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Old 03-05-2019, 07:28 PM
 
Location: Texas
3,856 posts, read 3,073,485 times
Reputation: 6449

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ginge McFantaPants View Post
Definitely. Not to minimize that or anything, but the distinction is that most of those tasks are either done periodically or can wait until a free weekend rolls around. The stuff that tends to fall in the mom’s lap are the things that need to be done every day and often simultaneously (multiple meals, the school/daycare run, homework, baths, dishes, laundry, light housekeeping), or involve the logistics of rearranging schedules (medical appointments, kid-related conferences, delayed school openings, etc)
Yes, good observations, and I agree. Just want to point out the work Dads are doing (without derailing the thread too much).
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Old 03-05-2019, 10:57 PM
 
6,287 posts, read 5,329,685 times
Reputation: 8715
Oldest daughter runs a business and has two young sons. She takes youngest (aged 2) to work with her every day. Her employees are good sports about this and very supportive. Until oldest (aged 5) started school this past fall, she had BOTH kids with her at the business all day. They've never been to daycare. Their grandfather (my DH) is semi retired and works for DD part time, and spends a lot of time watching youngest grandson in the afternoons. The kids' dad (her DH) has a job AND runs a demanding business on the side, so he's not as much of a support as they'd like.

DD has a 45 minute commute, and this requires getting both kids up, fed, and dressed at 6:30, in time to leave. Oldest attends a private school near where her DH works (also a commute), so both have to leave shortly after. It takes a LOT of organization. I spend every other weekend at her place helping out with the kids so she (and son in law when he's free) can do laundry, grocery shop, do house maintenance, yard chores, etc. She spends all day Sunday setting up for the week...organizing what the kids are going to wear to save time in the morning (oldest wears a school uniform, so that makes it easy), and doing cooking marathons to mass produce meals. She'll make a week's worth of pancakes, pizza, lasagne, soups (with her Instapot), etc. They invested in a double-oven stove to make all this cooking more efficient, and have someone in to clean once a week, so that helps. Her in-laws live close by, and her FIL is a retired carpenter. He helps out a lot with repairs her DH doesn't have time for.

I babysit both kids at their place during the week over the summer (I work for a school district and have summers off), so she doesn't have to take them to work with her.

Just WATCHING her life is exhausting. I don't know how she does it. She definitely feels guilty that she can't volunteer and participate as much at grandson's school as the other mothers do (there are a lot of very involved stay at home moms). Volunteering at the school is highly encouraged, and she and her DH don't have the time. She showed me some of the elaborate handcrafted Valentines grandson got at the school party...those moms obviously have more time on their hands than she does. Comparing the Wal-Mart Valentines she bought made her cringe.

Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 03-05-2019 at 11:18 PM..
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Old 03-06-2019, 01:13 PM
 
Location: Texas
3,856 posts, read 3,073,485 times
Reputation: 6449
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Skeffington View Post

Just WATCHING her life is exhausting. I don't know how she does it. She definitely feels guilty that she can't volunteer and participate as much at grandson's school as the other mothers do (there are a lot of very involved stay at home moms). Volunteering at the school is highly encouraged, and she and her DH don't have the time. She showed me some of the elaborate handcrafted Valentines grandson got at the school party...those moms obviously have more time on their hands than she does. Comparing the Wal-Mart Valentines she bought made her cringe.
I'm a SAHM and am very active in my kids school. I'm not making anyone handcrafted Valentines or anything else though...store-bought is just fine.

She shouldn't feel guilty about that, or anything else. Sounds like she and her husband are great parents
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Old 03-06-2019, 05:22 PM
 
5,248 posts, read 6,462,473 times
Reputation: 8220
I know this is a troll (first post, and controversial subject) but I'd love to live to see the day when there is a post - anywhere - asking how dads manage the work-life balance. How do they manage being a parent and being a successful worker?
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Old 03-06-2019, 06:52 PM
 
Location: 60630
12,049 posts, read 17,575,527 times
Reputation: 11243
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ma23 View Post
How do moms manage the work-life balance? How do you manage being a parent and being a successful worker?
We just do. Being a parent doesn't mean you have to be around 24/7. Being a parent also mean supporting your family, making sure they are well taken care of in any aspect. So we work so we can pay bills and buy our children new clothes and pay for activities. We are home with our children to spend time with them, take them to school and activities. Being a parent is not easy but most of us do a good job.
And being a parent doesn't mean we cannot be good workers! That's just a crazy thought right there.
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Old 03-06-2019, 08:58 PM
 
Location: here
24,766 posts, read 29,501,571 times
Reputation: 32006
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
A supportive partner? Am I the only one who does not think of work/life balance to be solely the MOTHER'S responsibility?
.
This,

Quote:
Originally Posted by CarnivalGal View Post
I know this is a troll (first post, and controversial subject) but I'd love to live to see the day when there is a post - anywhere - asking how dads manage the work-life balance. How do they manage being a parent and being a successful worker?
and this.

My answer - marry someone who realizes half of the responsibility is his.
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Old 03-08-2019, 02:07 PM
 
Location: The analog world
16,841 posts, read 9,444,342 times
Reputation: 22453
Oh gosh, you’re certainly not the only one, Somebodynew. I’m married to a man who made very deliberate decisions to be available to prioritize family life, which had a profound and long-term effect on his career path. I believe it’s called daddy-tracking. If that isn’t a work-life balance issue, I don’t know what is.
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Old 03-10-2019, 02:54 PM
 
Location: Dunwoody,GA
1,933 posts, read 4,662,521 times
Reputation: 2097
FOR ME (and YMMV),

It's a combination of things:

1. I have two jobs; one that requires me to be in an office (generally done during school hours) and one that is online. Good news about that is it's flexible and can be done anywhere. Bad news is that you really can't unplug; emails/messages and issues occur 24-7 (it's an online university).

2. The flexibility of those jobs allows me to transport kids in the afternoon and then continue my work either at their activities or when I arrive home.

3. My husband helps some with transport of kids, but it's mostly my domain. It can be problematic and stressful at times when I have a particularly heavy work week.

4. I outsource household cleaning (cleaning lady every two weeks) and laundry (I pay our old nanny to do it twice per week). It's worth the money because I simply do not have the time.

5. I have had to learn (and it is a hard pill to swallow) that I just am not going to be able to volunteer to be the team/class Mom or do a lot of volunteer stuff at the kids' schools. I wish I could, but I just can't. There aren't enough hours and my jobs are demanding.

6. I have to accept that I will forget things and things will slip. It happens. My life is highly choreographed and something as small as an unexpected trip to the store to find [whatever last minute thing one of the kids needs for a school project] can throw things into chaos.

7. I think that my life motto has to be, "I can it do all; I just can't do it all well all the time." I've got 3 years left with my daughter at home and 5 with my son. I'll worry about an organized house then.

8. I have to work on doing things for me. Workout time is not happening right now. I used to get regular massages; no more. Girls' nights out are rare and vacations are even more rare. Oh, and my marriage too. It's a full life; not perfect, but full!

Last edited by CMMom; 03-10-2019 at 03:45 PM..
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Old Yesterday, 01:43 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
1,808 posts, read 2,318,640 times
Reputation: 2626
My husband works for himself out of our home, which has been a tremendous help. We split responsibilities and help each other out.
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Old Today, 12:27 PM
 
Location: NYC area
504 posts, read 408,733 times
Reputation: 854
We both work full time. We've done a couple of small things, but really once the kids are not nursing anymore and are sleeping well, it's not such a big deal anymore. 1 area we really lucked out is that we found a great babysitter who comes over in the mornings after I've gone to work to get the kids to school, and then she picks up in the afternoon and takes them home, gives them a snack, starts homework until I get home at 4-4:30pm. I also pay her an hour extra to fold/put away all the kids laundry each week (my husband washes it in the morning and leaves it in the dryer, the sitter comes an hour early in the afternoon and folds and puts it all away. She's also available for the occasional snow or sick day. So she's a huge help. And now that our kids are in school for a full day, the cost is pretty minimal (we pay just 3 hours a day, or 15 hours a week).

Luckily, I get a lot of time off (almost 3 months a year), and my husband gets 5 weeks vacation plus sick days, so between the two of us, we manage to cover all the important school and extracurricular functions.

It's team work. If one of us is there, the team is winning. It doesn't have to be me, the mom.

On weekends, we are in the routine of each getting a day to sleep in while the other gets up with the kids. We also take turns cleaning the house--one will take the kids out for the morning to do something fun and the other will stay and clean the house uninterrupted. The rest of the weekend is family time. It works for us.
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