinner, walk dogs etc. I also outsource where I can by hiring a cleaning lady and having carpools for soccer practice and other activities. My husband goes in later, handles the morning activity and works a little later. We also trade off days to go to the gym in the evening. There are days our work schedules fluctuate. I also removed my work email from my phone and donít answer work calls at home unless itís an emergency. I try to be present for my family when at home and present for my work while at work. Itís a balancing act that requires careful planning and flexibility. Some days are better than others. Self care is also important.
Ditto. But hubby goes in 6-3 and I'm 8-5.

Prioritize. There are A LOT of things that really don't matter.
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Old 03-05-2019, 01:46 PM
 
Location: VT-> NY-> CT
8,779 posts, read 5,034,337 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
I think that in many (obviously not all) families, the mom takes care of all of the organizational stuff. Even if the dad is doing his fair share of chores, mom is the one making doctors' and orthodontist appointments for the kids, making sure they have rides to where they need to be, taking the pets for their vaccines, renewing kids' medications before they run out, asking teens the right questions about where they will be and who will be there and what they will be doing and who will be driving and how long that person has had his/her license, keeping track of when library books need to be returned, decluttering the closets when they need to be done, making sure there's aluminum foil and bleach and other non-food items (in addition to the regular groceries), arranging for pet care when the family goes on vacation, buying hair ties and socks for the kids as they get worn out, replacing the wreath on the front door for each season, and so on. I don't even think that the dads in these families even realize the tasks need to be done because they just sort of happen.

Those things seem to be the "challenge" to work/life balance for moms. It's all of the thinking and remembering and less the physical doing, IMO. (I'm also the mom of older teens now, so most of my "momming" is the thinking and remembering and driving and not hands-on childcare anymore.)
I definitely found this to be true, especially because I was a SAHM for so many years; I had been taking care of all of that from day one, so there was a learning curve to figure out how to allow myself to turn over some of the workload to my husband. I still make all of the appointments, but he brings the kids to hem because he gets home from work a lot earlier than I do. I still do the lion's share of the cooking, but he gets the food on the table. And truth be told, he's way better than I am at subcontracting out chores to the kids.


Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
I think maybe for some people, work/life balance has to be perfection, or something close to it. But honestly, every mom I know makes trade offs and lets some things go in favor of others, and that's regardless of whether they are single or married, have 1 kid or 4 kids, working or stay at home.
Exactly. Balance is just that: balance. It's not about working like I don't have a family, or running a household like I don't have a job. As much as I strive to compartmentalize the two, there are times when they collide... and part of creating balance is having contingency plans in place for those times.

Last edited by Ginge McFantaPants; 03-05-2019 at 01:58 PM..
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Old 03-05-2019, 02:05 PM
 
11,811 posts, read 9,596,653 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vegabern View Post
Ditto. But hubby goes in 6-3 and I'm 8-5.

Prioritize. There are A LOT of things that really don't matter.
I would add balance. There are things that are not a fire fight that are harder if allowed to linger. Or maybe this is just my malfunction. For example, house keeping is not a priority in my heart. So I would tend to allow it to slide, slide, slide. Having routines that do not allow it to get horrible is a sanity saver for me.
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Old 03-05-2019, 02:09 PM
 
Location: Texas
3,856 posts, read 3,073,485 times
Reputation: 6449
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
I think that in many (obviously not all) families, the mom takes care of all of the organizational stuff. Even if the dad is doing his fair share of chores, mom is the one making doctors' and orthodontist appointments for the kids, making sure they have rides to where they need to be, taking the pets for their vaccines, renewing kids' medications before they run out, asking teens the right questions about where they will be and who will be there and what they will be doing and who will be driving and how long that person has had his/her license, keeping track of when library books need to be returned, decluttering the closets when they need to be done, making sure there's aluminum foil and bleach and other non-food items (in addition to the regular groceries), arranging for pet care when the family goes on vacation, buying hair ties and socks for the kids as they get worn out, replacing the wreath on the front door for each season, and so on. I don't even think that the dads in these families even realize the tasks need to be done because they just sort of happen.

Those things seem to be the "challenge" to work/life balance for moms. It's all of the thinking and remembering and less the physical doing, IMO. (I'm also the mom of older teens now, so most of my "momming" is the thinking and remembering and driving and not hands-on childcare anymore.)
Absolutely agree with the above and in my household, I am responsible for all of it. I am a SAHM, however. But even amongst my friends where both partners work outside the home, the woman is almost always dispropotionally responsible for the bulk of the responsibilities above.

But the corollary that I don't hear mentioned nearly as often is what about work-life balance for Dads? What about the Dads doing the bulk of the car maintenance, landscaping, serving as apprentice plumber, electrician and HVAC Tech, little league coach, pest control specialist, painter, carpenter......and so on and so forth?

And, of course, many women do these tasks in their household, just as many men do some of the things mentioned above by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy.

Last edited by Texas Ag 93; 03-05-2019 at 02:58 PM..
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Old 03-05-2019, 05:19 PM
 
Location: VT-> NY-> CT
8,779 posts, read 5,034,337 times
Reputation: 14346
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas Ag 93 View Post
Absolutely agree with the above and in my household, I am responsible for all of it. I am a SAHM, however. But even amongst my friends where both partners work outside the home, the woman is almost always dispropotionally responsible for the bulk of the responsibilities above.

But the corollary that I don't hear mentioned nearly as often is what about work-life balance for Dads? What about the Dads doing the bulk of the car maintenance, landscaping, serving as apprentice plumber, electrician and HVAC Tech, little league coach, pest control specialist, painter, carpenter......and so on and so forth?

And, of course, many women do these tasks in their household, just as many men do some of the things mentioned above by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy.
Definitely. Not to minimize that or anything, but the distinction is that most of those tasks are either done periodically or can wait until a free weekend rolls around. The stuff that tends to fall in the mom’s lap are the things that need to be done every day and often simultaneously (multiple meals, the school/daycare run, homework, baths, dishes, laundry, light housekeeping), or involve the logistics of rearranging schedules (medical appointments, kid-related conferences, delayed school openings, etc)

Last edited by Ginge McFantaPants; 03-05-2019 at 05:46 PM..
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