U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-10-2019, 07:24 PM
 
Location: USA
2,528 posts, read 1,917,782 times
Reputation: 4046

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by FrugalFox View Post
When adults were abused as children, they have no way to gauge what is normal. So they over-due the love and affection, suffocating the children. Their biggest fear is repeating their parents mistakes knowing how detrimental they are to their own personal development. They just don't know. Then when they are told by their children, they are caught between what feels right and honoring the kids requests. That's my hypothesis for many parents.

The op? I see narcism. No one deprives their child of an education they've worked hard for, pulling them out like that because they cannot eavesdrop and be in view of the tutoring session. That;s something more serious. If that is what happened, who knows.
Exactly. who does that? that's beyond my belief. And that is what happened. The mom complained to my friend who also tutors. We are in a group setting in a public place. He showed me the conversation that was shared. The mom was extremely upset that she and the family couldn't be there anymore because her daughter was an adult. My friend told Mother that her daughter had to come on her own alone because that was College policy. And then the mother had to nerve to tell him that they'd no longer be around including her daughter. I have words but... I can't say them here.... why any parent interfere with their adult child's education is beyond me.

MusicGirl said it well. it's family enmeshment, if not narcissism. I don't know. whatever it is. something wasn't right and gut institution is usually right when something seems off.

Last edited by HappyFarm34; 03-10-2019 at 07:32 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-10-2019, 07:32 PM
 
2,421 posts, read 1,754,205 times
Reputation: 2339
That is not up to you to decide. You don’t know what the person went through in life. Perhaps their life is so complicated that you wouldn’t even understand it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-10-2019, 07:50 PM
 
Location: Forest Service Cabin-90% of the yr. Sis & I inherited it and I bought her out.
175 posts, read 39,355 times
Reputation: 307
Quote:
Originally Posted by nybklyn View Post
That is not up to you to decide. You don’t know what the person went through in life. Perhaps their life is so complicated that you wouldn’t even understand it.
It is up to her to ensure the mother is not sabotaging her students education while she is teaching her.

You don't follow a kid around in grade school, high school and certainly not College.

It's her job to set that parent straight of the guidelines and direct her away from sabotaging her daughters education.

Whether it be a mother, a sister, a friend, no one demands to be in the room listening in crashing another students class. NO one does this. I wouldn't have put up with it for one moment. I would've taken that student away and had a private discussion with her, something is very amiss. It's best to notify others so they can back you up first so you have time to discuss with the child. Authorities may need to be called to keep mom at bay.

Lots of abused adults do odd things when parenting and likely need to apologize more than the others because they know they cannot explain it away. Yet this doesn't add up. The Mother may be abusing the daughter, and the daughter is still under her control. We just don't know.

When Jaycee Dugald showed up at a College, not to enroll but with the family so her kidnapper could push some religious nonsense, that is how she was saved. A campus patrol officer was alerted by school staff that something felt very weird.

The Turpin kid was being followed around in College too by her parent(s). Likely expected to get an education so she can support her parents, just a guess.

Never notify or negotiate with the person who shouldn't be there in the first place trying to crash a tutoring session. This is a sign of something sinister, a sign, and you need to be prepared for the child to leave with the mother if the situation truly is really bad. Which is what occurred. Or have a mother apologize for crashing the session and breaking the school rules which would be fine, no one is perfect.

Kids need an education and the school staff need to ensure they get it, at any age. Culture wouldn't play into what occurred here, the outcome is truly disturbing. Abuse happens in all cultures, fostered more in others but that is still no excuse
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-10-2019, 09:36 PM
 
1,444 posts, read 1,411,941 times
Reputation: 4084
I am a parent of kids in college and so I can easily put myself in these shoes. I cannot imagine going anywhere on campus with my kids unless it's a ceremony or exhibit or something for the public. This where they should be in the 2nd stage of independence (the first stage is high school). My son is also a tutor and there is no way he'd be ok with parents hanging around.

I knew a large family who had one car, so they had to drive their son to college each day. I am pretty sure they didn't go with him beyond a drop off. I know another family whose daughter is away at college. They still follow here whereabouts with a phone tracker app and threaten to pull funding if she ever turns it off. I think that's nuts.

This story seems like there is a lot more to it though. The student was upset when the parents were informed they can't be present for tutoring, so it's a different kind of situation for sure. Too bad the OP wasn't able to determine why the family had to be there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-13-2019, 02:32 PM
 
Location: Maryland
138 posts, read 93,755 times
Reputation: 53
What's wrong with it being a cultural thing? As Americans, we should be respectful to everyone.
Some things are really freakin strange in this world that we do not understand, but to be rude and not understanding is disrespectful. Also, for all we know, the parents could have paid for their college out of pocket. **** can be expensive.
It could also be the parents will not let go, idk. 18 is an adult, but a lot of adult children rely on their parents a lot or a little.



I don't know the reason; so I'm not judging them.

Honestly, if it's that serious, try and talk to them. Get an idea of what's going on, because obviously, none of us are sure.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-14-2019, 04:52 PM
 
Location: Indianapolis, East Side
972 posts, read 471,717 times
Reputation: 2451
Quote:
Originally Posted by ameme234 View Post
What's wrong with it being a cultural thing? As Americans, we should be respectful to everyone.
Some things are really freakin strange in this world that we do not understand, but to be rude and not understanding is disrespectful. Also, for all we know, the parents could have paid for their college out of pocket. **** can be expensive.
It could also be the parents will not let go, idk. 18 is an adult, but a lot of adult children rely on their parents a lot or a little.



I don't know the reason; so I'm not judging them.

Honestly, if it's that serious, try and talk to them. Get an idea of what's going on, because obviously, none of us are sure.
If it's a culture that keeps adult women under someone's thumb, it's a culture that doesn't have my respect.

A college student relying on their parents somewhat isn't a little kid that needs to go everywhere with Mommy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old Today, 04:12 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale
1,000 posts, read 481,427 times
Reputation: 1795
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34 View Post
I help tutor college aged students to gain credit hours for a class they are taking. There's one student whose mom comes every time to tag along. Sometimes, the rest of her family comes along too, her dad and younger siblings. I haven't said anything yet to the student. She doesn't seem to really have any friends. From what I gather, she was home schooled. I think her mom needs to cut the cord. Her mom seems nice but that's not really the point. I remember being in collage and wanted my own independent separate from family. I can understand if she was under 18 but she's already an adult and think her mom needs to back off and let her be independent when it comes to attending events to gain credit hours for her college class.
I studied public health and know that there are more single moms than married moms under the age of 30. So, to see a family "fully-intact" is getting more rare to see these days. I would actually view it as a positive.

But if the behavior seems "off" or somewhat dysfunctional, it's probably best to speak to your management at the school about that and see what they think. A fully "psychiatric evaluation" should only be done by those trained and licensed to do so.

Sometimes, I have seen TAs and professors venture into a full-blown evaluation as if a student was dysfunctional and ignore the positive things. I had one professor actually tell me not to exercise because I am too old. He was a computer science guy isolated in his own world. His remarks conflicted severely with clinical epidemiologists, licensed physicians, nurse practitioners (DNP), PhD recipients, graduate students, etc. who study public health prevention. But the computer science guy kept insisting he was "right". I'd rather believe the people who are licensed and made that clear to him and his manager. If they push it, then malpractice lawyers are available or state inspectors who investigate medical fraud - a quack doctor in computer science who thinks people above age 40 shouldn't exercise.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. | Please obey Forum Rules | Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top