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Old Yesterday, 10:22 AM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
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We once had a mother come with her adult daughter to a job interview where I worked. That's what comes next, I suppose.
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Old Yesterday, 10:56 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
We once had a mother come with her adult daughter to a job interview where I worked. That's what comes next, I suppose.

I've got a story like that.



One of my sister's friends called me. Her daughter had graduated college and was looking for a job. So Linda calls me, asks me to interview her daughter, and makes the appointment on her behalf.



I was meeting a client at a coffee shop and, as a result, would meet the girl after my meeting. So the appointed hour of 10 a.m. rolls around. The girl doesn't show. 10:10, 10:15. I call to make sure the wires weren't crossed. "I'm just running late," was the reply, and said with a bit of attitude.



My rule of thumb for such things is to wait 10 minutes and then leave. I broke my own rules here and decided to stick around and make a couple of calls. The girl comes in at 10:40, not even particularly apologetic.



I look over her resume, talk to her for five minutes, then make my excuses to leave. She had no work experience whatsoever. Just a bunch of sorority stuff.



She actually said, "That's it?"



"Yes. I have an appointment in thirty minutes. Good luck on your search."


Linda called me that afternoon, angry that I had given her daughter short shrift. It didn't seem to matter that her daughter was 45 minutes late to the appointment. I was the worst person in the world.
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Old Yesterday, 11:03 AM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
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^I don't understand how someone gets to the age where they've finished college but never had a job. Right there that says that something is seriously wrong.
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Old Yesterday, 11:09 AM
 
Location: The analog world
16,698 posts, read 9,403,550 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
^I don't understand how someone gets to the age where they've finished college but never had a job. Right there that says that something is seriously wrong.
Unusual certainly but I have to wonder if she had any unpaid relevant experience in her field.
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Old Yesterday, 11:09 AM
 
Location: USA
2,520 posts, read 1,906,354 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unsworth View Post
What concern is it of yours how this family manages their lives? It is better that the parents are involved with their child's life than not enough. What does age 18 have to do with it? When you become 18 does it magically change things?
18 is when people become adults. Yeah it's great for a parent to be involved in their child's life but they need to know boundaries and learn to step back when it comes to the real world and encourage independence. If she was a minor, I wouldn't care if the parent was there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by G-fused View Post
Did the student come to you for tutoring or psych. services?

You are behaving as if she has been abducted.

Do your job, stop making assumptions you have zero insight into, don't judge people that don't fit into your mold, let people live their lives the way they choose.
Tutoring. I don't do psych. services because that isn't what I do. If the student decides to take more advanced classes and get into the program, she won't be able to have her mom and her family tag along. That is College rules. I do think her family, especially her mom should step back and let her daughter focus on her studies and mingle with other students that are taking the same class as she is.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
OP, have you been allowing the family to sit in the same room with you while you're tutoring? Or are they just sitting outside?

If I was tutoring, I would only allow the student to be in the room, I would think any additional people would be a distraction. I think back to all the private music and dance classes I had growing up, starting at 10 years old and never wanting/needing a parent there.
I would think so too. The student doesn't seem bothered by it. When I met her and her mom, at first, I thought they were friends. Then when the student told me, I was like oh, how nice that you're close to your mom. It's actually a group setting where any student can attend. Her mom and family usually sits at another table away from us. Her younger siblings are usually either reading or drawing. If the student chooses take advanced classes and register into the program, her mom can no longer attend with her. That is college rules.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
We once had a mother come with her adult daughter to a job interview where I worked. That's what comes next, I suppose.
I've heard of this happening from other people where a parent goes with their adult child to a job interview. Did she get the job?

Last edited by HappyFarm34; Yesterday at 11:34 AM..
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Old Yesterday, 11:46 AM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
53,532 posts, read 52,558,975 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34 View Post

<snip>

I've heard of this happening from other people where a parent goes with their adult child to a job interview. Did she get the job?
My God, yes, and the rest of the story is even worse.

The mother didn't actually go into the interview with her daughter, but instead walked around the office chatting with us. She admired the photos a coworker had on her desk of her two young daughters, and she said, "I'd love to have a copy of your kids' pictures." We all snickered, because this woman was obviously nuts.

They hired the daughter as a secretary.

A couple of weeks later, the daughter comes to the coworker with the pictures of her daughters, and says, "My mother wanted to know if you got those copies made of your daughters' pictures for her. She'd really like to have them." Uh-oh.

My coworker made some excuse to put her off, but it didn't matter because it wasn't long before we realized that the nut hadn't fallen far from the tree. She didn't like the boss she was working for, and somehow she found the home phone number of another manager in the office and called him at home on Superbowl Sunday during the game to complain about her boss.

They let her go before her probationary period was up.

That was not the last we heard of them, however.

https://www.nytimes.com/1991/09/19/n...n-in-1988.html
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Old Yesterday, 11:53 AM
 
5,295 posts, read 1,876,168 times
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Wow!
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Old Yesterday, 11:59 AM
 
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Short of the adult being in need of a medical attendee..a tutor usually deals one on one with the student.

This family stalking is bizarre.

Fwiw most parents don't clock out ..we guide from afar and are near when circumstances Warrent it. We gain new boundaries.
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Old Yesterday, 12:02 PM
 
Location: USA
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Crazy stuff!!!!
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Old Yesterday, 12:12 PM
 
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If this was a one-time thing, and it was explained as such: "I hope you don't mind the rest of us being here - we're heading to (whatever) fifteen minutes after daughter finishes her tutoring session, so it made sense to come by here. I promise we won't get underfoot" - that would be acceptable, if not ideal. But if it happens every single time - I'd have to talk with the professor or instructor of whatever class she is being tutored for, and see if the same thing is happening there.

Again, a one-time occurrence would be one thing - a fourteen year old visiting cousin went with me to a summer school college class one time, but I asked the instructor if it would be okay first - no problem. But every single time? No way.

Your situation raises a red flag for me - one of the horribly abusive Turpin family's sons was "allowed" to attend the local community college, but his mother sat in the hall outside the classroom doors most of the time. Many of his previous classmates have said they thought his situation and manner were strange but they didn't want to interfere, and that they bitterly regret that now... The Turpins also claimed to be homeschoolers, when in truth, they were home jailers.

Can you discretely look into this a little more, and perhaps write a note to the daughter if more seems amiss? Just "Are you okay? I am concerned that your mother always comes with you. Do you need help?" Something she could answer yes or no...

It may be something fairly innocuous - the mother probably drives the daughter to her appointment, since I doubt if she's been allowed to get a driver's license, just from the sounds of things. And it could be that there are family activities immediately afterwards, which would explain the rest of the family tagging along. But even then, staying in the same room as the daughter seems odd. Why not run a quick errand, get the younger sibs. an ice cream cone, explore the campus, hang out in the college library and read the newspaper instead?

Another thought: do the parents have any college experience? Perhaps they just don't realize how strange this seems. Though as others have noted, in my own case and that of my peers, parents never accompanied us to Scouts, music lessons, etc. past the first meeting or lesson, unless a recital was being held or some other activity at which parents were welcome and expected.

Last edited by CraigCreek; Yesterday at 12:28 PM..
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