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Old Yesterday, 02:02 PM
 
118 posts, read 100,062 times
Reputation: 317

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We've all heard of helicopter parents but it seems to be affecting even the "kids" that are not grown ups.

I'm totally shocked at how many 20 and 30 year olds are coddled by parents in our society today. When I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out on my own and get out from parent's orbit of influence. I loved my parents and had a great childhood but I was ready to move on.

Nowadays it seems different. Obviously rich people have always spoiled their adult kids but even middle class parents on 80k incomes are a lot more clingy these days than they used to be. I'm seeing things like parents going with their kids to grad school tours, getting involved in the details of their job search, grad school search, home search, etc.

It's not just financial, it's just way too much over involvement in general. It never would have occurred to me to take my mom/dad with me to look at med schools, or to have them shop my first house with me. I don't get it.

I wonder if some of these parents are interviewing their kids' boyfriends/girlfriends?
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Old Yesterday, 02:39 PM
 
Location: Grapevine, Texas
9,694 posts, read 20,015,412 times
Reputation: 6932
I think it's just a case of "helicopter parents" that refuse to let go. I have also heard them called "lawnmower parents" because they remove all of the obstacles in their child's way!

One of our family friends is this way. Her grown son (24) is in the Army, married and has a child. His first duty station, he asked to be stationed overseas to get away from family! Now that he is up to be transferred, she is encouraging him to get stationed at Fort Hood simply because she will be able to see her grandchild more. Nevermind that there is a long waiting list for on-post housing at Hood, which means they will have to live off post in a not nice apartment (because that is all they can afford), and once he gets through the waiting list, the housing for his rank is mostly older and very small, etc. She even said he should get out of the Army and move back near family!
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Old Yesterday, 02:53 PM
 
Location: Winterpeg
773 posts, read 281,997 times
Reputation: 3223
Way too many generalizations to address here. Over involved parents have always existed, and will likely always exist. My dad joined the military to get away from his overbearing mother. In 1949.
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Old Yesterday, 03:07 PM
 
Location: The analog world
16,682 posts, read 9,397,343 times
Reputation: 22323
My own observation is that my children are a lot more family-oriented than either their father or I were. It may just be the times. My spouse and I are older Gen-X and were pretty much on our own at age eighteen. I would not say that our family’s closeness is in any way dysfunctional, but I wasn’t surprised nor was I displeased when one of my twenty-somethings invited me to go along on an apartment shopping trip. I think it’s great that they all appear to value my advice.
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Old Yesterday, 04:20 PM
Status: "I don't have to agree." (set 19 hours ago)
 
Location: Texas
8,078 posts, read 3,036,137 times
Reputation: 17055
My daughter has a friend who, every time he comes over, the mom sends 20 or 30 text messages to see how he's doing. He is eleven years old, almost twelve, and doesn't need that much parental involvement when he's at a friend's house. The mom also tries to force my child to play with her son even when she doesn't feel like it. I decided to put the brakes on their friendship and tell the mom my daughter is "busy". She isn't helping her son at all and it's a shame. He is already showing signs of not being able to handle rejection and he gets his feelings hurt easily.
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Old Yesterday, 04:32 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,053 posts, read 1,475,589 times
Reputation: 9025
Parents are to blame:

1) Refusing to encourage or even "let" their children play outside.
2) Insistence on driving them to and from school (they cite "kidnappers" as the reason, but a very, very low percentage of "stranger" kidnappings even happen).
3) Keeping them entertained 24/7 - driving them around, arranging play dates, not allowing them to be creative with THEIR minds - never allowing them to be bored. It's going to be interesting to see the result of this - I think it is emotional incest.
4) "Assisting" them with their homework (and I guess schools even expect parents to "be involved" to this degree, which is just sick).
5) Giving them no responsibility - basically becoming their slaves - washing their clothes, cleaning their rooms, not expecting them to contribute to the family at all - treating them like princes and princesses. It's truly sick.
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Old Yesterday, 04:50 PM
 
322 posts, read 269,043 times
Reputation: 1063
Yes there have always been overbearing controlling parents.

However now people have more control over when they have children and how many. Children have because investments.

If these parents were having 4 or 5 children or more they would be shoving the older kids out the door.
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Old Yesterday, 05:09 PM
Status: "I don't have to agree." (set 19 hours ago)
 
Location: Texas
8,078 posts, read 3,036,137 times
Reputation: 17055
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Parents are to blame:

1) Refusing to encourage or even "let" their children play outside.
2) Insistence on driving them to and from school (they cite "kidnappers" as the reason, but a very, very low percentage of "stranger" kidnappings even happen).
3) Keeping them entertained 24/7 - driving them around, arranging play dates, not allowing them to be creative with THEIR minds - never allowing them to be bored. It's going to be interesting to see the result of this - I think it is emotional incest.
4) "Assisting" them with their homework (and I guess schools even expect parents to "be involved" to this degree, which is just sick).
5) Giving them no responsibility - basically becoming their slaves - washing their clothes, cleaning their rooms, not expecting them to contribute to the family at all - treating them like princes and princesses. It's truly sick.
All of this.

I just recently talked to a mom who said she spends 2 hours every Saturday cleaning her son's room. He's a teenager.

There's no way I would do that.

I wonder what these parents do when their kids start dating and gets romantically rejected. How do they maneuver and micro manage their child's dating life. I guess I don't even want to know.
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Old Yesterday, 05:18 PM
 
1,081 posts, read 728,749 times
Reputation: 3839
I believe there were always some parents like that, but now technology makes it easier.
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Old Yesterday, 05:22 PM
 
Location: Forest Service Cabin-75% of the yr
114 posts, read 21,488 times
Reputation: 166
Quote:
Originally Posted by platon20 View Post
We've all heard of helicopter parents but it seems to be affecting even the "kids" that are not grown ups.

I'm totally shocked at how many 20 and 30 year olds are coddled by parents in our society today. When I turned 18 I couldn't wait to get out on my own and get out from parent's orbit of influence. I loved my parents and had a great childhood but I was ready to move on.

Nowadays it seems different. Obviously rich people have always spoiled their adult kids but even middle class parents on 80k incomes are a lot more clingy these days than they used to be. I'm seeing things like parents going with their kids to grad school tours, getting involved in the details of their job search, grad school search, home search, etc.

It's not just financial, it's just way too much over involvement in general. It never would have occurred to me to take my mom/dad with me to look at med schools, or to have them shop my first house with me. I don't get it.

I wonder if some of these parents are interviewing their kids' boyfriends/girlfriends?
Are you a parent?
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