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Old Yesterday, 01:21 PM
5,322 posts, read 1,882,230 times
Reputation: 12480


Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
What makes you think, if he couldnít hack it in high school, that college will be any better?

Actually, I could see how MAYBE studying for the GED independently would make him a MORE successful college student.

He has, so far, managed to pass 2 out of 4 tests toward his GED. He's showing seriousness and determination.

Old Yesterday, 01:51 PM
Location: Forest Service Cabin-90% of the yr
139 posts, read 25,983 times
Reputation: 209
I don't know many 17 year olds who are "wise and mature." I wasn't.
I didn't say that. Here are my words again
"Doesn't say much about the maturity or wisdom of your 17 year old"

I'm not suggesting my son get a vasectomy at age 18 and I don't know any doctors who will perform one.
Doctors will do this at the age of consent. Remember even if no kids later in life, there are a ton of children who need homes already. We've adopted two children. You may even get a subsidy for them to boot. We may not be done yet. Just an idea
Did you miss the part where I said she has an implant? Her parents were smart enough when she was foolin' around sleeping around, to take her in to get it. I confirmed that with them some time ago. But she likes to tell my son she "feels like it is wearing off" (not until next year, actually, nice try) and that she "feels pregnant.She does this to freak him out and upset him. We have bought pregnancy tests multiple times now, just to shut her up and put him at ease. But trust me, he's got his condoms, I am telling him he shouldn't sleep with her anyhow, and she has an implant.

I don't know if this will work but maybe if he understood how he is taking advantage of her, he might quit.
Because he is. She is clearly very low functioning and may even be slightly developmentally disabled. He really has no business taking advantage of her like this. Not saying your son isn't a nice kid, and you love him very much, good for you. But this is the reason I left my ex-girlfriend in high school after 1.5 years. She was becoming mentally unstable like her mother and it was clear, I was just using her. Though I loved her and still do. She was developing schizophrenia which runs in her family. Started as a hard working teenager who always held a job, very sweet to something different. Folks need to be with others who are on their level. I still check in with her once a year, and if she calls, then we do our best to assist. Bailed her out of jail once too.

I gave her compassion until she started manipulating ME (or trying to) and there are other things she's said I won't get into here, trust me I am 100% justified in NOT giving her my mothering and compassion.

I believe you. You are justified, I'll go with that. You are doing the best you can.
Good on you for all you've done so far.

She was raised in a big ol' bible believing church. Went on mission trips and everything. Her family is very religious, they adopted 5 kids from other countries and one of her brothers molested her. Her Mom's constant belittling her appearance has given her eating disorders. The religion didn't save her from anything. I'm very sorry about her life but I don't consent to take responsibility for her. I'm just being there for my son until he can get off the crazy train. I did not consent to adopt a hard luck case, though. This town and this world are full of troubled strays and I am not into trying to rescue them. I don't have the resources. My son doesn't, either, but unlike me, he hasn't yet learned this lesson the hard way...but he's working on it!
Thank you
[/b] Imho, the worst people you will find are the "religious" one's. Though I am a Christian, if anyone tells me they are up-front, it makes my antennas go up. There are very few christians. The pharisees and seduccees in the bible were the lowest of the low. A good chance she never had a chance. Wishing the best for you all. You have a lot on your shoulders. I admire you for the love you have for your son.


Last edited by FrugalFox; Yesterday at 02:01 PM..
Old Yesterday, 02:08 PM
12,754 posts, read 6,662,628 times
Reputation: 23519
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Potshots aside, the job and GED stuff isnít off topic because they do factor in to a personís total self-image, and if heís able to feel good about himself because he feels like a capable, contributing person, heís less likely to LET himself get manipulated by a psycho.

All part of the painful growing-up process. Building blocks.
Everyone has the same goal. Get them educated with 21st century job skills, launched into a career, and off payroll. The girlfriend appears to have been a huge drag brake on achieving that so itís very helpful that she found some better offer for now. You need to start somewhere and a GED with a minimum wage starter job is a good first baby step.
Old Yesterday, 02:41 PM
6,391 posts, read 3,567,907 times
Reputation: 13599
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
Who the F**k suggests a vasectomy for a 17 yr. old? That's stupid and bad advice. Sonic is not a stupid woman...don't give stupid advice.
I said nothing about a vasectomy; why did you? That's pretty "stupid."
Old Yesterday, 03:26 PM
11,780 posts, read 9,583,237 times
Reputation: 15311
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
He is in therapy.
Is he there by his own desire or is he being pushed there?

They tried to tell me she had a "latex allergy." I bought non-latex condoms. No excuses! I've made sure he stays stocked with those, but I'm not in...uh...any position to um...make SURE that they use them...
Mom, the kid is 17 years old. You are WAAAAY too close to the details and WAAAAAY to lax on the consequences.

I have really hammered into his head,
I hate to say it, but hammering into his head is likely, well, nagging. Buzz, buzz, buzz over his head. YOU take responsibility for things like this. See above. You bought them condoms. Why should he?

that's the only method he can take responsibility for doing. That given her recent behavior (the pregnancy threats, which came first with "I will abort your child" and later with "I will keep it and make sure I take every penny you ever get" when she was feeling spiteful) he should really not be having sex with her at all. I am not the kind of parent who expects my son to wait until marriage, but I always told him to hold off for someone he could trust.

Thing is they both have been nasty to each other, he can be jealous and controlling, but she is better at the game of manipulating people. Neither is innocent and the relationship is bad for them both. The ONLY good thing I see is that he has been learning and growing a lot as a person since they got together and I hope in the future, after this ends (hopefully without kids!) he will be more careful about who he gets involved with and emotionally invested in.

Teachable moments are everywhere and always.

The only thing that tempts me to talk to her parents, is that I don't honestly know if they WOULD kick her out or not.

I have no intention of raising any grandkids. Both of my sons know this. I had no family support when I was young and struggling, so I know it's possible to make it...it just REALLY SUCKS is all. I would like to be there for my sons but there are limits. Babies...that's a limit.

I can't really put him out until he's 18 in September. He actually would like to be moved out before then if he can, for obvious "then I can do whatever I want, because being a grown up is all about doing whatever you want!" reasons.

KIDS I SWEAR. Sometimes I wanna laugh and cry at the same time.
I am not trying to be mean or judgey. REALLY. But he is unconsciously playing you like a fiddle. The stakes are too high to take the tough love road. GED and school drop out issues around girls, not taking BASIC responsibility can sink him for the rest of his life if he continues down that road. Family counseling tomorrow. Good luck!
Old Yesterday, 03:33 PM
1,087 posts, read 730,297 times
Reputation: 3846
Originally Posted by ContraPagan View Post
Knock off the proselytising. I've seen you do this in several threads already.
Poster has a right to post his/her opinion just skip over them if your offended.
Old Yesterday, 03:37 PM
1,087 posts, read 730,297 times
Reputation: 3846
I’m sorry you are dealing with this op, suggest to him to go to a trade school to learn a trade. There is always a need for plumbers, electricians and auto mechanics and the good ones make good money.

I wish I can give you more advice.
Old Yesterday, 03:41 PM
5,322 posts, read 1,882,230 times
Reputation: 12480
Originally Posted by kokonutty View Post
I said nothing about a vasectomy; why did you? That's pretty "stupid."

No...what was stupid was you having nothing to offer as far as advice, but plenty of admonition, condemning her for not following the stupid advice.
Old Yesterday, 03:54 PM
Location: Coastal Georgia
36,121 posts, read 44,281,218 times
Reputation: 59996
Maybe it’s just my old age, but my kids would not tell me if they were having sex in high school. Thank goodness.

I even have a 21 year old granddaughter in college who is not sexually active. I dont know what the secret is, or I’d bottle it. I think it is that the kids had goals that did not include early marriage or whoopsie children.
Old Yesterday, 06:06 PM
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
8,604 posts, read 7,865,935 times
Reputation: 18405
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post

As a parent I've been torn between knowing what is best for my son, and knowing that he's got to learn his own lessons. Which in my opinion, is one of the hardest things about being a parent. I was wanting to know if there was some trick, angle, or tactic I had not yet considered.

Hunterseat~ Thanks so much for that, I'm going to look into it! I'd not heard of this. But we're in a military heavy town and I'm betting that is totally a thing here.
I think you are a great mom!

Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
What makes you think, if he couldnít hack it in high school, that college will be any better?
Plenty of people do. I didn't graduate from high school, got my GED, then graduated from a major university with a Bachelor of Arts degree.
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